Our Family Wizard

[Ange71727]

Hi!
Thoughts please on the use of ourfamilywizard.com as a means of communicating and perhaps parallel parenting with an ex that it is difficult to communicate with.
Would love to hear from anyone who currently uses this site.


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[rockscan]

Do a search, there are a few who have used it.

[trinton]

Hi!
Thoughts please on the use of ourfamilywizard.com as a means of communicating and perhaps parallel parenting with an ex that it is difficult to communicate with.
Would love to hear from anyone who currently uses this site.


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Same boat here. Except for I'm dad in hopes of getting mom to agree.

I think someone here previously mentioned the interested parent buying accounts for both and another person mentioned that there is a free or cheaper alternative.

I also read in a book about using a Google calendar . Not sure how this would work though.

Keep me posted plz



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[Ange71727]

Same boat here. Except for I'm dad in hopes of getting mom to agree.

I think someone here previously mentioned the interested parent buying accounts for both and another person mentioned that there is a free or cheaper alternative.

I also read in a book about using a Google calendar . Not sure how this would work though.

Keep me posted plz



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I am suggesting it in my offer to him. I will pay for the two of us. It's freaking expensive!


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[trinton]

I am suggesting it in my offer to him. I will pay for the two of us. It's freaking expensive!


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If my ex offered that as well as to pay for both I would agree to that in a heart beat.

The site someone here mentioned previously is talking parents.com

I hear you about costs. I was (just now) able to find cheaper and free alternatives. They're apps on your smartphone.

https://www.youthletic.com/articles/...ing-schedules/

The site ranks ourfamilywizard 6th.

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[Ange71727]

If my ex offered that as well as to pay for both I would agree to that in a heart beat.

The site someone here mentioned previously is talking parents.com

I hear you about costs. I was (just now) able to find cheaper and free alternatives. They're apps on your smartphone.

https://www.youthletic.com/articles/...ing-schedules/

The site ranks ourfamilywizard 6th.

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Thanks! I like the idea that messages can be tracked or monitored with some of these sites (not that anyone probably cares or has the time to read them). I think it might help communication be more civil if there is an element of "big brother" might be watching. Communication with my ex is such an anxiety producing event for me right now. I will definitely check these other sites out.


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[trinton]

Thanks! I like the idea that messages can be tracked or monitored with some of these sites (not that anyone probably cares or has the time to read them). I think it might help communication be more civil if there is an element of "big brother" might be watching. Communication with my ex is such an anxiety producing event for me right now. I will definitely check these other sites out.


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You use text or email right now?

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[Ange71727]

You use text or email right now?

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Both, mostly email though. I literally go into stress mode the minute I see any message from him. I am in the process of suggesting "parallel parenting" to him right now, as a means of limiting communicating with the thought that it's in the best interests of the children. I've sent him a few articles on it. We'll see if he thinks it's a good idea or uses it against me - he thinks the kids will pick up on us not talking and interacting and will fall apart because of it.


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[trinton]

Both, mostly email though. I literally go into stress mode the minute I see any message from him. I am in the process of suggesting "parallel parenting" to him right now, as a means of limiting communicating with the thought that it's in the best interests of the children. I've sent him a few articles on it. We'll see if he thinks it's a good idea or uses it against me - he thinks the kids will pick up on us not talking and interacting and will fall apart because of it.


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What works for me is reading the first few words and deciding if it is something I'm going to continue to read or ignore and not respond to, or read at a later date.

If it something I have already discussed i won't re discuss. If it is something that I need legal advice before I can respond, I won't respond until the next time I see my lawyer.

Don't worry about what he says. When you open a message give yourself 20 minutes to calm down. You cant think of him , your case, or the email for the next 20 minutes. And then decide if you're going to respond or if you need more time to calm down.

You can't be expected to read and open messages most always, what if you're in the middle of having sex?

I understand tho, communications from other parents and lawyers can cause anxiety. Best is to ignore, calm down, read and understand why they wrote you the message and whether you need to respond. Usually you don't need to respond to most questions.

Where the child goes to school and what happened at the appointment are questions that need answers to.

What the child ate, when he went to bed, and why you took them to a dog park are questions you ignore.

Remember, no response is a response.

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[Stillbreathing]

My ex and I don't communicate with each other at all in any way shape or form. Not about money, kids, nothing. Not by talking, not by texting, not by email, not through relatives....nothing. He's angry with everyone, including the kids and told them to go to hell and hasn't spoken to them since. We still have lawyers but once they settle things I can't see us communicating with each other about anything. Far too dangerous to have any communication with him. He twists everything and used any and all communication against me. Even positive emails, encouraging him to have a relationship with the kids. I'd like to see a judge try to force us to communicate after the divorce is final. Not happening!

[involveddad75]

I used ourfamilywizard, and I would not recommend it.
For most conflicted situations, the number and breath of messages makes it impossible to place before a judge. In 6 months my ex and I had amassed over 2700 messages.
I have also heard that some people use it to harass the other parent. By sending messages requesting discussion and then adding abusing or comments that they are being bullied and abused.
I can see it work in low conflict situations, but not high conflict.

Anyone else have this happen to them.

I told my friend to send the following letter to his ex on OFW and never log on to it again.

Dear ______

I am writing this letter to inform you that this is the last time I will be using OFW. It is clear that you are using OFW to further create stress, by openning discussions and when I don't agree you simply accuse me being abusive, or you use the calendar to create notes about how I have abused you that day. OFW is not a harassment tool and it's intended use was to communicate about our children. Since OFW will not enforce it's own useage policy and stop these harassing/accusatory notes and message. I feel I can no longer use the site. This will be my last login, do not reply, I will not read.

I the future if you wish to discuss a child related issue, then please use the following email address and or text me, please limit these messages to child related issues, and please limit them to 1 - 2 messages a day, if I feel you are using these avenues to continue the accusatory harassing communications I will simply close the account down and block your text messages.

Thank you

[arabian]

Very interesting involveddad75. I don't believe I read anyone else having the same experience although I'm sure there are many.

It must be very difficult nowadays with all the electronics and texting. We live in an a society that is driven by instant everything. I am thankful that my ex and I never did the text thing. At the start I insisted on him faxing me hand-written letters and I can tell you that certainly slowed down the venom (and I was then assured the information was coming from him and not his gf). I'd highly recommend this process to others. And yes, you can easily do this through use of a simple scanner and I believe you can purchase small ones. Plus you have the added benefit of being able to use the scanner for all sorts of other paper in your lives.

It is pretty hard to not reach for that phone and read and respond but that's what you ultimately have to do - stop responding. There are many threads on here where people have some pretty good advice. Simply only looking at the incoming messages 1 x daily (or 1 x week) isn't a bad idea. If there is something urgent then a simple phone call would suffice.

Re-examine your own personal motivations for feeling you need to respond at all. Perhaps some counselling is in order to examine the emotional side of the separation process is in order.

[rockscan]

If the person you're dealing with uses communications as a weapon theres no program in the world that will help. Stripes has a good rule on responding only when it requires a response. My partners ex likes to pop up and send some bs email demanding an answer right away. Its normally full of passive aggressive crap egging him into saying something she can use against him with the kids. When he needs information from her (following up on something) she refuses to respond. No program in the world will help with that. Well, maybe outlook with that damn follow up flag!

Why waste your money?

[vocalfather]

I use the free version, Talking Parents. Took a long time to get the other parent to agree but once it was in place it's been a life and sanity saver. No more texts or multiple emails. Highly recommend it.

[zanman]

I Use email only , Its is truly an unfortunate situation but its for the best.
I also get anxiety as soon as I see an email from her. I step away now and just try and relax before I respond. Now I get emails from her Lawyer as I am self representing my self which also adds to it. I have got allot better in regards to responding and I only respond to the ones that are regarding the Children and nothing more.