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  • #31
    Thanks. Ive managed pretty well and try to be a good person.

    As for my partner...his ex’s new thing is to claim he abused them. His kids believe it too. The judge at their motion blasted her for making that claim as it wasn’t proven and it had no bearing on the matter. His kids are also really spoiled and self entitled. After everything we went through to not only get through school but also keep a roof over our heads, I have zero sympathy for them. Their mother has taught them its ok to live outside their means, spend money all you want, dad will have to pay! Except dad isn’t going to pay. He even offered to give kid money on a monthly basis and she told him no because he was a thief! Now his attitude is, you don’t want me, you don’t get my money. He will pay only what is required of him and nothing more. And he told them both that. They are still believing their mother and it won’t change until they are on their own.

    You are a good father regardless of what they or your ex say. Don’t ever think otherwise.

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    • #32
      Thank you very much! It means a great deal ☺️ It’s not an easy road and just remember that they’re a just children. They won’t understand fully until they are out from under the control. Stay strong and have faith they will come around.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Tired_Dad View Post
        Thank you very much! It means a great deal ☺️ It’s not an easy road and just remember that they’re a just children. They won’t understand fully until they are out from under the control. Stay strong and have faith they will come around.
        Except for they won't be children when they come back around. In the end, they lose, and you lose. Ex wins.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
          Except for they won't be children when they come back around. In the end, they lose, and you lose. Ex wins.

          Fighting continuously only hurts the kids. They are emotional human shields. All you do is damage them and drive them closer.

          Stop commenting on something you know nothing about.

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          • #35
            I believe what rockscan was referring to, was driving them closer to her...the ex and master manipulator. I feel your pain and am not going to lay down and take anything. I just need to be very diplomatic and sensitive to the situation. My girls and now "keepers" of their mother. Any action against her (and she verbalizes it to them) will drive them to the defensive. The courts can't help 100% in an environment like this. I've read a short book called "Co-Parenting with a toxic Ex". It's more about maintaining a relationship with them and how to set boundaries with you ex. It pretty helpful and will work if used in the proper form (there's check sheets within it, to help you guide the level of toxicity). At this point, my greedy ex will most likely drag me back to court after being found in default to go after SS. All these attacks, emails from her and my daughters, unwillingness to cooperate and just ignore everything will come to the surface. At this point, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. If I have to pay support, so be it... but she won't get what she thinks she's going to get (and may have a BIG problem when she decides to move away... as I will place conditions on that as well). I'm sorry that divorce is so hard on everyone, wife, husband and kids. It's unfortunately a very messy thing when you break it all down.

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            • #36
              My role in this thread was to provide helpful advice based on legal and personal experience. You have demonstrated in your posts a history of conflict with your ex and continued difficulty with your child. If you want to continue that behaviour in your case so be it. I can guarantee there will be ongoing emotional challenges for your daughter and I feel for her having to go through them because either one or both of her parents can’t get over themselves.

              Being a parent isnt about who is right—you or your ex. Its about caring and nurturing your children. Fighting your ex in a no win battle does nothing. Sure you won 50/50 but continue to have problems with your child and you will continue to do so as long as you keep this ridiculous “I will fight to the death” attitude.

              You’re now on my ignore list. Save your abuse for someone who believes your bs. To the dads out there struggling, this poster is not an example you want to follow.

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              • #37
                Tired Dad, you mention in your initial post you have the child in therapy. Does this mean you are participating in the therapy or just paying for it? I think that could be your key to mending your relationship with your child. Its worth a try. Or at least contact the therapist and get some advice.

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                • #38
                  I have been taking her and just paying for it. I’ve never been invited in, as my daughter wasn’t talking with me present (so I gave her what she needed). Ive recently asked the counselor to give me feedback and meet with me before or after. I want to start being included in the meetings, as I know she’s leaving. I’ve been a “wallet” and that’s all my daughters think of me as. I’m, unfortunately, getting colder and need to protect myself, my boundaries and life from the abuse (from them all). This is going to be a very challenging year to say the least.

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                  • #39
                    In the beginning my partner paid for everything and was spending hundreds going shopping on visits. Then he stopped that. Then his ex started putting them in stuff without asking and demanding money. He said no. The kids started saying shit about how he was cheap, he ignored it. Then school happened and kid overspent and barely worked, he refused to be a doormat. Its been hard for him and he has been really upset a few times but he is reminded of his strength when he re-reads his one kids affidavit and his other kids emails.

                    You can’t buy their love, they will just find something else to hate you for. This will be tough and you will feel bad but you have to set boundaries.

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                    • #40
                      I don't think I've seen it suggested yet, but one possibility, if your ex does successfully move with the child, is to have your CS reduced to account for the increased costs of your access. Then you can still afford to have her come visit you by train, or to visit her and stay in a hotel, etc.

                      But continue to fight her moving at all. Her wanting to move in with a boyfriend is not a good justification for taking a teenager child away from her whole life.

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                      • #41
                        i have a slower day today and reading older threads
                        this resonates with me because i am seeing early evidence of this in my kids

                        my daughter is 6 and son is 4

                        separated since september, case conference in 2 weeks...awful situation, the op story resonates with me in a lot of ways

                        basically, the ex has gotten away with a lot of shit so far (placing a hidden camera in the house, depleting all marital funds, removing all contents from the house and placing in her house including all the kids stuff while i was away) and will be addressed at the case conference..also very early evidence of interference with access

                        spent the whole last weekend convincing my 6 year old that daddy is not "bad" and that she shouldn't be afraid to talk about my family at her mom's house (she is scared what her mom will say if she prays for my brother with cancer bc the ex makes them all sleep in one bed)..her family feeds them stuff regarding my family being bad

                        i understand when kids are younger its easier to still mould them and as time goes on they will see dad as being level headed and realize that im not bad...

                        just any advice or suggested game plan to try and stop this or use this for custody...i am also living with my parents as an extra layer of support and to mitigate brainwashing and the kids love being with my parents (but still hard seeing my 6 year old confused and saying things that a 6 year old could not know)

                        I have kept everything documented in redic detail (complete list of all items removed, detailed accounting of every dime she spent vs me, proof of the cameras, all the comments from my kids, etc) and likely will have to have custody and access and OCL for the kids

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                        • #42
                          I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know what it feels like and hurts more than anyone could imagine. Some things to remember are... she's doing this out of vengeance/anger/jealousy, she wants to have control over you, she doesn't mind playing dirty, etc... Remember that this is not your children's fault! It never was and never will be. Stay true to who you are and always be upbeat and pleasant around them. It will only strengthen their idea that you are always calm, happy, approachable, etc... Same goes with all your family. Never bring up your ex to the children unless they do (and always make it pleasant and happy). If the conversation goes into serious questioning about affairs they shouldn't be involved in, ALWAYS keep them out of it by saying "that sounds important to you. This sounds like it's bothering you. You don't have to worry about those things. I will talk with your Mom/Dad about this and we will figure something out. Please know that we love you and will always do what's best for you". My children are older and I've done all I can to keep them out of it. My ex is constantly bringing them into it and now has our middle child committing illegal activities. I've been trying to get my ex to take ownership of a car for over 1.5 years. She just refuses to do it! She's now claiming that she's giving it to our daughter (when she hasn't put it in her name) and allowed her to drive it with expired stickers. Now our child has ordered stickers online (falsifying my identify) and then putting them on the car (opening mail addressed to me "federal offence" to access said stickers for the car! I've had to notify the police after I was notified about the repercussions to my if anything happened to the vehicle with expired stickers. That's how I found out about the illegal apprehension of the stickers. All I can say is that divorce seems to bring out the worst in people and can make them to horrendous things to get their way! My ex is coming after me for $$$... I'm at the point where I believe it's in my best interest to sit in front of a judge and have the judge tell me what I should do (and hear about all that my ex has done!!!). Good luck to you and stay positive for your children. It sounds like they will need you more than you know.

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                          • #43
                            Thx for advice
                            We do not talk about their mom

                            Just hoping a judge can recognize this next week..we had 2 x in 4 weeks where she flat out refused to give me my kids bc they were crying

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