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  • #16
    I would say that dysfunction breeds dysfunction though...
    Yeah, that sounds right. Good post... interesting

    However I think divorce itself also could be a dysfunction..... because the statistics do show that children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      Yeah, that sounds right. Good post... interesting

      However I think divorce itself also could be a dysfunction..... because the statistics do show that children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves.
      Or maybe children who see an example of a parent standing up for themselves and leaving a bad marriage are less likely to tolerate a bad marriage themselves.

      In the past, couples would stay together no matter what infidelity and abuse was going on. It was just swept under the rug and smiling faces were put on for show.

      Now, people are unwilling to sacrifice their own happiness just to enable sham marriages to continue for the benefit of a spouse who is wronging them.

      I do think the pendulum may have swung a little too far, in that now we have people with inflated senses of entitlement giving up on humdrum marriages instead of putting in the work to turn them around, but that's the nature of social change. I'd rather have that happening than people still being stuck in abusive marriages. My own pain is the cost of sparing worse pain for others, if you think about it that way.

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      • #18
        Or people who marry too young. Where I live its the norm to get married at 23 and then divorced at 30.

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        • #19
          My parents were married for 50 years until my father's death.
          My siblings have each been married over 20 years.
          My ex -- his father and mother have been married and divorced twice. His grandfather left his wife (ex's grandmother) after she bore him eleven children for another woman. That man's father stopped talking to his wife even though they lived in the same home.
          In hindsight, I guess I shouldn't have married my (now) ex. :-/

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          • #20
            To sum all this up then....be wary when you know the family history of the person you are about to get involved with.....feeling of entitlement has to be up there as one of the main reasons relationships crumble.

            You look around at the teenage / young adults today, and you just know that the future is going to be rampant with split up. Thanks to the parents that have handed them everything they asked, in their attempt to be "friends/besties" with their kids

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            • #21
              Originally posted by childfocused View Post
              To sum all this up then....be wary when you know the family history of the person you are about to get involved with.....feeling of entitlement has to be up there as one of the main reasons relationships crumble.

              You look around at the teenage / young adults today, and you just know that the future is going to be rampant with split up. Thanks to the parents that have handed them everything they asked, in their attempt to be "friends/besties" with their kids
              The problem is - who meets the family before the potential partner. If you meet someone, date for a few months, fall " in love". Then meet the family. It all becomes " rose coloured" and you tend to overlook the obvious.

              Almost need to vet potential families and then check out their offspring to see if there are any potential partners for you.

              Also we have all strived to raise independant children. With independance comes " I donnot need to put up with this and I have options." "And I opt out!"

              Also making sure you are at keast a 1000 miles away from nightmare family helps.

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              • #22
                Beachnana you have a very good point.

                I recall many years ago asking my mother what she thought helped to keep her and my father together for so many years.

                She explained to me that they waited many years to get married - until my father finished his university. My father was offered a great job (in another province) so they married and then moved. When then moved to Alberta they knew absolutely no one. They involved themselves with the community (joined a church). They didn't have any interfering relatives. Sure it was lonely, she said, but they learned very quickly that they had to lean on each other without help from anyone else. She said that she felt moving away from relatives helped them to find their own way in the world. In those days you didn't dare use the telephone (too costly), rather you wrote letters. You had much more privacy. It was considered rude to ask your neighbour too many questions. Children were, for the most part, polite and had acceptable table manners (if they didn't you would dare take them out anywhere). IF you were fortunate enough to have a television there were only 2 channels. Families played games together.

                All in all life was simpler I think.

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                • #23
                  Well I am not quite that old lol. But. Yes we had to rely on each other. No cheap flights home when things got rough. You actually had to talk and not text each other.

                  But then, my girls were fond of saying " and you walked to a hool- uphill both ways!"

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                  • #24
                    Yep - next generation will probably allow texting to opposing parties during case conferences.

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                    • #25
                      I'm sure there were many unhappy families when I grew up. People probably just lived in the same house and went about their lives. Divorce was taboo and if someone had problems they would have been ashamed to admit that their marriage was anything but perfect for fear that their children would be shunned. In those days many people were pretty obsessed about their children having everything they didn't have growing up (as they grew up during the great depression and through world wars). Having an education kept many from having to fight on the front lines.

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                      • #26
                        Meant school lol

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