possible drug dealing with kids in the house

[crispy]

You can refer to my other threads about my situation. My source has told me today that on March 30, 2007, my ex admitted to her that she gave the new bf $2300 to buy one pound of marijuana with the intention of selling it. My source has told me that she is willing to sign an affidavit regarding this, and since around that date, there has been a safe that appeared in my house. I know that if she is busted, she's in a lot of trouble, because that would be trafficing. I don't know what to do, because this is around my kids, and its driving me nuts. I also spoke to her today and I sent a letter to her lawyer requesting a paternity test on my youngest daughter, because dates line up that she might not even be mine. My ex received the information today, and called me disgusting, and lots of other things. Basically really defensive and attacking me at the same time. She also called me back later in the afternoon regarding my oldest, who is a spitting image of me, and requests a paternity test for her too. That's really wierd that the mother would request a paternity test. She also went to state that since we're not sure if either of them are mine, I'm not allowed to see the kids until we find out the results. What should I do? I'm waiting to hear back for advice as to what to do. Please help.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

If there is a status quo for visitation, I would maintain that until the test proves otherwise. Also, I would contact the authorities regarding the illegal drugs as this is by no means in the best interests of the children it makes me sick to think a parent would have that in the house!

I know this would mean that the mother would be in trouble but she should know better and you can offer to the courts to take ths children in the interim should the mother not be able to. That way the children can be cared for by a parent and not be placed in another home etc.

This is a tough call, but as far as visitation I would maintain it.

[crispy]

fl, I know my rights are with the children until a test proves otherwise. I have a question, am I still obligated to look after the child if it proves that she's not mine? what exactly would be involved if the child isn't mine? Do I possibly have a chance of having sole custody over my daughter that I know 100% is mine? If anyone can answer these questions I would greatly appreciate it. I am going to get the authorities involved today, I'm heading there right after work. What also happens about child support in the interim? She has claimed that she won't let me see the kids right now until we know the results, do I keep insisting? I want to see them right now, even if they aren't mine. I know it's a lot of questions, but I have my path, I'm just making sure I am covered in every direction.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

fl, I know my rights are with the children until a test proves otherwise. I have a question, am I still obligated to look after the child if it proves that she's not mine? what exactly would be involved if the child isn't mine? Do I possibly have a chance of having sole custody over my daughter that I know 100% is mine? If anyone can answer these questions I would greatly appreciate it. I am going to get the authorities involved today, I'm heading there right after work. What also happens about child support in the interim? She has claimed that she won't let me see the kids right now until we know the results, do I keep insisting? I want to see them right now, even if they aren't mine. I know it's a lot of questions, but I have my path, I'm just making sure I am covered in every direction.

You may be required to pay support if this proves that the child(ren) are not yours based on what is termed "Loco-Parentis" Meaning adults in such families who have acted in the role or stead of a parent may have a legal obligation to contribute toward the support of their non-biological children of such blended relationships. Whether a person has stood in loco parentis, or in the place of a parent, is a factual question determined by the courts based on the individual circumstances of such families.

In Chartier v. Chartier, the Supreme Court of Canada stated that "the nature of the relationship" between step-child and step-parent must be determined in light of the particular familial circumstances, to asses whether the step-parent meets the threshold of loco parentis.

Some of the factors the court may take into consideration in determining whether the step-parent meets the threshold of standing in the place of a parent include:

-the duration and nature of the step-parenting relationship
-step-parent's involvement in the child's day-to-day life, discipline, extra-curricular activities, and schooling
-the step- parent's financial contribution to the child
-the child's participation in the step-parents extended family's activities;
-the relationship between the step-child and step-parent after separation.
-how the child referred to the step-parent;
-another biological parent's involvement in the step-child's life;
-any discussion relating to the possible adoption of the child

Where a step-parent is found to have an obligation to pay child support, the amount payable is determined with reference to the Child Support Guidelines. Children may be entitled to full Guideline support from more than one parent. The child support payable by a step-parent will not be reduced on the basis that additional support is received or payable by another parent for the same child.

Where there are multiple support payors, however, special expense claims under section 7 of the Guidelines are properly shared and apportioned, proportionately, between the support recipient and all such payors.

To see Chartier v. Chartier, http://scc.lexum.umontreal.ca/en/199...9rcs1-242.html

Until anything is proven to the contrary you are the parent and the status quo prevails, but careful not to cause a scene, or in any way emotionally harm the children. Because that is all that matters at this point in time, the well being of the children. I hope she allows visitation until the tests are done. Then you both can deal with it accordingly.

[crispy]

fl, thank you for the response. I agree with what you said, the only difference is that I have been cast aside and allowed small access to both of my kids, mainly my youngest is only 7 months old and I was kicked out at 4.5 months, so I really haven't been there full time for almost half of her life, as sad as it is. Now, because the bf has moved into my house and I'm not allowed to come around, could he have the same, "loco-parentis"? If he's been around helping with the daily duties and care, he's been involved in her life almost as much as I have. Thank you once again.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

In light of the fact that the youngest is only 7months old, and out or sight is out of mind at this very tender age. I would suspect that if it turns out that this child is not yours, you would be able to argue and win to not be required to pay CS because you were only in the home and "parent" position for 4.5months. Please keep in mind that you don't want to be out of sight, as at this age the child is forming bonds with the parents. This is a very vulnerable time for babies and I honestly believe they need as much physical contact as possible. They need and crave the physical side of a loving parent, IE the holding, hearing the voices, body massages, and yes even reading stories to get them familiar with the voices of mom and dad. I am of the impression their eye sight is limited in that their peripheral vision and focus is limited thus the need for physical contact.

I would seek access, as it is not the mother's sole right to decide who can and cannot see the children. IE if it is ok for a new BF why is it not ok for you, the father? I would stress the importance of the bonding at this age.

Just keep asking, that was the mistake we made. We asked every week, or other week during the period the ex was denying access, then became dumb and gradually stopped asking. The courts viewed that as the dad no longer having a desire for access, they don’t look at it like a human being punched in the face one too many times, know what I mean? Anyway, keep asking, take what ever she offers no matter how meagre and document all denials and her reasons. Try very hard to do all of this on paper, or via email or recordings, or some why to track her with solid documentation. Have you scheduled the tests?

I gave you a link to a case regarding loco parentis, but there are numerous cases to argue both sides, IE the right of the non-parent to unilaterally decide to withdraw from the roll. If you need them I can post them.

[crispy]

thank you fl, I have been asking everyday or everysecond day to see the kids, I asked yesterday, but during the conversation, my recorder ran out of room, so after I get off work today, I have to call her anyways for the arranged pick up of my stuff on monday, and I'm going to ask to see the kids. She did tell me again yesterday that I am not allowed to see them until the paternity tests are done.
I went to the police station yesterday after I got off work, and they told me that because I have no solid proof and just heresay, that they can't do anything but they will start watching the house and my ex and her bf. I also gave a prewarning that my ex is starting to act hostile and I'm scared she's going to try and pull something to get me thrown in jail, and they told me what to do regarding that, witness, etc.
That is a good point for the bonding aspect. I also received some social science papers from LV that states the importance of both parents in the role of raising a child. I definitely have an uphill battle, but since she requested a paternity test on my oldest who looks identical to me, I'm going to be filing for divorce on tuesday of next week based on the grounds of adultery. Wish me luck, I will keep you posted, and thank you once again.

[crispy]

well, here we go. I received a letter today from her lawyer. She is stating that I have been making threats towards her, rude comments and I'm not acting reasonably. Thank god I have my recorder to show my tone with her compared to mine. I also have notice today of two more witnesses that'll help me out in any way they can. One is her old best friend from the time that the affair started and was around many times when my ex would show up with my daughter and her current bf. But my ex has taken back the order of the second paternity test unless I pay for it, and I don't want a test on my oldest, because she's pretty much me, but a girl and a lot cuter of course. It's clear from this letter that 99% of what she is telling her lawyer is nothing but lies and I have witnesses and recordings to back it up. I think that this is where it gets messy. wish me luck.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

need any help just post away.
Best of luck to you, keep the recordings on your computer or CD sounds like you'll need 'em.

[crispy]

I have a very important question. Yesterday I posted about getting a letter from her lawyer. Well, after that post, I received the same letter by mail at work and my parents received one at home. That totals 3 letters sent to me. Now the first one, had a cover page on it saying private and confidential, it was received by fax machine to the office here. I work at a chemical plant and am out in the field. Anyone in the office including my boss and plant manager could've read it. Do I have anything to go after this lawyer in the future about breach of confidentiality? I make a good living for the city I live in, and I have a degree that I don't use that I've been told by management that they intend to move me into management once I've established myself and positions become available. What if the wrong person picked it up and looked through it, I could lose the posibility of a hefty promotion in the future.
Not to mention I will be sending a letter to her lawyer instructing them to stop contacting me while at work, as I said I work at a chemical plant, and I work with some lethal chemicals. It's a risk for me to take such phone calls from her or receive letters from him, because it upsets me and I could lose concentration on what I am doing.
It did say on the letter that she is not denying me access to my kids, but is concerned about my ability to parent the children. I have people lined up for affidavits that spent a lot of time with us and me and my children saying on how I am as a father. But I am requesting access, especially since she wrote in the letter that she's not denying. I asked yesterday to see them if I could after I get off work today at 5. She told me that her parents were taking them overnight and had plans. She then told me that she is not comfortable with me seeing them until the paternity tests are done. I got all this on tape, I actually had to dump my recorder on the computer again last night, that makes about 11hrs of conversations now.
I'm not looking to go after her lawyer right now, if I can at all even. I just want to know if I can and how would I have to do it? From the letter, he doesn't seem too bright. I requested a paternity test based on the facts that I found out about her affair, and it dates back to right around the time she got pregnant, we weren't originally going to try for about 7 months from that time and she changed her mind and would not let it go. And low and behold, 3 weeks later, she's pregnant. Then, the baby came 1 month early. She was in the 50th percentile, and spent no time at all in the nicu unit. My oldest was born 6 weeks premature, and you could tell, she was tiny, and had to be in an incubator for 3 weeks. If my memory serves me correctly, she was in the 5th percentile. My youngest was in the room with ex a couple hours after birth. That was just the facts about the baby that I'm going on. I have a witness that is signing an affidavit saying that she intended to break up with me before becoming pregnant, and stated, "I can get a lot money from him for child support" Her bf's name was also mentioned at this time too. Not once in my letter did I state I wanted to get out of child support, I simply stated that I know my wife had an affair, and this concerns me as to the youngest doesn't have any of my features. I will pay for a paternity test, and await your clients cooperation. Their response was, you will still have to pay child support and this tactic won't scare off my client from collecting child support from you.(summary) It didn't once mention anything about the affair, which is why I am concerned.
fl, thanks for you invitation, believe me, I'm writing on here as much as I can without my hands going numb. Got to save some for writing in my book. Thank you and take care.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I have a very important question. Yesterday I posted about getting a letter from her lawyer. Well, after that post, I received the same letter by mail at work and my parents received one at home. That totals 3 letters sent to me. Now the first one, had a cover page on it saying private and confidential, it was received by fax machine to the office here.

I would certainly send a written request to not contact you at work and you don't need an explanation as to why really. Because it is common knowledge that this is not acceptable to contact someone at their place of employment since it is a private matter. I have no ideas as to the ramifications or and recourse you may have, except thy may basically say "ooppsss" "sorry", and insist they "never" do so again as it jeopardises your employment thus your ability to pay CS. That alone should be enough, and given they know your home address and time frames when you are home, they should contact you there.

Not to mention I will be sending a letter to her lawyer instructing them to stop contacting me while at work, as I said I work at a chemical plant, and I work with some lethal chemicals. It's a risk for me to take such phone calls from her or receive letters from him, because it upsets me and I could lose concentration on what I am doing.

Reiterate the seriousness of the safety issue while you are working and your need to concentrate etc if you feel they will listen.

It did say on the letter that she is not denying me access to my kids, but is concerned about my ability to parent the children.

She does not have unilateral legal right to make this decision, ie your ability to parent. This is someting for the courts and/or medical professionals to decide, I think this is a ploy to scare you or trick you into thinking she has this power and cause you to stop asking and stop wanting access until the tests are done. I also see that she may be stalling the tests by saying she will not pay for them. If you abide by her request "until the test is done" and she stalls, it could be a very long time until you get to see them. I wouldn't advise that. I would seek a court order for interm access until the tests are done to avoid her denying access until that time.

I have people lined up for affidavits that spent a lot of time with us and me and my children saying on how I am as a father. But I am requesting access, especially since she wrote in the letter that she's not denying.

I have a witness that is signing an affidavit saying that she intended to break up with me before becoming pregnant, and stated, "I can get a lot money from him for child support"

These could both been seen as hear say, but they may be allowed in Family court if they are sworn affidavits.

I will pay for a paternity test, and await your clients cooperation. Their response was, you will still have to pay child support and this tactic won't scare off my client from collecting child support from you.(summary) It didn't once mention anything about the affair, which is why I am concerned.

I believe this is another tactic, do not react to it, or further mention it in any response letter. Simply stick to your concern at being contacted at work. Disregard all else. Set a time for the tests. Ask first if she is busy a certain week, then set the test for that week. If she "has other plans", then seek a court order for the tests to be performed within a certain time frame. Outline to the court the Loco Parentus, and your desire to act in the best interests of the children and how you do not want to emotionally harm them IE becoming attached to a person that is not their parent. If you take the court route ask that they include the boy friend of the time and use the affidavits as your reason for including him as the possible parent. If the tests prove he is the father he will be on record and you can then make your own choice to be in the lives of the childrten should it still be an option.

[crispy]

fl- Just wanted to give you an update as to what's been going on. I went and cleaned out the rest of my stuff on Monday, I was greeted by my ex's family, and her new bf. I had 3 friends of my own, and a videocamera and my recorder. We received all my stuff which had been thrown in boxes. I was denied several things that were on the list submitted to her lawyer, but she changed her mind, instead of making a situation, I just sent her lawyer today a list of the things that I didn't get. Now what was great, was her mom flipped out on me for wanting a paternity test. I got it all on tape.
As far as the paternity test goes, I went down on Monday to get my swab done. It's now going on Thursday, and she hasn't gone down. I don't know, but in my thoughts, if she was so sure who's baby this was, don't you think she would've been down there already? So, today I brought down a picture of the youngest and left it with them to identify her when she actually goes down. Now, to cover my ass, I sent a letter to her lawyer that if she doesn't respond by the end of the week, and get it done, I will be seeking out a court order to get it done. She did say that she wants to sell the house, so I will be free of that when it sells..
The bullying tactics are not working with her lawyer, and when I submitted to her lawyer a lits of the things I want, it scared her into thinking that she'd be better to try and negotiate things on our own. thanks

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Sometimes, just explaining in civil terms to the other party where you stand, and not showing any emotion only the facts, and clearly that you will not be bullied nor will you tolerate misconduct they tend to see things differently.

Remember people treat you the way you let them treat you.
Man did that sound like Dr. Phil?

I’m glad things are progressing relatively ok for you; you seem to sound better than your first posts.

Maintain your focus, follow through on all you set out in your letters.
Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

The recording will work in your favour should you need to show how you are treated by the extended family even in simple issues/occasions like attending to pick up your belonging. Personally the in-laws should not have been present, but seeing as they were, they would have been better served to not say a single word. They are only making things worse for their daughter.

As for the tests, if she simply does not follow through seek an order for the test, and request reprieve from CS should she refuse until such time it is proven that you are indeed the parent. Bring up the issue, that if she felt so strongly that you were the father she’d do the tests to prove her claims. In light of the facts I feel a judge would see your side, and ask for a test to prove the paternity. They may even ask that the other potential parent also participate. I’m not too sure if the court would hold CS in the interim, but it’s worth a shot. Just my feelings, I’m no lawyer.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

found this....

PM - Thursday, 17 March , 2005 18:26:29
Reporter: Kerri Ritchie
MARK COLVIN: Three years ago it was hailed as a pioneering case.

Victorian man Liam Magill was awarded $70,000 compensation from his ex-wife after years of paying child support for two children that weren't his.

The court heard that Mr Magill's wife had been having an affair, and when their marriage ended, she demanded child maintenance from Mr Magill even though she suspected he wasn't the biological father.

Today, the Supreme Court of Victoria overturned the judgement.

His supporters, who are calling for law reform, say the ruling is a disgrace and it sends a message to women around the country that it's okay to deceive men.

In Melbourne, Kerri Ritchie reports.

KERRI RITCHIE: Liam Magill was not in court to hear the ruling.

His lawyer Vivien Mavropoulos used just one word to sum up how he would view the decision.

VIVIEN MAVROPOULOS: Harsh.

KERRI RITCHIE: 10 years ago, Liam Magill's world collapsed.

His ex-wife Meredith had told him she suspected he wasn't the father of one of their children.

She'd been having an affair during their four-year marriage.

But DNA tests revealed not one but two of the children were not his.

In 2002, Mr Magill sued his former wife.

The County Court found the law of deceit applied because Mr Magill had been falsely led to believe he was the father of the woman's two younger children. His name was on their birth certificates and on application forms for child support.

He was awarded damages of $70,000 for pain and suffering and past economic losses.

His former wife fought the decision and today, three judges in the Supreme Court in Victoria upheld her appeal.

Vivien Mavropoulos says her client has been "doing it tough" for some time, and today's decision will only add to his distress.

VIVIEN MAVROPOULOS: This will be a big blow for him, that's for sure.

KERRI RITCHIE: The three judges who overturned the ruling handed down a 48-page judgement outlining their reasons.

They found the law of deceit does not apply.

One Judge said he believed Mrs Magill did not "wholly" set out to deceive Mr Magill, and when the children were born she believed her husband was their father.

The court heard it wasn't until much later when Mrs Magill saw her lover's baby photos, that she realised at least one of the children was not Mr Magill's.

The judges agreed this was an unusual case and said their ruling should not be used as a precedent.

Vivien Mavropoulos says her client is considering appealing to the High Court.

VIVIEN MAVROPOULOS: There is definitely a lot of work that needs to be done in the area of paternity deceit.

KERRI RITCHIE: Listening intently in the public gallery today was Warren Lucas.

He says he also discovered he wasn't the biological father of one of his children, and fought to get the money he'd spent over 22 years rearing the child.

The matter was settled out of court.

WARREN LUCAS: The judges are too scared to make a decision because of the implications it's going to cause.

KERRI RITCHIE: Robin Bowles has been a friend of Liam Magill's for four years.

ROBIN BOWLES: You have to understand that this guy found out in a letter, from a DNA lab, that two out of three of his children were not his, many years after they were born, after he'd attended both their births and been their father effectively, all that time.

KERRI RITCHIE: She believes today's decision could have serious consequences.

ROBIN BOWLES: The message it sends to young women is that it's okay to be deceitful and it's okay to cheat in your marriage and then if the child is the result, then hoodwink the husband into paying everything for the children.

KERRI RITCHIE: The Women's Legal Service offered support to Meredith Magill throughout the appeal.

It's spokeswoman, Joanna Fletcher, says it's been an "ugly affair" and Liam Magill should never have pursued the case in court.

JOANNA FLETCHER: Because it's bad for children. You really have to ask how damaging it must be for the children of this marriage to have the man that they've always known as their father, suing their money for an injury and for return of money spent on them, really implying, really saying to them that he got no benefit or joy out of his relationship with them.

KERRI RITCHIE: Meredith Magill didn't want to be interviewed. Her lawyers say she's happy with today's result and now wants to get on with her life.

MARK COLVIN: Kerri Ritchie.

[crispy]

well, things have taken a turn for the better for me. After a barage of letters to her lawyer, I guess she has gotten the bill now, but she wants to try and negotiate things on our own and to leave her lawyer out of it. I recorded the whole conversation as I always do, and I am going to be seeing my kids again, and now she wants to get along. The whole time this has been going on, it was her freaking out on me. She has an appointment to go down to the dna lab for next weds. I went this past monday, and she stalled up until I sent a letter to her lawyer stating that if she has not made arrangements by the end of this friday, that I will be going to court to get the test court ordered, she complied. Took her until the absolute last moment, but she's doing it. This is good in my mind, because now, she has to be civil to finish things off, and she doesn't want to go to the lawyer anymore. Where before if I tried to tell her about my rights, she would only say to talk to her lawyer about it. It's a step in the right direction, only a step but at least I'm walking now instead of waiting.