Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

access for teens with jobs

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    For all of you with pushy exes being jerks about kids jobs, have you suggested they pick kid up from work on the days its not their time? Or suggest giving them an extra night when kid has to work?
    Both suggested. Both turned down. stbx was not willing to change the schedule as any rearrangement would interfere with his "personal time".

    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    A friend of mine had her eow parent in a city an hour away. She agreed with him that she would take one weekend a month off to see him as she had to work. Told him that if he didnt like it, he could pay her for the time she would miss. He agreed to her only having one weekend with him.
    DS tried similar last summer. Couldn't book weekends off (his workplace busiest times - DQ so he worked all long weekends too) but any weeknight he had off he offered to go to dads and stay over until the next time on the schedule as he was usually scheduled afternoon to late evening and not every weekday. His dad said no. Dad said he wouldn't take him to and from work.

    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    My partners kid agreed she would book time off to see him and then messed up her schedule and cancelled on him. He was out several hundred dollars and his ex refused to have kid take responsibility. He then made efforts to spend weekends in town to see her after work, that got screwed up by the ex too.
    As long as one parent is unreasonable then the kids are stuck in the middle ducking out of reach. Building a strong relationship with the child as they are growing up and keeping communication flowing - and being flexible with the child's needs - are probably the key to make it work. Leave the other parent out of it as much as possible. At this age why would there be any opportunity for the other parent to interfere? I told DS last summer to keep it between him and his dad and to let me know if he needed me around - mainly to drive him if his dad wasn't showing up. That's it. The rest was between the two of them. I was still blamed by stbx - but I know it was entirely in his hands to mess up or step up.

    And yes, I have kept all emails etc regarding his demand that DS not work in the summer or his limit to his schedule, and the email from the manager saying his concerns continuing with DS' employment if his parents would not be allowing him to work when he needed to schedule him (he didn't know we were different homes). So if it came down to it, really depending on how this summer goes, I will be asking to have proportions changed for post-secondary so he is responsible for DS' share. I just want to keep it in DS' hands to work this out because I know he really wants to make it work. Time will tell

    Comment


    • #17
      This has been interesting reading everyone thoughts, cashcow4ex mentions the Generation Z is a self entitled generation, but Im beginning to think it us parents! We are the Helicopter Parents hovering over our children so we dont miss any parenting time.

      Comment


      • #18
        Remember: Child support is to support the child.

        If the child is independent enough to have a job and earn an income then that child should also be paying some of there way. Not sure how this works out in the CS end of things. How would a court look at a child earning 1200 a month and a parent getting 1200 a month in CS and that child spending no time with the other non-resident CS paying parent.

        Comment


        • #19
          Tayken, the courts dont care. My partners kids have terminated their relationships with him. Hes still obligated to pay cs and his portion of school expenses. Look at all the other cases of parents who have kids give them the finger but are still paying. Farden factors are bs.

          Thats not to say that some of these parents are right. Getting your kid fired because they cant modify schedules is a little extreme!

          Comment


          • #20
            And a payor with CS arrears still has a right to parenting time with their child. It works both ways - failure of one (time or payment) does not determine the other (time or payment).

            While the OP question is an extreme case if the child is away from home for 9 weeks of summer vacation - both access parent and child should be looking for a compromise to still spend some time together. If I was the primary care parent in that case I would still want to work out some time to see my kid over the summer! All or nothing just builds resentment from both perspectives.

            For DS he needs his summer employment to be able to contribute to his post-secondary. Last summer, although he only worked for about 6 weeks, he was saving most and spending the rest on time with friends, movies, records (old school!), and video games. He was learning about budgeting so his pay lasted until the next cheque came. Great life lessons. He is a disciplined saver so I know most of his money will end up going to his share of post-secondary. And he offered to show his dad what he did with his money too.

            Dad not "allowing" him to work on his summer vacations will mean he isn't able to contribute and he knows it's expected with no excuses. His brother is in his 2nd year and has dealt with dad in that respect. For some reason, dad didn't seem bothered by older DS working on "his time" from the summer after grade 11 onward (when we separated). Dad even drove him back and forth to work so they could spend time together. No resentment. No argument.

            Comment


            • #21
              I think ome thing being overlooked here is that it's not just the NCP giving up time with the kid to facilitate this opportunity for them, CP is also giving up their time with the kid.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                I think ome thing being overlooked here is that it's not just the NCP giving up time with the kid to facilitate this opportunity for them, CP is also giving up their time with the kid.


                Very good point!

                Honestly in my opinion I think it’s rather crappy as a parent to prevent a teen from having a job. Regardless if you’re a CP or NCP... I know we will be faced with this possibility next summer as my step son will be turning 14... we have discussed and we both know that we will most likely not see a ton of him in the summer (we live 1.5 hours away), he most likely won’t be coming for his 2 weeks in July and 2 weeks in August... that’s just how life goes... I mean honestly you stop a 14 maybe 15 year old from working but when they hit 16, good luck trying to force access. A suppose a parent could take it to court but I highly doubt a judge will order a 16 year old go to visits over working. I would hope by the time they reach that age that a parent and child have developed a good relationship that they can work out their own communication and parenting schedules.

                FWIW, my brother is 15... he worked all last summer, he worked full time (40 a week) at a restaurant, when he wasn’t working he was hanging out with his friends... honestly my parents were lucky if they saw him for an hour a day... some times they went a couple days without seeing him because he worked with his friend and they would work and go back to friends house and then go to work the next day, some days friend came back to my parents house and they did the same thing. It’s not uncommon for him to be gone all weekend working or with friends... just what teenagers do right? It’s good for teens to work... my brother was able to have his spending money and still banked away $3000 by the end of summer... at 14 I think that’s awesome


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  Tayken, the courts dont care.
                  Has your matter even gone to a Motion yet? My understanding from your postings that you are in the conference loop where material decisions cannot be made.

                  Furthermore, children often are expected to contribute to their education. In some cases 1/3 of it.

                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  My partners kids have terminated their relationships with him. Hes still obligated to pay cs and his portion of school expenses. Look at all the other cases of parents who have kids give them the finger but are still paying. Farden factors are bs.
                  Again, many of these matters die in conferences because no one ever brings the matter to a motion or trial. Those that do have different results and CanLII has them.

                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  Thats not to say that some of these parents are right. Getting your kid fired because they cant modify schedules is a little extreme!
                  The thing everyone has to remember is that CS is temporary. It has a terminating date eventually. There aren't any 30+-year-olds living with the other parent who is collecting CS.

                  Ultimately, the child will be deemed an independent adult and it will all end. CS, payment for schooling, etc...

                  Time is on your side.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                    I think ome thing being overlooked here is that it's not just the NCP giving up time with the kid to facilitate this opportunity for them, CP is also giving up their time with the kid.
                    But, the child is returning every night to sleep at the residential parent every night. They are not spending any time, even sleeping time, with the other parent when they surely can in most situations.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      Honestly in my opinion I think it’s rather crappy as a parent to prevent a teen from having a job.
                      I think it is crappier for a parent to not promote access to the other parent over a job and uses the job as an excuse as to why the child isn't spending time with the other parent.

                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      (we live 1.5 hours away), he most likely won’t be coming for his 2 weeks in July and 2 weeks in August...
                      No offense, but, the job is not the reason the child won't be coming. The reason is you live 1.5 hours away. That is one hell of a commute to work. You might see the child consistently and in the regular pattern you are used to if you lived in close proximity to the child.

                      I don't see employment as the "reason" the child is not going to come. Distance is the reason. If you lived 30 minutes from the other parent... Would things be different? Probably.

                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      that’s just how life goes... I mean honestly you stop a 14 maybe 15 year old from working but when they hit 16, good luck trying to force access.
                      Good luck trying to have access to a child when you live 1.5 hours away! Employment has NOTHING to do with it really.

                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      A suppose a parent could take it to court but I highly doubt a judge will order a 16 year old go to visits over working. I would hope by the time they reach that age that a parent and child have developed a good relationship that they can work out their own communication and parenting schedules.
                      Or the parent would have moved into close proximity of the child to better facilitate meaningful access??

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        OP indicates the child will stay at a local relative's residence, not the CP's residence. I assumed this meant that the child would be staying overnight rhere and arrangements would need to be made for either parent to visit with the child while away.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          access for teens with jobs

                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          I think it is crappier for a parent to not promote access to the other parent over a job and uses the job as an excuse as to why the child isn't spending time with the other parent.







                          No offense, but, the job is not the reason the child won't be coming. The reason is you live 1.5 hours away. That is one hell of a commute to work. You might see the child consistently and in the regular pattern you are used to if you lived in close proximity to the child.



                          I don't see employment as the "reason" the child is not going to come. Distance is the reason. If you lived 30 minutes from the other parent... Would things be different? Probably.







                          Good luck trying to have access to a child when you live 1.5 hours away! Employment has NOTHING to do with it really.







                          Or the parent would have moved into close proximity of the child to better facilitate meaningful access??


                          I think you have misunderstood. We are not arguing about access. We realize our distance will be a factor in not seeing the teen shall he decide to get a job. We are not arguing the teen should come and have to commute 1.5 hours to work and back. We KNOW we won’t see the teen for two weeks in July and two weeks in August if teen should get a job.

                          I can understand where you are coming from but moving closer isn’t always an option. Surely if my husband went from making the $85k he does a year to $40k his ex would have his butt to court and argue he is underemployed. He doesn’t stand a chance at making even close to $85k where the children reside. He use to work factory in that town because that’s all their is. Not everything is as cut and dry as you want to make it seem. Employment isn’t as easy to come by as some would hope.

                          Think of those who work for someone like Ontario Power Generation or Bruce Power, they don’t have the option just to relocate anywhere in Ontario. Their jobs are limited to certain areas.

                          I’m not here to argue because in my mind stopping a teen from having a job because a parent wants to demand their parenting time is crappy in my opinion. So what a parent forces a teen to come during the summer and then that parent goes to work every day and teen just sits around the house? Jobs keep teens out of trouble, jobs teach teens responsibility. You won’t convince me that a parents time should trump a teen having a job and learning valuable life skills and if that makes me a crappy parent then oh well, I will gladly be a crappy parent for a few years so our teens can have those experiences and learn those lessons that first jobs provide


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Reasonable parents make sacrifices for the good of their children. Reasonable parents put their children first. Reasonable parents aren’t jerks about this stuff.

                            That said, a job several hours away for the whole summer deserves a discussion between both parents and the child. If the other parent is going to be unreasonable then try to find a solution like kid works in town or kid comes home once a month to see the other parent.

                            If the unreasonable parent wont budge, kid is old enough to decide by 16-17. If they want to take it to court and waste the money, let them.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              access for teens with jobs

                              Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                              Has your matter even gone to a Motion yet? My understanding from your postings that you are in the conference loop where material decisions cannot be made.
                              I thought these things just go through conferences. Lawyer hopes it will be settled. We are waiting for ex to file for a conference date.

                              Furthermore, children often are expected to contribute to their education. In some cases 1/3 of it.
                              Thats if the parties agree and/or a judge pushes them there. Ex thinks kid shouldn’t have to work because kids should be kids and parents should sacrifice for them.

                              Again, many of these matters die in conferences because no one ever brings the matter to a motion or trial. Those that do have different results and CanLII has them.
                              I asked the lawyer this. He said he’s argued both sides and its the luck of the draw so to speak but on the whole, judges don’t want kids to suffer. If the ex refuses to settle, it will probably go to a motion and I hope my partner is successful since he is being reasonable and following the law.

                              The thing everyone has to remember is that CS is temporary. It has a terminating date eventually. There aren't any 30+-year-olds living with the other parent who is collecting CS.
                              Ultimately, the child will be deemed an independent adult and it will all end. CS, payment for schooling, etc...
                              Time is on your side.
                              Yes but getting there is the problem and having FRO get it is an addition to that and having the ex get it and not waste $$$ on lawyers is the multiplying factor.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                                OP indicates the child will stay at a local relative's residence, not the CP's residence. I assumed this meant that the child would be staying overnight rhere and arrangements would need to be made for either parent to visit with the child while away.
                                Then CS ends in this scenario.

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X