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  • need help. I screwed up

    Hello I will start of that I have two girls 8 and 6. Lived with there dad for 8 years. We separated in April 2015. I should have done everything then. I am self employed and have not done tax returns ever, either has he. We have no money for lawyers and because no tax returns no legal aid.

    In that time I have received no child support and struggle financially. He has in the year and a but lived with three different woman and the kids have stayed over all three places.

    The problem is he will show up at my place and try and take kids for a few hours, or show up at the school at take them over night. I seems he is taking them every second weekend as of late but will call at all hours and say I am taking them tomorrow and if I say you can't they have swimming or dance etc he threatens me and swears and will show up and take them. With his new person now he is threatening court so he can get spousal support.

    I don't mind him having the kids every second weekend but but he wont do an order or agreement. he wants to be in charge. he won't pay child support and now he is doing his taxes as I am sure he wants the chils tax benefits and he took there birth certrificates and sin cards. I want to do my taxes but will owe so much money its scares me. I know its my fault but any suggestions.

    One of my girlfriends said if I start and action for custody and only table amount support no extra curricular splitting of expenses ( dance skating etc ) I don't need to file tax returns. If he then asks for support or 50/50 split. He lives an hour away and would nt drive them each day. Would I then have to file tax returns. Its hard even getting out of bed knowing he will just show up and call and threaten me. Not violence about taking kids etc. Is there an easy way to get a court order saying Im the mom they live with me most of the time , follow this schedule and no picking up at school without my permission

    sorry I feel so weak and helpless

  • #2
    You are in a pickle. However, your problem(s) are not insurmountable. You need to make a plan of action.

    One sign of clinical depression can be extreme procrastination. I would recommend that you take a first step of getting to a doctor and getting a thorough check up. Simple medication may help.

    Assuming you have a job (?) you should seek out financial counselling and get your affairs in order. It can't be pleasant living with the fear of owing money and not filing tax returns every year. Things may not be as bad as you think they are. You will have options, including bankruptcy.

    Even going to court requires that you complete a financial statement along with tax returns.

    In summary, get yourself assessed by a physician and then get some financial advice.

    Comment


    • #3
      I am self employed and have a friend who has tried to help me with budget etc. I am basically living week to week with no thrills. That is with income and no taxes. She also figured with my income I would be getting around $13k a year in hst child credits etc. And that I would owe around $60k in taxes, before interest and penalties. I would be willing to give them the 13k each year till Im paid up. But then I amstill short on each month with present taxes. I have no car, and I take no trips since breakup and I am very frugal.

      I am on medication for depression.

      I should have done this from the beginning. He barely worked when we were together which is why we I didn't pay taxes. But that's on me. I am in this because of my actions no one else

      Comment


      • #4
        Why have you not filed your tax returns?

        There is no reason not to file. If you owe money and you haven't filed, you will eventually have to pay back taxes plus interest, so might as well file now and figure out how bad it is. If you don't owe money, then the government likely owes you money, so not filing is silly.

        File your taxes.

        Then you can ask for s7 and all the other goodies.

        Comment


        • #5
          Sorry, my post got delayed somehow, there were no responses when I wrote first.

          Originally posted by shelly View Post
          I am self employed and have a friend who has tried to help me with budget etc. I am basically living week to week with no thrills. That is with income and no taxes. She also figured with my income I would be getting around $13k a year in hst child credits etc. And that I would owe around $60k in taxes, before interest and penalties. I would be willing to give them the 13k each year till Im paid up. But then I amstill short on each month with present taxes. I have no car, and I take no trips since breakup and I am very frugal.
          If you owe 60k, then it might be worth hiring a professional to actually work through what you owe instead of a friend. Especially if you are depressed and can't really think straight.

          What is your income? Are you sure you owe 60k?

          I should have done this from the beginning. He barely worked when we were together which is why we I didn't pay taxes. But that's on me. I am in this because of my actions no one else
          Worst case scenario is probably not even remotely as bad as you think. Even bankruptcy is not too terrible, though I suspect you might be able to avoid bankruptcy.

          Advice stands: File your taxes first. Deal with custody stuff once the money is lined up. Custody stuff is unpleasant but it doesn't sound like he is about to abduct them so it isn't an emergency.

          Comment


          • #6
            A bankruptcy trustee will meet with you and discuss your situation with you at no cost. They will give you options. If you do decide to go bankrupt then the trustee will file all of your tax returns for you (part of the fee that you will have to pay which you can pay monthly). I believe the minimum fee is 1800.00 for bankruptcy.

            I hope you are keeping regular appointments with your doctor and you should probably get some counselling to go with the medications.

            I agree with Janus - don't get a friend to calculate your taxes.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by shelly View Post
              Hello I will start of that I have two girls 8 and 6. Lived with there dad for 8 years. We separated in April 2015. I should have done everything then. I am self employed and have not done tax returns ever, either has he. We have no money for lawyers and because no tax returns no legal aid.

              In that time I have received no child support and struggle financially. He has in the year and a but lived with three different woman and the kids have stayed over all three places.

              The problem is he will show up at my place and try and take kids for a few hours, or show up at the school at take them over night. I seems he is taking them every second weekend as of late but will call at all hours and say I am taking them tomorrow and if I say you can't they have swimming or dance etc he threatens me and swears and will show up and take them. With his new person now he is threatening court so he can get spousal support.

              I don't mind him having the kids every second weekend but but he wont do an order or agreement. he wants to be in charge. he won't pay child support and now he is doing his taxes as I am sure he wants the chils tax benefits and he took there birth certrificates and sin cards. I want to do my taxes but will owe so much money its scares me. I know its my fault but any suggestions.

              One of my girlfriends said if I start and action for custody and only table amount support no extra curricular splitting of expenses ( dance skating etc ) I don't need to file tax returns. If he then asks for support or 50/50 split. He lives an hour away and would nt drive them each day. Would I then have to file tax returns. Its hard even getting out of bed knowing he will just show up and call and threaten me. Not violence about taking kids etc. Is there an easy way to get a court order saying Im the mom they live with me most of the time , follow this schedule and no picking up at school without my permission

              sorry I feel so weak and helpless
              first off get your tax returns done. All the benefits you missed due to not filing taxes would of helped you.

              He needs to prove he needs spousal support and that you can actually pay it. You will need to do updated financials for that and so will he.

              You sound like a gatekeeper. He can have the kids when you think its okay. If I was him I wouldn't sign anything less then 50/50. You say he wants to control the situation but so do you. You want to control when he sees them etc.

              You need to get your tax situation sorted out and maybe its time to change from self employed to employed by someone else where they take taxes off for you.

              It may be worth the money to get a qualified accountant to help you file your taxes. Yes it may cost some money but in the end it would be worth it as they have a better knowledge of tax loopholes etc. You may not owe as much as you think you do.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks , my friend wasn't going to do taxes . She was helping me figure out child credits etc as I know my ex is going to be applying for them as he knows I haven't done taxes . I was using ballpark figures for the 60k owing . I have an appointment with bankruptcy trustee . Again it was me who didn't fold the taxes . I am self employed and with him not working most of the time we needed the money to live . My fault

                Comment


                • #9
                  I went bankrupt it's roses, but I make w lot of money and have a helpful family

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Get your financials sorted out and get that all together, I.e, file taxes

                    All the allegations of abuse and threats need to be backed up by evidence

                    If he's in their life and willing to be it may be difficult to take over all the rights. He will more than likely go for sole or 50-50




                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Sorry it's been a while . He doesn't want 50/50. He may eventually but lives an hour away and takes them every second weekend right now . He did threaten me with that snd I said ok. School starts at 9 and ends at 4 . Here's the backpacks . To which he said I think we should get s school in the middle as he knows I have no car . I said no . He then said if I'm working in Ottawa inwill drop of at your place at 6am ( so I can take yo bus make lunch get up early make breakfast and he would pick up st my place after supper and drive an hour home . I said no
                      .he then threatened support again I said apply for it . I'm getting taxes done my accountant said I get child benefits and will get child support ( he mdkes nothing so nothing there ) said they base it on your income snd girlfriends as you live together ( I know they don't just causing shit ) snd then he starts swearing and threatening in front of kids with them crying .

                      Getting taxes find but bankruptcy foednt guarantee tax debt but they might be able to work out deal

                      Comment

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