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She was awarded Sole Custody, time to appeal...help?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by riverbag View Post
    She shouldn't be able to control communication and then say we can't, that's not correct.
    No kidding, but that is a tried and true stategy to obtain sole custody. Not being an expert on that, it's hard to advise on how you could better have responded to that.

    My knee jerk reaction is that you would want to try to come across as despairing about the whole thing, that you throw your hands up in the air and implore the judge to see that you were desparately seeking to get along and that she was being obstinate.

    But there's a fine there between despairing of her conduct and trashing her behaviour. It sounds like the judge formed an opinion that you were engaged in conflict as equally as her. But that's all Monday morning quarterbacking now.

    I fear that you will have a very, very tough time finding grounds for appeal.

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    • #17
      Canli

      Hey as soon as the link is up, I'd be happy to share it. I'm very confident that the Judge erred in ordering Sole Custody as it isn't in the bets interests of the children. My Ex stole the children, I was the primary caregiver and she admitted to that in Trial when she said I spent more time with the children. The Status Quo was a hostage situation that I attempted to rectify through the only manner I could, negotiation and court. I was awarded extra time in a motion in January as the Judge did not agree with my Ex's claim that I was controlling and overbearing and he saw almost exactly what the Judge saw in Trial. I felt that My Ex controlling of access was an attempt to create a status quo that a jusge wouldn't change and it seems that it may have worked for now. The system is flawed and it's failing the children and specifically MY CHILDREN. I am so frustrated as I did everything I could without getting angry, or making it personal to my Ex. I kept the children at the forefront and they're still getting screwed. I was seeing them every 2nd weekend, an overnight on Tues and 2 hrs on Thurs. The new order has me seeing them 1 day a week for 2 hrs, every second weekend and 1 5 min call every week.......plus I have no say in how they are raised...I have been reduced to an uncle and I've done nothing to deserve it, No Abuse to the Ex or the children, I've paid CS every month without question, used up all my vacation time looking after the children when they were sick or had appointments. I am a Good Father and have shown it, but the Judge is twisting my attempts to stay a Good involved Father into some sick joke to deny the children fair access to their Father..It's not right and I have to appeal even if it puts me on the street.

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      • #18
        I don't see how this:

        Originally posted by riverbag View Post
        I was the primary caregiver and she admitted to that in Trial when she said I spent more time with the children..
        reconciles with this:

        Originally posted by riverbag View Post
        I was seeing them every 2nd weekend, an overnight on Tues and 2 hrs on Thurs.
        Was the first statement what was going on during the marriage?

        If so, that status quo during the legal proceedings probably sunk you.

        Comment


        • #19
          I am very sorry. I wish that all parents would see how valuable 50-50 is to children instead of trying to "win" their children by taking time away from the other parent. If you are doing the right thing, your children will know it when they get older. I am glad to hear that you will not give up. Hope it all works out the best for your kids.

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          • #20
            Without any involvement from the OCL or an assessment, it's hard to belive that the children's best interests are being served by an order of this type. It obvious from the evidence that my involvement is good for the children so therefore a reduction in that involvement cannot be good for the children.

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            • #21
              It was what was occurring prior to separation. I don't get how giving me less time benefits the children though. My understanding is that the order takes the "best interests of the children" not the best interests of the EX.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by lumpy View Post
                If you are doing the right thing, your children will know it when they get older.
                I couldn't possibly agree more.

                It was the toughest 2 years, I think, of my life: My ex was absolutely vicious in her attempts to alienate our kids and me. That is not hyperbole: She was VICIOUS.

                All my friends and all the professionals I spoke to told me that I was doing the right thing: I refused to engage, I told them that I loved them, and that their Mom loved them. When they asked why Mom was saying "those things" I always explained that Mom is very upset and afraid of losing them. I told them that Mom isn't herself and that she'd be better soon. I took every kick in the nuts that she dealt out and cried myself to sleep every night, thinking that I'd likely never see my goobers again.

                This lasted just over 2 years and then, just like everybody told me they would, our kids showed that they were perfectly capable of thinking for themselves. Both live with me now, and their Mom is 3 provinces away, still living in her dark world of hate and anger. I hope that she comes around, for the kids' sake, and the sooner the better.

                Yikes, I'm rambling.

                My point is that kids ain't stupid. If someone is being nasty they will figure it out for themselves. Messing with kids' minds is one place where I have come to believe that a person reaps what they sow, and evildoing is sure to backfire.

                Cheers!

                Gary (doin' the Parent Thing, and lovin' it)

                Comment


                • #23
                  Thanks Gary

                  Hi Gary,

                  Happy to hear it worked out for you, my concern here is that her Family hates me too and that they'll all work together and with my limited access in the new order...I'm not so sure that the children will see the truth if they don't see enough of it. I have to believe that if I continue to do what's right for the kids, in the end they'll be ok, even if they're not with me as much as I think they should be. I have a life that I can move on to, I just think the children are better served being with me 50% of the time and I was very confident that I showed that in my evidence, had the judge taken the time and a fair perspective to look at it.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by riverbag View Post
                    Hi Gary,

                    Happy to hear it worked out for you, my concern here is that her Family hates me too and that they'll all work together and with my limited access in the new order
                    You're in good company, my friend. Her family is bankrolling her lawyer for her latest round of zaniness: She's trying to cost me my house in the belief that if I lose the home the kids will have to move to Saskatchewan with her.

                    Extended family nastiness backfires too: I paid to fly the kids out to visit her several times, and each time she and her family tried to convince the kids to stay, but instead of stressing possible good reasons, they chose the Dark Side (grin) at each and every opportunity: Your Dad is a Bad Man. He hurt Mommy. He's an evil, naughty boy.... The result? The kids will no longer go to visit. They flat-out refuse to go.

                    Here's the thing: Parents are, for the better part of kids' young lives, a child's entire universe. One thing that is worse than a child's parents splitting up is being told that one of those parents doesn't love him/her. Beyond being a form of extreme abuse (kicking the kid while (s)he's down, even), it's a devastating rip in the fabric of that child's universe. When that child figures out the Truth, and (s)he will, the backfire is tremendous.

                    Actions speak louder than words: Love the living snot out of them at every opportunity. Don't play the game and resist the temptation to show them the light: They'll find it all on their own. And when they do, your bond will be indescribably strong.

                    Alienation: It hurts... it hurts like nothing else has ever hurt. It ain't fair and alienation should be a capital offence. Until it's treated as seriously as it should be, though, it's up to us to fix it.

                    This isn't some new-age psychobabble bullshit: It's the voice of experience. You only get to do this once: Do it right.

                    Cheers!

                    Gary

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      I completely agree Gary, when she plays these games with the kids, she's not only hurting them, she's hurting me and herself, but the cure for all that is love...simply allowing the children to be children without the adult demonization of the other. Just now I got a call from my oldest (6yrs old) asking me if she could come and see me tonight. I said that she could as I would be home but she needed to ask her Mother...her reply, Mommy doesn't know I'm calling you, she doesn't want me to call you and she said I can't go. I reassured her that she would see me on Tuesday and that I loved her. She was crying when she hung up, but I know that she'll be over tomorrow and I can make it better by being the loving Parent I am....It's hard right now, but I'm going to do whatever I can to make her life as normal as I can.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by riverbag View Post
                        I reassured her that she would see me on Tuesday and that I loved her. She was crying when she hung up, but I know that she'll be over tomorrow and I can make it better by being the loving Parent I am
                        PERFECT!!!

                        Now, on Tuesday, hug her until she can't breathe, never mention this incident, and be happy, Happy, HAPPY!

                        She'll be happy for it, and that's ALL that matters.

                        It's all we can do, Bro'

                        Cheers!

                        Gary

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          I was just reminder by my Ex that the order starts immediately so I don't get my children for as long as I usually do, this after my oldest called me crying because she doesn't get to stay with me tonight.

                          Can I file a motion asking for the order to be suspended pending my appeal??

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                          • #28
                            Question about openness of the trial record

                            If the trial is completed, is the trial record an "open" document, viewable by the public?? Can I discuss this with a newspaper?? an online website?? There's nothing in the order about keeping it quiet.

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                            • #29
                              Why don't you invest in a lawyer? Maybe they will be more advisable of your current situation.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                                Why don't you invest in a lawyer? Maybe they will be more advisable of your current situation.
                                I am bankrupt and paying child support, that's why

                                Comment

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