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  • One more step done!

    Please join me in a celebratory cyber-drink! woot!

    Had our settlement conference today and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.

    The judge basically told my ex and his lawyer that they don't have a case and to accept our offer. I actually felt bad for my ex as his lawyer was just terrible. However, it is difficult to make a sound argument when you have NOTHING.

    I'm pretty sure my ex won't accept our offer since he feels like he needs to 'tell on me'. *sigh* So off to trial we go.

    We are one step closer to having this insane mess over with.

  • #2
    congratulations and all the best on your journey - yeah it's silly when they want their day in court - NOBODY CARES BUDDY!

    Comment


    • #3
      Well, trial is one way to end it! With the Judge saying they don't have a case, I'm surprised it's even going to Trial. It's like my ex. He's the "never say die" type! He got his ass handed to him.

      Make very sure that your lawyer will argue for ie: Section 7, life insurance, c.o.l.a., etc. I had expected my lawyer to do so, and I had spoke of those often - so I was disappointed when I saw the judgment and there was no mention of them. My lawyer said "well, we didn't argue for those - that's why they aren't included."

      Great time for me to find that out. Now I'm left trying to figure out how to go about changing the order. It's a total pain in the ass.

      You will have a different Judge for Trial, but I'm pretty sure the judge's talk

      Oh, and if you are awarded "Costs" which you likely will be - make sure your lawyer insists in the Cost Submissions that they be "enforced by FRO"

      Another lesson I learned the hard way. Judge did not put that in the decision. Lawyer "assumed" the costs were enforced. Nope! Costs remain unpaid and likely the order will need to be amended. Or "attempted" to be amended. Another pain in the ass. I feel like I'll never get out of Court. 4 years and counting! I'm so tired of all this. The loose ends, the oversights, the bullshit. Best of Luck

      PS: my ex didn't accept our offer either. He could've saved himself a lot of humiliation, but I don't know that he has any shame. He's a grandstander so him and his ass lawyer marched us right into trial. One last word of advice: **Don't** feel sorry for him. He's brought it all onto himself.
      Last edited by hadenough; 09-07-2012, 11:48 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        sorry I am late getting in here. I have like many followed CSAngel's saga and at least in my case I ccan feel for what I can only describe as futility. When the other side spits out nothing but noncogent crap, holds a position to the real issues in dispute with No, or I have no memory or I didn't do it, HE did!! when there is so many documents signed and my lawyer really doesn't have a handle on the documents, just the storyand I know he is testing me, I am the one who will be raked over the coles for my medical issues which I have no control, so here I struggle.

        Hadenough, what you pointed out here is really important a lesson in that there is no assuming anything and there is nothing automatic no matter how simple or how obvious. It is like there is nothing learned - how can the court NOT assign what I personally consider an award, a piece of property to you at that point and that is to at least have some of your costs returned. I am sure AH ex's in the court are AH after and I just can't see one of those paying squat unless FORCED TO DO SO - is the court that stupid to not realize this, to put an end to the overburdened courts is as simple as tacking on some words to the final order???

        I do not think I ever typed what opinion a judge had 2 months ago because is it she felt sorry for my ex?? otherwise I am in a real bad way this last few weeks and maybe today was one of those peeks and I read this thread and it jjust hit a chord...... one of my bi-weekly vents on a moment of weekness is coming....sorry

        For me, the CC judge thought it was just horrible at the thought my ex would be left with nothing, that I thought it was fair to have excluded damages (which we did the right thing 25 years ago and put it into my RRSP..... making my RRSP not up for equalization). It has been two months and it is just another piece that eats at me..... The last words/warning of the judge was to be careful as I may win every battle, every squirmish but if it were her she would make sure I lost the war!

        So it is my fault we were conservative, scared for our (reality my retirement/my rrsp/my now will end up slashed age 65 cpp/.....) is it my fault the excluded retirement security is just that? Is it my fault that she took 40K and gambled it away and is it my fault she did outright IMHO stole my mom's small inheritance - to cover the 40K losses, (was again saved for retirement - all because I am on disability and it was my only way to survive in the next few years?) and...... is it my Ffault? Oh and the war? because we, yes her too, we were smart enough that in the last couple of years that this judge would balance the scale by slashing any SS that would otherwise let me eat for the next few years....... I suppose by then retirement won't matter cuz I would have starved..... or maybe the judge has ideas for this problem.... eating???

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by CSAngel View Post
          ...
          The judge basically told my ex and his lawyer that they don't have a case and to accept our offer.
          ...
          I'm pretty sure my ex won't accept our offer since he feels like he needs to 'tell on me'...
          I felt the judge was very clear at my case conference that most of what my ex wanted was unreasonable and a dead issue, and the rest of what she wanted, was already something I agreed with and was doing. Meaning, there is no value in my ex pursuing court.

          However, immediately after the CC I had a meeting with my ex and her lawyer, where we did decided to try to work out an agreement. But the ex and her lawyer disagreed with me that the judge indicated what was clear to me.

          I think people hear what they want, but when a judges literally uses the words 'dead issue', I would think it was impossible to misinterpret. Not for some it seems.

          5 years and still not divorced - I'm starting to look forward to court.

          Comment


          • #6
            I feel for you Bill. Early on during the months of separation before my divorce I attended a 4 way meeting. One hour into that I knew that it was a waste of time. Next day instructed my lawyer to cut to the chase and get things done. Had we not had a binding JDR process here I'm sure we'd still be far from divorce.
            Hope you get to court soon and get it over with.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by CSAngel View Post
              Please join me in a celebratory cyber-drink! woot!

              Had our settlement conference today and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.

              The judge basically told my ex and his lawyer that they don't have a case and to accept our offer. I actually felt bad for my ex as his lawyer was just terrible. However, it is difficult to make a sound argument when you have NOTHING.

              I'm pretty sure my ex won't accept our offer since he feels like he needs to 'tell on me'. *sigh* So off to trial we go.

              We are one step closer to having this insane mess over with.
              CSAngel,

              One step closer to either getting settlement on the matters or a trial. Trials are no fun so hopefully, with fingers crossed, the other party to the matter seriously considers the feedback from the justice at the Conference.

              With regards to the part in bold that I quoted. This is a commonly recognized pattern of behaviour by Mr. William Eddy (author, "It's All Your Fault", "Splitting", et all...). Highly conflicted people seek out negative advocate lawyers who will "tell it to the judge". Some times, these negative advocate lawyers are so bad at this that they actually send correspondence to the other party stating they are going to "tell it all to the judge".

              The look of astonishment of the negative advocate solicitor when the judge turns around and tells them they are paranoid, wasting court time, or directly tells their client to hire a new lawyer is often priceless. Having seen this on three ocassions at motions I sit in on Judges don't like it when solicitors (or their clients) come to a conference or motion to "tell it like it is".

              Judges need cogent and relevant evidence to support arguments... Not hearsay, negative advocacy and more conflict to make a sound decision. If the other party just comes with complaints and nothing to support them... Don't expect the trial judge to be happy about what has unfolded... Especially when it comes time to determine costs.

              Having to watch a judge call a party and their lawyer "paranoid" on a number of times doesn't seem to work in some files. This is because the client and lawyer both may be exhibiting highly conflicted and deeply integrated patterns of behaviour that are highly conflicted. They often feed off each other in an attempt to win, versus settle the matter.

              More has to be done to stop this kind of conduct by clients and their negative advocate solicitors before the courts.

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                Agree with you Tayken. I think the courts should start a process similar to what building contractors go through. When entering litigation both parties should have to post "performance bonds." with the court. It wouldn't hurt to have laywers contribute to same bond. Bond should reflect the combined incomes/assets of parties. In construction if you go over a certain date of completion you can lose your performance bond.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  Agree with you Tayken. I think the courts should start a process similar to what building contractors go through. When entering litigation both parties should have to post "performance bonds." with the court. It wouldn't hurt to have laywers contribute to same bond. Bond should reflect the combined incomes/assets of parties. In construction if you go over a certain date of completion you can lose your performance bond.
                  I actually found this person's viewpoints quite interesting about what should be done about "Family Law":

                  The Family Law Fix | The Mark News

                  "Family Relations Tribunal"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                    I actually found this person's viewpoints quite interesting about what should be done about "Family Law":

                    The Family Law Fix | The Mark News

                    "Family Relations Tribunal"
                    That path would be great for normal situations but for those really "special" high conflict individuals with legal aid blank cheques....it could even get worse.But on the other hand, with courts not backed up everything would go faster anyway.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Know what the best part of the settlement conference was? The very beginning. Out of all the issues, the judge started with the fact that my ex was refusing to provide me with a blanket travel letter for the US. Hearing him tell my ex that I have our children half the time, I have the right to travel with them on my time and that he needed to 'get used to it' was pure joy. Oh, the crap I've dealt with for the last three years. To finally have a judge tell him how it is felt pretty damned good.

                      I'm pretty sure it's this refusal that made it obvious to the judge that he has a high conflict personality and set the tone for the rest of the conference.

                      I still don't have my letter though.

                      Comment

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