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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #51  
Old 04-17-2019, 12:46 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
1. Open a RESP, thats $7000 in grants.
2. Work with kid to choose a program of study with employment opportunities. Spending 60 grand to be unemployed is worthless.
3. Make sure kid knows they have to contribute.
I've banked it in a savings account for now. I'm not savvy on how RESPs work in divorced situations- but I'll try to remedy that soon.

D2 is so young- but speaking with my nephew who's 11- my sister and her husband do an awesome job explaining that the trades and college are such a good choice. My sister is a registered psychologist and her husband has a college degree but they both just tell him that they expect him to work up to his potential at this point.

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My niece chose to go away. Her parents said if she chose to go away, they would pay her living costs and thats it. She pays the rest. My friends parents paid their tuition and books but they had to stay home. My partner and I paid all our own school costs. I survived $50,000 in loans. Paid them off finally in my 30’s. Its called life. Parents shouldn’t go broke for their own education AND their kids.
Agreed that parents shouldn't go broke for kids education but at the same time- I come from a bit of a different school of thought, wherein if the kid works hard and earns the grades to go to post-secondary, I want to be able to pay for it fully. Their job as children is to work hard to live up to their potential- academic or otherwise. My job is to work my butt off to offer them post secondary, or whatever other help they need (e.g. helping with costs for internships through a trades program or the like) to set them up for their careers.

My parents funded 100% of our undergrad. We were expected to work and pay our car costs and have our own spending money. But our parents did not want us working during the school year. We both did anyways- and were able to handle it fine.

My parents gave my sister and I the option for undergrad- you go away and they'll pay the extra cost, or you stay local and they would buy us a car. My sister stayed local- I chose to go away. None of this taught us to take education for granted. And we both worked our butts off in school- and in life to set ourselves up. It's just a friggin shame that I made such bad personal life choices to sort of destroy what I've helped build.

University was expected for us- I don't think I was even given any other option. I asked my mom about this the other day- because our family is definitely not elitist about schooling (we're all 1st generation or 2nd generation immigrants)- while 80% have university degrees, a bunch of others have college and/or trades. I asked her why she just expected my sister and I to go to university- and she said it was because she said she knew we could....okay?

Times have changed though.

Last edited by iona6656; 04-17-2019 at 12:49 PM.
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  #52  
Old 04-17-2019, 12:54 PM
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That’s the thing. Her only request was one he agrees to every year with no issue...

They have a sc coming up so either she is doing this as a check mark for that “I share info” or she’s just being petty to show he has no power over info.

Seems like a checkmark situation. I would do exactly the same thing if I had a SC coming up. I'm surprised she isn't being even more cooperative. To be honest, even without a court case coming up, both myself and my ex still regularly send cooperative messages to each other that we know are effectively rhetorical, but make us look good.


"Dear ex, I was thinking we should feed the kids today, do you agree?"




Totally offtopic: I struggled with whether to put "an" or "a" before SC. Depends on whether I pronounce it "settlement conference" or "ess cee". It was the most stress-inducing part of my day up to this point.
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  #53  
Old 04-17-2019, 12:54 PM
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Having had to go back to school (twice—I have three degrees) to get a good job, I know how important it is to know what you want to do and what jobs are in demand. Ive learned the trades is a great field to work in. Robotics for the win! If I had known that, I probably wouldn’t have done what I did but...hindsight!

If I had had kids, I would have contributed but not paid all of it. I firmly believe kids need to learn life lessons. So many parents don’t do their kids any favours by not teaching them about money, savings and good spending.

As for the RESP when divorced, your money is your money. Anything you open now is yours. Get the grant before your ex does. That money will go a long way. This was discussed at the motion in the fall. Anything from the marriage is shared if not bought out or dealt with. Anything after the date of separation is for your share. My partners ex was mostly mad that she didn’t get to know how much money we (yes I said we) had that she could claim should be used for education. Her attitude has always been “you have x dollars and have access to y dollars, therefore it should all go to the kids”. Im not responsible for his kids poor spending habits.
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  #54  
Old 05-14-2019, 10:17 AM
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First some good news. I’m cancer free and can get on with my life. Also, we are getting married in a few weeks and are pretty happy. He’s worried he won’t be a good husband but I assure him neither one of us have good days all the time, its how we manage the bad days that get us through.

Now the stupid news. The sc is now adjourned as ex got a lawyer and they need some time to review the case. Which means we are in our third year of this when it should have been resolved in a month outside of court. We are cautiously optimistic that a lawyer will actually get through to her that her requests are not legal. Time will tell though. A new offer went out.

For now we are going to enjoy our small wedding, the new chapter of our life, a week away somewhere and the knowledge that it may be almost over.
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  #55  
Old 05-14-2019, 10:30 AM
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For now we are going to enjoy our small wedding, the new chapter of our life, a week away somewhere and the knowledge that it may be almost over.
YAY! congratulations. This is all amazing news. Thank you for sharing with us.

Where are you guys headed for your week away??
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  #56  
Old 05-14-2019, 10:38 AM
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Just to the southern US where we first vacationed together. We want to do an all inclusive in December so I am trying to determine which island. Jamaica or Dominican or Cuba. Anyone with tips or suggestions on those are welcome to comment!
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  #57  
Old 05-14-2019, 10:43 AM
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Have you considered Grenada? We have some family friends from there and it's just such a beautiful small island.
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  #58  
Old 05-14-2019, 10:52 AM
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I did look at it but the problem with those types of places is the flight is super expensive and not many have all inclusive. We’ve done two vacations now where we had accommodations but had to find out own meals. We want to go back to an all inclusive where we can just eat sleep and drink lol
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  #59  
Old 05-14-2019, 11:07 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
First some good news. I’m cancer free and can get on with my life. Also, we are getting married in a few weeks and are pretty happy. He’s worried he won’t be a good husband but I assure him neither one of us have good days all the time, its how we manage the bad days that get us through.

Now the stupid news. The sc is now adjourned as ex got a lawyer and they need some time to review the case. Which means we are in our third year of this when it should have been resolved in a month outside of court. We are cautiously optimistic that a lawyer will actually get through to her that her requests are not legal. Time will tell though. A new offer went out.

For now we are going to enjoy our small wedding, the new chapter of our life, a week away somewhere and the knowledge that it may be almost over.


Awesome news!! Congratulations !! Hoping the lawyer sets the ex straight!!


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  #60  
Old 05-14-2019, 11:19 AM
Ange71727 Ange71727 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
First some good news. I’m cancer free and can get on with my life. Also, we are getting married in a few weeks and are pretty happy. He’s worried he won’t be a good husband but I assure him neither one of us have good days all the time, its how we manage the bad days that get us through.

Now the stupid news. The sc is now adjourned as ex got a lawyer and they need some time to review the case. Which means we are in our third year of this when it should have been resolved in a month outside of court. We are cautiously optimistic that a lawyer will actually get through to her that her requests are not legal. Time will tell though. A new offer went out.

For now we are going to enjoy our small wedding, the new chapter of our life, a week away somewhere and the knowledge that it may be almost over.


Awesome news Rockscan! So happy to hear about all the positives for you. Keep your head up - hopefully the legal stuff will be sorted out soon so you can put it behind you.


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