Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 06-07-2019, 09:50 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
She can lie to OCL too. Remember that.

If shes a stay at home mom you need to deal with that angle too. Get her in the workforce immediately. The parenting schedule will work out perfectly that way.
Yes, she certainly can, and if interactions with other professionals is an indicator, she will. However, my interaction to date with CAS has been relatively positive and supportive, and they in fact suggested the OCL as well. I have read several horror stories about them too...that's why I was looking for feedback here.

Regarding her working, I am unclear how I can "get her in the workforce"...I know that a minimum wage can be imputed for alimony calculations.

My lawyer is trying one last time to propose an interim access schedule on consent for a couple nights a week, including joint therapy, and 6 hours on Saturdays on a without prejudice basis. I will keep the notion of rapid progressive increases a priority, Janus. There are a lot of circumstances I have not included regarding my spouses parenting practices that have been noted by various parties. In short, everything is not "fine", even by your definition.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-07-2019, 10:40 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,545
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Janus comes from a place of experience. You don’t have to like what he says but you do need to take it seriously. He knows what he is talking about even if its harsh.

Your ex won a pretty big victory by driving you away. Defending your reasons why is moot so move on and think tactically going forward.

Getting her into the workforce is by having a set date that is short to get her to self sufficiency. More than likely you will be paying spousal. Get her off it sooner rather than later.

Push for 50/50. Start looking at houses in areas near the school. Get your documentation in order. All the things you need to show you are an equal parent.

The judge won’t care about conjecture or what may have happened in the house. Think tactile facts. How many days of school have they missed since you left. How many behavioural issues have the teachers noted and documented etc. You need hard proof.

As for OCL, they take months and your ex can delay. Mom2Two had ocl ordered and her ex claimed a conflict and then refused to communicate with the new one. It has taken her over a year to get to the next conference. Imagine this is you and you have not had a set court ordered schedule for one year. That means status quo.

Even if she agrees to a schedule now doesn’t mean she has to follow through. If she is playing these games now it won’t stop. Offer the schedule and see what happens but go into court with a thought of “I want my kids”.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:18 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default

I am not discounting any advice. I am certainly not an expert in family law, as i assume few are when starting out. I was highlighting that there are a lot of factors at play. Regardless, you are both right, i am not at an ideal starting point.

If not involving the OCL or an independent evaluation, how do i address the false allegations, and refusal of the children?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:31 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,545
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Everyone makes false allegations. Eight years on my husbands ex was still making them and the judge told her he wasn’t even going to acknowledge it. This forum is rife with people suffering false allegations. Ignore it. Focus on the facts:

You agreed on a schedule that she refuses to follow.
You have offered to attend therapy with the children to strengthen your relationship, she refuses to agree.
You want a set schedule that you both adhere to and failing to follow the schedule will result in a change in custody.

Leave emotion out of it. This is the absolute best advice. You hate your ex but you love your kids more.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:33 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-07-2019, 01:24 PM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,108
Janus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by shepherd View Post
I will keep the notion of rapid progressive increases a priority, Janus.

I never said rapid increases. I said make the offer rapidly. Big difference. The progression can take a long time, as long as it is specific and ends at 50%. If she objects, just offer to extend the time.


"Do you think it is too rapid? I would be fine with adding a stage in my proposal, what do you suggest? If I don't hear from you by June 15th I will presume that we will start my proposed schedule on June 25th"


Quote:
There are a lot of circumstances I have not included regarding my spouses parenting practices that have been noted by various parties. In short, everything is not "fine", even by your definition.
Well, if your kid is not attending school and has other major issues, I presume you have called CAS and have that report to back you up. Therefore, no need for OCL! You already have your bulletproof professional endorsement that she is a lousy mom.


If you haven't called CAS, then I would suggest that everything is "fine".
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-07-2019, 04:57 PM
arabian's Avatar
arabian arabian is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 10,657
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

If you have time to spare you could read the many threads by LF32. He spent several years fighting off a spouse who accused him of sexual impropriety with their daughter, moved out one day with the kid without him knowing. He had to fight, bit by bit, for every day of access after not even seeing his daughter for over 6 months. He is now in a 50/50 arrangement. We haven't heard from him in a long time so I have to assume things are going well for him. I'd draw your attention to his restraint from bad-mouthing his ex is any way in any document. I think that helped him. His ex wanted sole custody and had the edge with status quo. He showed he bent over backwards to do whatever it took to increase his access. He made it difficult for any judge to not grant him shared custody IMO.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-07-2019, 06:52 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 474
Mom 2 Two is on a distinguished road
Default

this is good advice. Be as involved as you can be, as you should be. Attend every appointment. Go to school and have your own teacher meetings. If you put action into your words that’s right. Judge will have a hard time saying no. My ex filed for sole custody after 6 years of status quo and SA that he agreed to because he stopped paying S7’s. He has not done one thing differently the entire time.. Never attended appointments or school meetings. Refused to take part in therapy. Ocl recommended he do so as well as three other professionals that met him. That’s a dad that doesn’t deserve a change in custody. But if my ex was an involved dad like the dads on this forum I would be silly to refuse him more time or joint custody if he asked. As the kids would benefit from two involved parents!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-07-2019, 08:09 PM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you, I appreciate your comments. I have spent five years struggling knowing that while I was at work, my kids were not thriving, but was told I was the one who “didn’t understand”. I deferred to keep the peace, despite what my gut told me.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-07-2019, 08:23 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 474
Mom 2 Two is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes we all learn eventually to always listen to our guts!! Many times I ignored mine. And in the end my intuition was always right. Take everyone’s advice. As harsh as it comes across sometimes it’s meant to educate you on what a judge would see.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Help me make a fair access schedule please? representingself Divorce & Family Law 12 08-11-2011 10:48 PM
Police undertaking overrides order for access? formyGirls Divorce & Family Law 8 05-23-2011 03:32 PM
Custody and Access Decision-Making and the Breastfeeding Child: Cavannah v. Johne WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 8 05-03-2011 10:55 AM
Have I given up my rights as a parent? brokendad Common Law Issues 3 11-05-2009 06:57 PM
Case Conference Info tycooke Divorce & Family Law 9 07-12-2006 09:11 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:57 AM.