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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 02-25-2019, 05:46 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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If you can use the proceeds to buy a house, can you simply buy her out and remain there with the kids? (I assume if it is listed in the market you are able to put an offer in). Iím thinking since the youngest is 16 she probably only has a year or two left of high school. Will she go away to post-secondary? Even if the house is slightly stretching your budget you may be able to cope for a couple of years and downsize to something cheaper when high school proximity is no longer an issue. Moving a child or for their last year of high school does not seem like the best interest of the child - it is possible your ex is exaggerating/engaging in catastrophic thinking to (consciously/unconsciously) motivate you to make decisions in her best interests.
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  #12  
Old 02-25-2019, 06:48 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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I tried that option a log time ago... just brought it up to my ex and she had my daughter answer me. Letís put it this way... it wasnít positive. At this point, I canít live in the house. It will be sold and Iíll buy around the area. I can still get my daughter to her hogh school (my parents love in the area). My ex is EXTREMELY selfish in that regard and itís always her way, or the highway. I know Iím in for one hell of a battle. I wish I could be more positive, but Iím up against a demon, I swear.
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  #13  
Old 02-25-2019, 07:10 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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If the house is on the open market you CAN buy it (unless your court order specifically prohibits you, which would be weird). Do not ask your ex for permission, she is your ex for a reason. You canít use reason to argue someone out of a position they didnít use reason to get into. I believe you can put the offer in under a numbered company if you donít want your name attached on the offer documents (check with a real estate lawyer). And maybe donít say you are the purchased until the day after it has closed and you can you move in. I just have the feeling that your daughter would be more inclined to stay ďhomeĒ, than when faced with moving to either of two new homes she will not necessarily choose the neighbourhood over her mother.

I hope when your daughter answered you told her this was a conversation between adults and that she shouldnít be involved. With the help of her councilor I hope you can develop her self-advocacy skills in dealing with her mom.
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  #14  
Old 02-25-2019, 08:18 PM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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Iíve replied to my daughters numerous times that this was between their mother and me, but my ex insist that they communicate and NEED to know... itís their lives (as she likes to state it). I suppose I could buy the house without her knowing, but Iíve already been told: We wonít live with you! I may address this again with them (as itís been over a year), but highly doubt they would. If I bought it out, from underneath my exís feet, theyíd be pissed and retaliate. Itís not worth the fight and too many bad memories in that house to live in it now.
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  #15  
Old 02-25-2019, 08:46 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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What is happening? Your ex is making your children send you her messages?

If yes then your answer to them is: it is unfortunate you have been brought into this, I will speak with your mother directly, please stop involving yourself in this matter.

To your ex: stop involving the girls in this matter it is not only inappropriate but also detrimental to their well being.

You could also remind the kids that for the good of their health, they should not involve themselves. A few ďI am sorry you are being brought into this however it is none of your businessĒ will help too.

You need to set boundaries with both the kids and your ex. Clearly your ex has failed to do so which makes it difficult but you still need to do it. Be assertive when the kids message you and ignore their messages from the ex. You can simply say, your mother may contact me directly.

Have you attempted reunification therapy? You could speak with a therapist that specializes in divorce. Teens (and especially older teens) are more prone to have difficulty in this type of thing. Parents who ďempowerĒ their children to make their own decisions also use emotional blackmail. In a sense they ďletĒ their teens make the decisions but push them to make the decision they want. Its very hard to explain and even more difficult to counter but a good therapist should be able to help.
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  #16  
Old 02-26-2019, 07:56 AM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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Yes, my ex will not communicate with me directly. I don't know why as I've never threatened or been abusive. I had sent some angry emails and texts in the past, but that was A LONG TIME AGO. We communicated after all those, so I have no idea why she's avoiding me. I truly believe that she is purposely avoiding me to delay the sale of the house. She will only communicate through her lawyer and my kids. If it's not hurting my kids, it's costing me money$. This woman is beyond help at this point. I've reminded her that involving the kids needs to stop and it's not healthy and causes many issues (as did the mediator, my lawyer, her lawyer, etc...). She doesn't care. It's learned behavior from her mother and doesn't see an issue with it. My next and last communication regarding all this will be: "If I receive one more piece of paperwork, communication, etc... from the girls I will seek sole custody of my youngest daughter, as you are not in the right frame of mind and continuously hurt them by placing them in the middle. This is not a threat and have enough "documented proof" of this and witnesses that will stand up in court if needed. Please read up on the detrimental damage caused by doing this for your own good and keep the children's best interest in mind". My ex has become their "friend" and that's not what they need. They need a mother! Parent! Someone to set healthy boundaries so they can grow, but not rebel! I've seen a couple of therapist and they've helped me a great deal through this process. Unfortunately, my ex doesn't respect my boundaries (or anyone else's). I will not engage my children anymore when they come to me with anything from their mother. It's not their place and will remind them (again) of that. Thank you all for your guidance and information. Believe me... it's better knowing I'm not alone in this type of fight (as much as it doesn't have to be). It really sucks having a narcissist as an ex wife!
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  #17  
Old 02-26-2019, 08:40 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Well hopefully once the house is sold the communication will be limited. Unfortunately the kids donít understand the unnecessary suffering they are going through because of this.
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  #18  
Old 03-08-2019, 12:33 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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behind in this thread.

sounds typical.

you should file an application with the court without delay.

look into alienation

fire your lawyer if he says a 16 year old can decide. a childs wishes is only one of many factors. if any indication its influence by mom, it will be tossed out of court.

Also look into family bridges program.

re integration therapy

re unification therapy

sort of sucks that when a mom comes on here about some dumb section 7 expense everyone is over it. dad comes with severe alienation... good luck to ya dad!!

File an application without delay.

time is of essence

Last edited by tunnelight; 03-08-2019 at 12:38 AM.
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  #19  
Old 03-08-2019, 07:05 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tunnelight View Post
behind in this thread.

sounds typical.

you should file an application with the court without delay.

look into alienation

fire your lawyer if he says a 16 year old can decide. a childs wishes is only one of many factors. if any indication its influence by mom, it will be tossed out of court.

Also look into family bridges program.

re integration therapy

re unification therapy

sort of sucks that when a mom comes on here about some dumb section 7 expense everyone is over it. dad comes with severe alienation... good luck to ya dad!!

File an application without delay.

time is of essence


Actually a judge WILL consider the childs wishes and by the time this works its way through, the kid will be older. This is a complete waste of money.
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  #20  
Old 03-08-2019, 09:48 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Actually a judge WILL consider the childs wishes and by the time this works its way through, the kid will be older. This is a complete waste of money.
So moms should just alienate children when they turn 16 and dad should surrender and do nothing?

I would be filing contempt proceedings. Mom is to ensure child goes to sees dad as she is to ensure child goes to school.

If my ex ever influences child to not see me, she can be sure to be served with motion papers within days.


Now, what if dad was influencing child and child didn't want to see mom? Mom should do nothing?

I believe what you are saying is that this will take 2 years and child will be 18 and no longer children of marriage , though I gauraantee you that mom will still be seeking "child" support

Last edited by tunnelight; 03-08-2019 at 10:06 AM.
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