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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 06-18-2019, 04:22 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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This is more of a complaint than anything, but an annoying/anxiety causing issue nonetheless.

My daughter lives primarily with us, my partner’s daughter lives primarily with his ex. Our kids are very close, have spent time together pretty much every week for the past 3 years, play with all the same kids in the neighbourhood when they are both at our house, and are only 2 years apart. Their birthdays are also a week apart from each other.

My daughter really wants a big beach party this year. Her birthday falls on a weekday. My partner’s daughter’s birthday falls on our weekend with her. There is no special clause in their court order for birthday access. We asked her the other day if she would like to go somewhere/do something special or if she would prefer to have a big beach party with my daughter. She excitedly chose the big party, so we have decided to do a big joint party for them on the weekend she is with us. We will invite the neighbours kids and will be letting them invite a couple friends each from school as well.

Easy enough, right? Nope. I am already anticipating the problems my partner’s ex is going to cause over this.

I want to ask my partner’s ex if I can drop off the invitations so they can get out to step-daughter’s school friends before the school year is over, but I am dreading the response we are going to get.

She likes to be the one in control and I just know us planning a birthday party for their daughter- even though it is during my partner’s time- is going to set her right off. And we might as well just forget about it if she catches wind that it is a joint party with my daughter. “My daughter doesn’t need to share the spotlight with HER daughter” or something along those lines will be the response. Then she will begin to tell their daughter about some other, much better, grand massive thing that she has planned on that exact day and will make her call her dad and tell him that she has changed her mind and won’t be coming.

Ugh. Anyone else have an ex like this to deal with? How do you cope?
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Old 06-19-2019, 06:31 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is online now
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Is your SD old enough to decide she isnt coming?

Could you just give the invites to the Step daughter and have her hand them to her friends? She knows about Party.. she can take her own invites and give to her friends I would think?

I get your frustration. My ex doesnt even answer email requests even second requests. Such as will you be taking our son to his soccer pictures even if the answer was no... fine an answer is nice.. I get your frustration except your is not with the same person.

Hope it works out.


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Old 06-19-2019, 08:36 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Assuming that it is your (partner's) parenting time on a given day, then it is your parenting time. If the biomom is foolish enough to schedule a party on the same day that would be her fault. Stepdaughter is old enough to understand that biomom would be a moron to schedule the party on her day with Dad.

I would not rely on biomom to distribute invitations. Bring them to the school yourself (or your partner can bring the invitations himself). Or, assuming biomom won't steal the invitations, do as M2T said and let the kid be responsible for the invitations.

It is usually best to assume the following:
1) Compliance with the separation agreement (to the letter of the agreement at least, possibly not the spirit)
2) Non-compliance with everything else

You can safely assume you will have stepdaughter on the day you are supposed to have her. You can also safely assume that biomom won't help with the invitations. Plan and react accordingly.
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Old 06-19-2019, 08:59 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
...I would not rely on biomom to distribute invitations. Bring them to the school yourself (or your partner can bring the invitations himself). Or, assuming biomom won't steal the invitations, do as M2T said and let the kid be responsible for the invitations...

Agreed. I would not rely on bio-mom either, for this.

It doesn't sound like your step daughter is too young to handle this, so just have her bring some invites to school with her, or you could also send out "invites" digitally, on social media to select people, if needed.


In separated families, or where the kid has multiple households, multiple birthday events/occasions, is going to be the norm, so bio-mom should get used to it.
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