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Spousal Support - Why It Matters

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  • #61
    Originally posted by geena View Post
    I am hoping to get feed back on how to respond to his lawyer with a counter offer and the last thread a out the slope of decreasing seems to be a good place to start. With a resolution with an end. Thank you for your input.
    I would respond to the lawyer as such... 1200 until the time the child turns 18 or finishes schooling. Given the duration of your marriage, if you were to receive ss it would not be for very long anyway. Or, you can continue to not bargain and it ends up at trial.

    You really don't know how "lucky" you are. Lucky people appreciate what they have and don't try and push it. There is much about the family court is not fair. So just because a judge ordered your husband to provide you with x amount, doesn't mean its fair or right.

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    • #62
      Originally posted by Divorcemanagement View Post





      We decided to do some math based on a $10.00/hour day and 40 hours/week that a child care provider in a daycare might be earning. Roughly $19,200/year X 15 years that she was home with the kids= $288,000 compared to the $80,000 that he was offering to her. So in effect, he was offering her roughly $5333 for each year that she worked or $2.77/hour.

      I have heard every argument against spousal support - and save for short term marriages, it is a necessity for parents who stayed home and lost out on opportunities they would otherwise have received. It's not enough to argue that you never agreed that they should stay home - that they stayed home implies that it was consentual and as such, spousal support should be paid.

      I would be interested in hearing from people who are receiving spousal support before the spousal support guidelines came out as to whether they think the guidelines are helpful or harmful - I have heard they are undervaluing mom's contribution from many women.

      Thoughts?
      While I'll give some flexibility to my point based on the fact that this marriage may have begun in an era where the "traditional marriage" actually still existed.
      That said; How the heck can you calculate her potential wages and seriously believe this number is something that should now be paid to her post relationship? Where does that thought process come from? In the marriage they both contributed to the family unit, assets and debts. In the end they should divide the fruits of their combined labour and be done with it.
      To clarify , why didn't you compare her $288,000 contribution to his income over the same timeframe? then, deduct her contribution from his, and have her pay him the difference? After all, at the time of divorce, I expect the assets and debts are divided equally. So if she contributed your $288,000 what was his contribution number??

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by R.E.Married2 View Post
        I feel choked up reading this entry. After 17 years of marriage, the last year both of us struggling, in counselling etc. my husband reconnected with an old flame & we were done. I had been a stay-at-home mom. had given up two permanent jobs early in our marriage as it wasnt' working for both of us to work & was very stressful on my husband. I was, however, happy to be at home and always had jobs on the side to make extra money - fitness instructor, supply teacher, swimming instructor, selling exercise clothes - stuff like that. To this day I am still trying to rationalize to myself why I need spousal support. Long story short, at 42 I had 5 job interviews, was turned down, decided to go back to school, moved away to do so, ex-husband lost job, gave up support while he was unemployed, he remarried, I remarried and now he says he's not going to pay anymore. My combined income with my new husband is HALF of what my ex made just on unemployment. He has a new higher paying job. I'm still only asking for 10% of his former gross income per year as spousal support. He pays child support & helps our son with college loan payments, but he doesnt' get it why he needs to pay spousal support & I suppose he never will. My problem is not wanting to stir things up - our relationship is good - between new spouses, with kids. I feel stuck - can't continue schooling, therefore higher paying job not going to happen, therefore income no increasing therefore need support etc. etc. etc. I need some suggestions/support in this.

        Although my heart truly does go go out to you, and I do not envy your circumstances. I want to share my view on this, I think you should consider all the contributions made by the two of you in your relationship. It was for a common good right? He worked you looked after the kids, a true partnership. It is a great arrangement when it works and the marriage lasts. The kids benefit greatly. You did saccrifice yourself for them, and him, and that is admirable. However, the contributions you made, combined with his resulted in whatever assets you had at the end of your relationship. When that was divided you got your share of those contributions. I don't think spousal support should even exist, even in your case. I am sorry, I dont mean to sound cruel and unfeeling of your circumstance. It just doesn't make any sense.
        I wish women would consider this when they give up their careers, or job opportunities and buy into that whole idea of the "traditional marriage". They should be committed to themselves, their education, and their marriage simutaneously. The role of the SAHP is valuable and important for children, but not absolutely necessay. It is a career choice that does not present many job opportunities post divorce, but your chosen career should not be blamed on your spouse, Nor should he have to continue to pay for it.

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        • #64
          alreadydid3- You sound like an angel. You are a very giving person and I think that has contributed in some ways to your plight. Always, be proud of yourself for being the person you are. However, there are too many people out there that are willing to take advantage of good people like you, you need to be very careful. While i do not personally believe in Spousal Support. I DO believe in Child Support. These men should be held accountable for walking away from their children and their financial responsibilities.
          BTW.... in your future relationships.... dont settle for anything less than butterflies. EVERYONE deserves butterflies!!!

          Comment


          • #65
            Geena: you were awarded SS after a justice reviewed your situation. You have already proven entitlement.

            Keep in mind that if/when you hire a lawyer for this matter, any money you spend on legal fees to DEFEND your support is 100% tax deductible. IF you want to reduce the amount owing on next year's taxes I'd recommending borrowing some money and paying it to a law firm before the end of this year. So come next April you can pay thousands less to CRA if you pay that money to your lawyer. You can also negotiate a repayment of taxes with CRA.

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            • #66
              lol...is Soonfree bumping every old SS thread to rage at the perceived injustice of it all?

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              • #67
                He very well may be. He's obviously trying desperately to round up a posse (sp?).

                Desperate people do desperate things I guess.

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                • #68
                  FYI...It may be shocking to you 2 but SOONFREE is Female.....

                  Some of us here can and are responsible adults!

                  Some of us can take care of ourselves.....not like others who expect their exes to pay for pets that they choose to keep!

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                  • #69
                    No surprise, soonfree is perhaps a g/f or new spouse of someone who has to pay spousal support.

                    I wonder if we'll hear from her, years from now, with a different username of course, crying and sobbing that her new "Mr Wonderful" screwed her. Happens frequently.


                    Regarding your last sentence, I didn't EXPECT my ex to pay for all of my cat's vet bills and euthanasia. I merely was DISAPPOINTED he didn't offer to CONTRIBUTE to the cost.

                    If you want to take a shot at me good_mom - get your fucking facts straight.

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                    • #70
                      Right from your post....

                      Throughout our divorce my ex and I communicated about the cat via email. When she became ill in the Spring, about the time when my ex (who makes plenty of money) abruptly quit paying SS, I asked him about giving me money for vet bills and eventual euthanasia when the time came. He refused.


                      I think it you that has to get your post stright!






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                      • #71
                        YOUR interpretation of my post is that I expected he pay all of the vet bills certainly NOT MINE. If I expected him to pay 100% the bills I would have had the clinic bill him.

                        What is your problem anyhow?

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                        • #72
                          Originally posted by good_mom View Post
                          Right from your post....

                          Throughout our divorce my ex and I communicated about the cat via email. When she became ill in the Spring, about the time when my ex (who makes plenty of money) abruptly quit paying SS, I asked him about giving me money for vet bills and eventual euthanasia when the time came. He refused.


                          I think it you that has to get your post stright!






                          If you wish to respond to that post, please do so in that thread rather than hijacking this one.

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                          • #73
                            Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                            lol...is Soonfree bumping every old SS thread to rage at the perceived injustice of it all?
                            Is this about the post?

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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              He very well may be. He's obviously trying desperately to round up a posse (sp?).

                              Desperate people do desperate things I guess.

                              How about this one?

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                              • #75
                                If you are going to dish it out expect it back! That the point!

                                I will respond to the appropriate post...Pursuinghappiness

                                And...I expect to be banned of posting soon!

                                Comment

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