Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Older son asks if he is allowed to attend court appearances

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Older son asks if he is allowed to attend court appearances

    So straight forward a question which I admit caught me off guard, "When you go to your court with mom am I allowed to be there to watch?"

    My first response was honest, "They are public so anyone can sit in on any hearing unless a judge says no." Right after I suggested that he was free to do as he wished but at the same time it is obvious that your mom and I have very different opinions on things and perhaps it would be better left between your mom and I.

    So my question is when there are older children, what was your experience? I have nothing to hide, but I also do not think the kids should sit in on the proceedings between thier parents....

  • #2
    My son is 31 and offered to come to court with me. I declined. Sometimes I secretly wished he had been there as my ex was always there with his g/f and it always felt like a 2 against 1 situation. Elevator rides were particularly uncomfortable at first.

    Looking back now I'm glad I attended court alone. My son already has a very poor opinion of his father and had he seen and heard all of the terrible things my ex said about me he would have been more upset.

    Your divorce and any child raising issues are matters between you and your ex. I have been to court many times and have never seen children in the courtroom. I think a judge would think poorly of you if you were to allow your children to attend. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who is sitting with who in those courtrooms.

    Comment


    • #3
      I know when I was 17 I went to court, my father was fighting my mother on paying child support. I went to support my mother, I didn't give her much of a choice. My mother was terrified of my father. I would never, ever admit this to my mother,but it was one of the saddest, hardest experiences I ever had to deal with.

      Comment


      • #4
        go with what you think is right and you already said you dont want your child there. You have medical issues and do you need the stress knowing that your child is there listening to their parents fight it out?? You may not have anything to hide but I am a firm believer that parents shouldnt fight in front of their kids, doesnt matter if its at home or in court.

        Comment


        • #5
          thanks for the replies... I know this will be one thing after another as this goes on. As mentioned here, I know I thought of the courtroom size as well - hard to not sit in front - sorry behind one parent or the other (the one room I have been in only had a few metal folding chairs on the back wall right behind us). What I did say to him was by going there, it was "putting him in the position" to make choices, that otherwise he shouldn't need to make, which could only lead to leaning towards one parent or the other.

          Comment


          • #6
            3 years ago our oldest son was 19 when my ex brought him to court. It was for a conference that had to do with the sale of our house that she was no longer living in. Not sure why she wanted him there but she brought him into the court room. It was a very small court room and the judge asked who he was. When he found out that he was our son the judge asked who invited him and then laid into my ex for doing it. The judge was not impressed.

            Two weeks ago, the ex tried to do it again with our two youngest kids (13 & 14)....different judge, same result. Admonished and told in no uncertain terms to never try this again.

            I would not bring your kids to court. I would not discuss what goes on with your kids. Don't bring them into your's and your ex's issues.

            It may not be easy but it will be better for them in the long run.

            Comment


            • #7
              How old is the kid?

              Comment


              • #8
                He is a very mature 22 year old (between his sisters). He has been the quiet one through all this - did his own thing, the way it should be although I am aware that my ex has gotten him envolved with her divorce prep but that is her mistake, not his.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Is it possible he is trying to decide whom to side with, and cannot make up his mind? Maybe he is feeling pressure from both sides competing for his allegiance. It might be a good idea to have frank discussion with him, as an adult ... along the lines of enjoying the company of each parent 'in the moment', on their own merits, and that he might have to actively push away any attempt to discuss 'the other'. Explicitly say that you want him to enjoy time with his mother. Suggest that he may have to set his own boundaries on permitted topics of discussion with each parent, so that he can enjoy both relationships to their fullest. Put him in the driver's seat. But definitely discourage him from attending.

                  My 2c at psychology.
                  Last edited by dinkyface; 10-31-2012, 01:19 AM.

                  Comment

                  Our Divorce Forums
                  Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                  Working...
                  X