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  • Need some advice.

    Well I recieved a call from my lawyer's secretary yesterday saying that she had recieved a call from my husbands lawyer wanted to set a date for my husband and I and our legal reps to meet for "questioning". She hadn't talked to them yet so it took me a day to figure out what that was all about. I extended an e-mail olive branch to 'HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED" about 10 days a go and what I got back(sent through our son) was very ugly. So I tried again, remaining civil (very difficult to do) and again asking if he could put aside his anger and could we investigate "mediation" vs. "litigation" because of the costs. Last night the light bulb when on and I BELIEVE this is his interpretation, that we meet with our lawyers proir to the settlement hearing.
    Here's the problem. Isn't meeting with the lawyers back to "litigation"? He is so angry and I have been trying to figure out some way of sorting this out without going to trial. He has been unbudging but the main issue with him has been money (he took evey red cent we had) and is trying to get sole custody of the children even though I know in my heart it's back to a money issure with him so he won't have to pay anything. (I won't drag everybody through the details again.) Somewhere along the line my lawyer proposed "I get the house..posessionss etc." this was stupid of me to agree to it was only throwing gas on the flames. The only thing I can think of proposing is this.

    We sell the house (even though the shop attached is my sole means of income...HAH we're running an average of 10 grand a year in the hole..new business etc. etc....sorry I digress) the whole kit and kaboodle and he gets half. (And yes I'm scared sick about the whole thing however) the point I would stand firm on is that I get sole custody of the children..I'll sign whatever he wants allowing him free access. (I've never denied him that, I've even changed doctors appointments to accomodated him) But the kids have lived with me since this whole thing and I have always been the primary caregiver. "He who must not be named" has an anger managment control problem but the only way I can prove that is to go to trial and I'm trying to avoid that. But I do not want him to have custody of the kids, I do not think he represents a danger to them "at this point" but I wouldn't swear to that on a stack of bibles (mind you they are not babies anymore..daughter 15 son is 12) so I'm hanging on to the kids.

    Whatdoyouthink? Am I being an idiot?

  • #2
    HowdIgethere,

    Sound like "questions" they mean "discoveries":

    An examination for discovery is part of the court process which occurs in every litigation that reaches a certain stage. It is an opportunity for the other side, often your spouse's lawyer, to examine you under oath in the presence of your lawyer but not a judge. Everything you say is being taken down and recorded by a reporter. This allows the other side the opportunity to get information, test how good a witness you would be at trial, and generally get a more solid feel for the case. Your lawyer of course would have the opportunity to examine for discovery your spouse. This is one of the main ways of getting information about your spouse, spouse's finances and any other information that is important to your case. This can cover issues of custody and access.

    Sounds like your ex is determined to keep this in the courts.

    Comment


    • #3
      Sounds like you have had a rough ride all round, I certainly feel for you, I am trying to gain insight as to why one parent or another tires to gain sole custody of thier children when very often we know the other parent will care for them, (obviously we often feel we can do a better job caring for our children than the other parent) but this to me is not reason enough to deny our children equal access. I know I would certainly prefer sole custody of my two children but this to me does not seem fair to the children, which is why we share custody in my own situation. perhaps you could help me out with this.

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      • #4
        howdIgethere,

        from what you mentioned in your thread,

        I suspect that you may have a good chance at succeeding in your quest for sole custody due mainly to the fact that you were the primary caregiver and the children are residing with you now. I can't see the courts changing that at this point in time unless you were proven to be an unfit parent etc.

        Additionally, your children are older and I would think that the courts would give weight to the views of the children. Courts generally will not separate siblings either.

        The courts may order an impasse and order a shared custody arrangement as an alternative.

        Everything will turn on the facts of the case.

        If you are concerned about his anger, you may want to bring this up, especially if your ex is one to coerce you or to be overbearing or a control freak so to say.

        Comment


        • #5
          logicalvelocity/today

          Thankyou for responding to me......today.....the only reason I want sole custody is to protect my children, (well truley that's not the only reason..they are my world) I do not trust my spouce because of his past (18 yrs) behaviour....he has physcaly hurt our son before school age many times (he could have broken our son's back when he was just turned three)....can't remember him (and beleive me I would) "hurting" Kendra as he did Evan..........our boy was reduced to tears at least once a week doing "homework' with Gestopo (?) Daddy even up to last year (he's 12) and that is a buch of "controller" garbage...right now he is "Disney Dad" without primary custody...I would it remain so.

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          • #6
            You know when you shine light on the darkness, it flees.

            Documenting as many of these 'incidents' and bringing forth before the courts is like shining the light on darkness ... it is seen for what it really is and it flees.

            Hubby

            Comment

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