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6 months of no visits.

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  • #16
    Sorry I will be more specific. At Christmas he had 3 night visit with Dad. Child seem to,handle it quite well. So the plan was more visits with overnights graduating from 3 for a couple of the visits and then 4 and so on by the summer the hope was that child would be able to enjoy a week at a time.

    But then Dad has decided he will not visit at all and will not arrange for Mom to travel with child to his area. He just ignored the whole topic of visits then suddenly after 3 months announced it was time for child to live with him and he would arrive the following week to take child back to his city for " roughly a month". He had moved and had not disclosed this fact or his new address. She found out when a friend who was looking at houses in his area went to an open house and it was his and it was empty.

    He was purchasing a one way ticket for the child and instructed the Mom to " drop off child at airport" as he had a tight turnaround planned. So really that was not a viable option nor well thought out for the child. So she disagreed and lawyers letters ensued discussing the legal interpretation of the agreement.

    So then he stated he would only come to take the child back with him and he would determine when he would tell her she could come,and get the child. Now its been close to 6 months and he has emailed again his intention. To come to pick up his son.

    She maintains its too long an absence and he needs to build some father son connection. So we are back to step 1 which was graduating from 2 to 3 overnights. You have to start somewhere.

    And child support has never been connected to access by her. You mentioned she should be asking for the child support to be refunded if he was not using it and I stated well he has not paid much of CS support so it was hardly u likely he would follow any additional CS orders. We live with the inept workings of FRO who kindly allow him to do his best lol. Tough to buy new houses, vacations and smoke heavily when you have CS to pay!
    Last edited by Beachnana; 06-08-2014, 11:01 PM. Reason: Spelling!

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    • #17
      Update on the situation.

      As I have read some of the other threads where parents are fighting to get any parenting time and then read about the parents who deal with ex's who keep messing around with the terms of the SA, calling children during visits, causes arguments at pick and drop of meets I wonder when our lives will return to normal.

      Its now 8 months. Skype has been regularly at least once a week, usually initiated by Mom. She has Skype chats during Dads vacations at different locations. She has Skype at the new house, she has even had Skype at Friends party etc etc. Sometimes short, sometimes quite long chats.

      Never any mention of coming to visit, never any mention of asking Mom to bring child down to visit. Always slipping in tidbits of his latest acquisitions or in different locales around the house so Mom can get a sense of how " big it is! Lol

      3 months ago she found a mediator through the court system and invited Dad to mediation so they could sit face to face with a qualified child focused mediator and plan the next years parenting schedule and then draft how the schedule would be once child enters school, which is next September. She did the intake session and apparently he did. Then he told the mediator he would get back to him regarding setting up the mediation once he had taken care of some personal things.

      Skype went on as usual, although there was a 3 week period where she heard nothing from him until last week which 3 months after he told the mediator her would get back to him.

      Last week out of the blue an email came with another Olive Branch message of moving forward and a proposal of visits. All of course centred around child going to Dads new home with his new family. Suggestion was that Mom drive 7 hours and meet at a roadside coffee shop and transfer son. Then a week later drive back and pick him up. Interesting that nothing was mentioned about the now over $4500 unspent travel money garnished from CS nor the $4000 unpaid daycare fees which Mom shoulders alone. Also no mention that his NOA he finally sent through his lawyer showed he has a large increase in income and should have been paying more CS than he actually does.

      There are several other visits outlined, all at least 3 months apart. All focused on holiday times, so Thanksgiving, Christmas, March Break and Summer. No intent to come to where child now resides. Certainly done in a cost effective manner for Dad. He had visits last year at Christmas and had March break but did not show up. Although as the child is not in school cannot understand why March Break is so important unless its so GF children can be there as well and they are planning a trip to Disney!

      So what the question is. Given the distance, given the 8 month absence from actual physical contact with child, given the age of the child 2 3/4 what is the best child focused parenting plan.

      Neither party can move their employment, so no point in starting with that. I did some research and WestJet have a guardian fare program, which gives 50% of airfare for travelling parent so that would help a lot.

      Mom wants to ensure Son is comfortable with visits away from his home and wants to respond with a clear plan of graduating visits. How many would you think she needs to have and for how long. We had read that you use the age of the child to base the number of overnights so 2 3/4 old would mean 2-3 overnights. But surely he would need to just do some day visits first. And would the visit not have to be fairly close together at first to ensure child remembers he goes off with Dad and then comes home to Mom.

      Opinions welcomed, as we meet with the mediator and want to have a sound unbiased point of view of what is right for the child.

      I wont take anything personally!

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      • #18
        The only thing I can say is this is brutal. My partner would give his right arm to have a partner willing to share visits. Hell he got an email from his oldest today an is flying with happiness. Im having a really hard time understanding why people are so awful this week. I hope someone on here can give you something more helpful than my simple wish of luck. Your daughter is lucky to have a very supportive mother through all this.

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        • #19
          if I remember correctly the father has reduced CS due to the high travel costs? If so then why should the mother meet him anywhere?

          If he likes to brag about stuff that costs $$$ then the airfare shouldn't be an issue for him.

          I believe the father should make an effort to reconnect with the child after 8 months (Skype cannot replace being there) before the child is allowed to travel that distance and stay for an extended time at the fathers.

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          • #20
            Well yes we agree, but the question is how to word a parenting plan that incorporates some gradual reintroduction of child being away from Mom for periods of time.

            I should point out that child is a now confident little boy who has spent up to 3 nights away from Mom at my home, which is of course very familiar to him. Her work requires overnight absents on occasion and she has had a couple of short weekend aways with girlfriends. So we feel it could be an easy transition but it needs to be a graduated transition. She wants the first visits to be here where child lives and is familiar with parks etc. She also wants to establish more frequent visits as she believes this is better for son.

            Its how you put this into words, which will not end up unenforceable as the vague SA that she currently tries to function under.

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