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  • I always seem to lose

    Got myself into another conundrum. Not intentionally of course. My ex's partner is on probation for slashing my tires. He's required to be more than 50meters from me at any time. So couple times now when I drop off the kids at there house, he just happens to be hanging out in the driveway. There was also another time where he mouthed "f you" to me through a window at pickup. So I called probation and parole and talked to an officer. She said right away "oh ya. He clearly pushing his limits. I'm going to call and warn him". I said "ok. I know this won't end so well but I guess this needs to be done". So, of course my ex and him super pissed at me. Now not letting me even come near their house. I've already started missing some of my access time. My ex wants someone else to come pickup kids but she lives way out in country. Now I got a call back from probation officer who supervised his case. She telling me now that it's not as cut and dry. He is on his own property etc. so now I have conflicting stories about whether this is ok or not and I'm missing time with my kids without any solution to this problem. I have 1 person willing to drive but won't be able to do it all the time and will be many times they'll be late. I've filed in court already but I'm feeling now that I'm just going to lose this. Once again.

  • #2
    he is on his own property, not coming to yours. You are taunting him by coming to his property the way you are. He and your ex have every right to ask you not to come to their property. You will need someone else to pick the kids up.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
      he is on his own property, not coming to yours. You are taunting him by coming to his property the way you are. He and your ex have every right to ask you not to come to their property. You will need someone else to pick the kids up.
      Arrange for a formal drop off centre or police station. Both sides need to agree of course, which sounds like that won't happen, so I'd start working on getting details like this into an order.


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      • #4
        Oh trust me. I've tried to talk to her about different pickup/drop off locations. It's no to anything I suggest. And getting someone else to drive all the time is out of the question. It's nearly 40min one-way trip and I do that up to 3x a week. I've been solely doing this drive for nearly 6yrs. Always at the exact same times as set in court order. I never go onto their property. Never get out of car. I'm there less than 2min. How exactly am I taunting him/them?
        How can someone say pickup is only at my house, refuse to walk or drive kids anywhere.
        But tell me they have to be picked up there. But i can't go.
        Have to send someone else.
        Knowing I live alone. No family I can ask.
        And would take someone 3 hours driving on every weekday.
        Who can I ask?
        Pay a cab $80 each way every time??
        It's insane

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        • #5
          Mom's boyfriend is allowed to be on his own driveway, and he's allowed to make rude gestures out the window of his house. It's really juvenile and annoying behavior, but it's not illegal or a parole issue. As long as you stay off his property, and he stays 50 meters from you, you're both doing what you are required to do. It would be good if you could find someone else to do pickups and dropoffs at least some of the time, but if not, you'll have to just grow a very thick skin and find some way of distracting yourself from his antics.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Itsabouttime View Post
            Oh trust me. I've tried to talk to her about different pickup/drop off locations. It's no to anything I suggest. And getting someone else to drive all the time is out of the question. It's nearly 40min one-way trip and I do that up to 3x a week. I've been solely doing this drive for nearly 6yrs. Always at the exact same times as set in court order. I never go onto their property. Never get out of car. I'm there less than 2min. How exactly am I taunting him/them?
            How can someone say pickup is only at my house, refuse to walk or drive kids anywhere.
            But tell me they have to be picked up there. But i can't go.
            Have to send someone else.
            Knowing I live alone. No family I can ask.
            And would take someone 3 hours driving on every weekday.
            Who can I ask?
            Pay a cab $80 each way every time??
            It's insane
            There are people in here very knowledgeable about the process. A motion to get your order changed to detail drop off and pick up, especially when there are restraining orders in place, shouldn't be that difficult.

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            • #7
              Arrange to pick them up down the street from the house. Obviously he wont be able to be there, and you wont need someone to pick them up.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by stripes View Post
                Mom's boyfriend is allowed to be on his own driveway, and he's allowed to make rude gestures out the window of his house. It's really juvenile and annoying behavior, but it's not illegal or a parole issue. As long as you stay off his property, and he stays 50 meters from you, you're both doing what you are required to do. It would be good if you could find someone else to do pickups and dropoffs at least some of the time, but if not, you'll have to just grow a very thick skin and find some way of distracting yourself from his antics.
                But even with me at the end of the driveway, off their property, he's less than 50 meters away from me. Oh also there's a no contact part in his probation. So 'technically' he shouldn't be gesturing through the window. Right?

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                • #9
                  You are actually the one breaking the no contact order. That is his house and he has every right to be there. You can't tell him he has to leave his own house. Honestly calling his probation officer over him giving you the finger or whatever was childish and created this situation. Yes he slashed your tires and is obviously paying the price for that but he was on his own property and you tattled on him.

                  Maybe apologize and request pick ups remain at the end of the driveway and show up. Mom can't unilaterally change he agreement


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                  • #10
                    This is lame.... Kick his ass and spit on his face... Be an example for your kids.

                    I suggest you do not DO ANY extra work... why should a person who has gotten protection from another be obligated to accomodate them. Your ex has to be the one to accomodate you not the other way around and not 50/50.

                    Also the whole tattle taling this is ULTRA lame... pure beta.

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                    • #11
                      Are your children in school? Arrange to pick them up at school and drop off at school. No one has to see anyone else.

                      Why would you want to drop them at home if there are probation/restrictions? You're putting yourself at risk. Remove the risk. This much tension can't be healthy for your kids.

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                      • #12
                        The whole tattle taling thing. The thing is, I pretty much live every day in fear. This guy is totally insane. He headbutt me in the face. He's threatened me. Keyed my car. The latest was the tire slashing which actually put my kids safety in jeopardy as I didn't actually know my tires were slashed as air leaked out really slowly and was highway driving with my kids in the car. I have a dash camera and likely will be getting home security camera. Why should I have to live my life this way because I want to see my kids. I've done everything by the book. Never done 1 single thing wrong.
                        Also, my kids don't like him and know there's conflict. It makes them extremely nervous when he's outside and I'm there. At my kids xmas concert he kept walking in front of my camera when I was trying to take a video of them. My kids saw and it made them upset and really sad.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by WorkingMom2007 View Post
                          Are your children in school? Arrange to pick them up at school and drop off at school. No one has to see anyone else.

                          Why would you want to drop them at home if there are probation/restrictions? You're putting yourself at risk. Remove the risk. This much tension can't be healthy for your kids.
                          I asked their mom. She refuses to negotiate any other pickup/dropoff location. My kids walk to and from school alone. She won't even let me pick them up just down the street. It's not my 'choice' or decision to pickup kids at her place it's just always been that way. She doesn't drive so there really aren't a lot of options.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                            This is lame.... Kick his ass and spit on his face... Be an example for your kids.
                            Ummmm..... [emoji16]


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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Itsabouttime View Post
                              But even with me at the end of the driveway, off their property, he's less than 50 meters away from me. Oh also there's a no contact part in his probation. So 'technically' he shouldn't be gesturing through the window. Right?
                              ffs stop being childish. He is on his property, he can gesturing out his window if he wants. Even if he is less the 50 meters away from you when you are parked on the street that doesn't matter, he is still on his property. You are the one coming within the distance not him.

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