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  • My lawyer wants to propose status quo

    Which means I would be primary caregiver for ghe child. He sent me a copy of proposal settlement that I view and 'edit' if needed. Also my lawyer wants assets to be shared, which includes only furniture and other households, which my wife took with her 11 months ago and she has got rid of it.

    Now, my main goal is shared custody. If I ask for full custody my wife will DEFINETELY refuse it and this will turn into a contested divorce. She could even file for interim order.Also I don't care about assets. Fighting for a few things not worth that much is not worth jeopardising child agreement.

    So I plan to edit the proposal by removing status quo mentioning. But will put 50/50 instead of 57/43 as I offered earlier. Will remove assets because they are not worth much and money can buy furniture. EVEN THOUGH MY WIFE CAME WITH THE POLICE BECAUSE AND LIED TO POLICE THAT I MAY DAMAGE IT. THE POLICE TOOK PHOTOS OF HOUSEHOLDS. But I didn't know my rights to tell the police only judge will decide what belongs to whom. But she didn't think I would damage it she thought I would take it and lied it is all hers.

    Anyway that was 11 months ago and I really dont care about the assets.

    So do you guys agree that I should drop the assets and mentioning status quo for the sake of possible shared custody agreement? If she refuses shared custody then I will fight for every spoon and fork, file for retroactive CS and even possibly sue her for bringing the police and lying I may damage the furniture and had themto take photos of OUR stuff. (if possible)

  • #2
    I'm so sorry you are going though all this. I am going though it all myself but my ex has all the assets either at his parents house or at the house that we shared and I have no way of getting in. I do have the most important thing I have the children but it would be nice to have the childrens belongs like crib, toys and furniture they owned before we moved in together.

    Are things getting easier for you now 11 months later?

    Comment


    • #3
      What is your lawyer proposing with regards to custody? Joint or sole? It would seem odd if he is proposing the time split, but not the actual custody.

      Comment


      • #4
        Lawyer

        Go to court

        Division of Assets will take care of the asset issues

        If you have custody of the child she owes you child support

        One of you owes spousal support

        Is your lawyer a family law specialist???

        If not, get one that knows what they are doing - a difficult task all in itself unfortunately...educate yourself so that the lawyers cannot hoodwink you while they help themselves to your cash

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by midnightvampyr View Post
          Go to court

          Division of Assets will take care of the asset issues

          If you have custody of the child she owes you child support

          One of you owes spousal support

          Is your lawyer a family law specialist???

          If not, get one that knows what they are doing - a difficult task all in itself unfortunately...educate yourself so that the lawyers cannot hoodwink you while they help themselves to your cash
          Well my lawyer was appointed to me by legal aid. she said 50% of her work is family law. I don't want any assets. I want my lawyer to work out child support.

          Also I have edited my lawyer's proposal and sent it back to her. I never asked for full custody and she put that because she thinks it is the best thing.

          I just wrote to my lawyer specifically what I want and what I don't want. I said 50/50 shared custody. I removed the mentioning of CCTB that my wife was receiving while I was solely paying everything for the child because I don't want anything that will make my wife think that I feel as in command.

          My wife (unless she is lying and we will see soon) said she wants shared custody and everything else will be worked out.

          So if my lawyer insists on something that I don't like, I will fire her.

          It may be better to put cards on the table and show my wife her disadvantages but also that may trigger her to change her mind and fight, so unless she accepts this proposal, my next proposal will be DETAILED. Then I will write how much money she received from CCTB ($8000) and will try to get that money from her, will file for retroactive child support, will share assets 50/50 and so on. But if she accepts this more than fair proposal, then it will all be good.

          But yea, I won't let my lawyer drag this case and turn it into a contested divorce as I think she might be trying to do.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
            What is your lawyer proposing with regards to custody? Joint or sole? It would seem odd if he is proposing the time split, but not the actual custody.
            My wife proposed joint legal custody and full physical custody.

            My lawyer proposed full custody for me.

            I disagree with both of them.

            Shared custody is best for the child. And his parents.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Edward View Post
              My wife proposed joint legal custody and full physical custody.

              My lawyer proposed full custody for me.

              I disagree with both of them.

              Shared custody is best for the child. And his parents.
              You're in for a fight. What you see as the best solution for custody is not necessarily what a Judge will see.

              Comment


              • #8
                I would follow your Lawyers advice. This is no longer the time to be thinking of you ex's feelings. I understand you don't wish to make things more difficult, so try mediation and all that kind of stuff too. You'll be able to say to her that you are looking for solutions, and she needs to participate or not get offended when you persue legal action if/when she won't participate.

                Having full custody does not mean you must exclude the other parent from the decision making process in subjects pertaining to your children. You are still quite able to seriously consider any suggestions your ex makes. Hopefully, you would be able to find it within yourself to do just that.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm sorry. You are being fair and reasonable, and she is not listening to sense. You have custody of the child now, She should have accepted shared. I would continue to offer shared custody (50/50) and try to mediate. The more reasonable you are then the more likely the judge will see it as her being unfair. Good luck.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you both.

                    Here is the thing. My wife received $8000 CCTB and spent it. But none for the child.

                    F or 10 monts I took the care of the child. She paid no CS etc.

                    She filed for shared legal custody and primary physical custody

                    I responded 50/50


                    Now my lawyer wrote a settlement proposal to send to her lawyer which includes that I should get full custody and other stuff based on circumstances.

                    I edited my lawyers proposal and put in nothing that my wife would see as my advantage, and emailed it back to her.

                    But I called her today and was told she won't be back until next week. WTH

                    She was appointed to me by legal aid

                    PS. Her proposal makes sense and IS fair but I know my wife wouldn't accept it and it would turn into a battle. I am willing to sacrifice some assets and help her pay 1 bill for shared custody

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Stargate View Post
                      You're in for a fight. What you see as the best solution for custody is not necessarily what a Judge will see.
                      No fighting YET. My lawyer can't put what I don't allow. Wife said she will accept shared custody.

                      If we do end up in court, the judge will see what is best for the child.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Edward View Post
                        If we do end up in court, the judge will see what is best for the child.

                        Unfortunately, THAT is not always the case.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by representingself View Post
                          Unfortunately, THAT is not always the case.
                          That is true

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Edward, I started out similar to where you are. I wanted shared custody, I wasn't interested in assets, etc and I just wanted away from my ex and I didn't want to ask for anything. I felt I just wanted my independance, my time with the children and that I would rebuild my life myself.

                            As it turned out, STARTING with such a reasonable offer meant that my ex, and encouraged by her lawyer, wanted a much better deal. They wanted more and more, offering less and less in return.

                            If you start with offering 50/50, she will demand she gets 60 or 70
                            % custody. Or 100%. If you say you don't want any part of the assets, then she wil demand you pay her for other things you never thought of.

                            It is really hard for you to step back and see these things clinicly, I know, I was there.

                            If your ex is reasonable, if you can talk to her, if you can say "My goal is 50/50, let's save money and time and arguments and work together on this" and she agrees then that is a start.

                            But the next day her best friend, and her mother, and her lawyer, and everyone else in her life will bombard her with advice that you are a jerk and she should be getting more, because everyone they know got more in their divorce.

                            Anything she says is not binding, it is not binding until you get it signed and witnessed.

                            So if you can negotiate yourself, great, but get it witnessed and signed by lawyers and then feel that you have accomplished something.

                            I would really really advise you not to open up with your best, most reasonable offer. Let your lawyer do it dispassionately, by mathematics, and submit an offer that is what the courts would decide. From there let her negotiate a better deal with you. Negotiation means that if you give up something, she gives up something else in return.

                            At this point perhaps you could suggest to her that what you would want in return is just a quick settlement with no hostility and co-operation raising your child. You would offer a better deal in exchange for this. But let her see "what the courts would say" is an equitable deal according to your circumstances first. That includes status quo, and it includes the value of the furniture.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Good advice Mess.

                              Comment

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