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standing on the sidelines · #11 06-19-2014, 06:43 PM

http://www.yoursocialworker.com/pare...oordinator.htm

standing on the sidelines · #12 06-19-2014, 06:51 PM

In disputes about custody of and access to children, an appropriate arbitrator might be a parenting coordinator. Parenting coordinators are often members of the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers, The College of Psychologists of Ontario or the Ontario Association for Family Mediation, any of which may have a list of members who do this kind of work.

from the website Choosing a family arbitrator - Ministry of the Attorney General

somethingelse · #13 06-19-2014, 08:58 PM

Ostensibly, Parenting Coordination is a combination of mediation, arbitration and parent education.

Unless you're an oligarch, avoid parenting coordination like the plague.

Parenting Coordination would probably work best for families that don't need it. If you need it, it probably won't work for you.

If you're at the point where you think you need PC, then at least one party was unaffected by the Ministry of The Attorney General's parent education program and other information about how parents should work to get along after divorce. If someone is not able to learn or refuses to, then why pay a Parenting Coordinator to tell them the same thing? In that situation you need more than parenting coordination. You need a family court system which enforces the bits of paper which say "Order" at the top.

Beware of a "parenting coordinator" who refuses to arbitrate, although their mandate is to arbitrate when necessary. Beware near-extortionate billings of around $1000.00 a month and little you can do about it.

Be extremely cautious about parenting coordination.

Beachnana · #14 06-19-2014, 09:32 PM

A tangled web for sure. I did,notice that OP stated that ex became hostile when she entered into a relationship. It could be part of the problem now. It was okay,for,him to move on,and have a new partner and babies etc., but it was quite a shock for his ex to suddenly find another partner. Its a game changer.

For the past few months my daughters ex was skyping with what ever girlfriend he had currently at his side. Mom had asked that skype chats be a one on one but he ignored it. So on one occasion skype was set up,and,there in the background,was Mom,and a close male friend. Never saw the girlfriends again. Lol. Shoe on the other foot,does not,always fit,that well. So perhaps the,sudden hostile turn in the relationship has a reason. Someone has moved on

standing on the sidelines · #15 06-19-2014, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beachnana

A tangled web for sure. I did,notice that OP stated that ex became hostile when she entered into a relationship. It could be part of the problem now. It was okay,for,him to move on,and have a new partner and babies etc., but it was quite a shock for his ex to suddenly find another partner. Its a game changer.

For the past few months my daughters ex was skyping with what ever girlfriend he had currently at his side. Mom had asked that skype chats be a one on one but he ignored it. So on one occasion skype was set up,and,there in the background,was Mom,and a close male friend. Never saw the girlfriends again. Lol. Shoe on the other foot,does not,always fit,that well. So perhaps the,sudden hostile turn in the relationship has a reason. Someone has moved on

if you re-read she was okay with the 50/50 until he got a new partner. That was after she said he was upset that she found someone new. Looks like she wasn't okay with him moving on.

Beachnana · #16 06-19-2014, 10:14 PM

Quote ...Ever since my relationship with my partner and including my move to Kanata, my ex has been very hostile. He is unreasonable at every chance. For a year now, I've been driving my son to school in Barrhaven (20min drive) and my ex seems to think that this is unacceptable. "

Yes you are right she was hostile to his new relationship and he to hers. So no one has moved on. Lets all put our hands up in the air, including the child in the middle. I sometimes think Dr Laura was right on when she declared if you have a child with another person and then the relationship ends. No one is allowed to start a new relationship until that child reaches 18! Now I can see why she said that.

standing on the sidelines · #17 06-19-2014, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by momofonegreatboy

Hello,

I'm at a lost. I left my former common law partner three years ago, after what we both new was a toxic relationship. I moved to Ottawa with my son while he stayed in Montreal for his work. Things were amicable. I travelled half way to Montreal on the weekends to exchange and for the most part, we were still good friends.

After 8 mths, he transferred to Ottawa and moved to the same community as my son and I. I still have our son the majority of the time because of his schedule. Our friendship started to crash as I entered into a new relationship. My ex wanted 50/50. We had no set schedule and we were simply going off our work schedules/social outings planned out on a monthly calendar ect. We were always very flexible. I was open to a 50/50 until he sent me an email announcing he met someone and after several months into their relationship, they bought a new house and she was 13 weeks pregnant (with twins). My stance was to keep as little change possible in my son's life and this was going to be a big one. His dad refused and unilaterally changed our month to month schedule by picking up my son on 'my day' and kept him for 7 days. My lawyer sent his lawyer a letter to say 'no -no' all while we would email me to say such things as 'you have no leg to stand on'.

I was told to keep my stance and return to our regular schedule (of which was pretty much 60/40 at that time) and again, he pulled my son out of daycare on my day -right before I was picking him up and kept him for the 7 days. I didn't even have the chance to explain to my son that I wouldn't see him for 7 days and that things were changing. My son was 6 at that time. Again, another letter from my lawyer stating that both parties are so close to reaching an agreement and that he should not have done that ect. My ex and his lawyer declined a four way lawyer meeting, and we settled to attend mediation. This didn't help whatsoever.

All I wanted was six months so my child could adapt to the baby twins, his new house and his dad's girlfriend. I decided that I would simply let it go and not fight the 50/50. He is a good father after all. A year and a half went by and that's when I met my partner and I moved in with him - in Kanata. He also has a daughter and her and my son are a year apart. He also has her 50/50 schedule with her and we have the kids on the same week. Ever since my relationship with my partner and including my move to Kanata, my ex has been very hostile. He is unreasonable at every chance. For a year now, I've been driving my son to school in Barrhaven (20min drive) and my ex seems to think that this is unacceptable.

My son's school called in Feb this year with red flags about our son (lack of focus, emotional outbursts,ect) and his dad blamed my move. We had him assessed and the report came back that he did not in fact have ADHD and that he was emotionally affected by the separation (even though three years had passed by) He still wants his mom and dad together. He is now 8yrs old, and is seeing the school board's social worker. Things have improved and he seems happier however, the social worker called a conference call with both his dad and I (last week) to summarize the last few months and shared that our son expressed wanting to attend the same school as his step sister (her school is behind our home).

You see, they are very close and have a special connection. I'm at a point now where I feel that 50/50 is not working (even his dad says this) our son has not adjusted and that we should be listening to what our son wants. My ex refuses to seek mediation and now I'm faced with having my lawyer send his lawyer a four way meeting request to talk about changing my son's school to Kanata of which would affect access. Any suggestions? I am not looking for child support. I'm even wondering if a parenting coordinator may work.

this is what I read. He was upset after he moved from montreal to Ottawa, she ends up moving in with new guy in another town. She didn't like his new relationship and he didn't like it when she moved the child.

Beachnana · #18 06-19-2014, 10:26 PM

Okay, so re read and really they are both upset and hostile with each other because both have new relationships. SO again Dr Laura is correct. No one should have a new relationship until their children are 18. Not that I agree with her, but I can see her point. If neither parent can handle the other having a new relationship then how do they expect their children to cope. Who are the adults here?

Beachnana · #19 06-19-2014, 10:29 PM

Getting back to the OPs question. You both need to acknowledged that each of you can be great parents and can offer good homes to your child with great extended families. Now you need to acknowledge that it is okay for your child to be happy in both homes and then work out what is best for the child. You do,not need parent coordinators to tell you how to behave and how to make smart decisions for your children. You need to give your heads a shake and ask yourself what are you actually arguing about here.

Serene · #20 06-19-2014, 10:45 PM

To be fair, mom acknowledges she took issue with dad having a new gf and twin babies too. Mom put a stop to the father having liberal access to the child.

Mom has interpreted that dad was hostile. That may or may not be accurate. I mean, if you piss someone off and put a cease fire on a father seeing his son as he used to - ya, I guess that could be construed as hostile. Or really, it could be that mom was being difficult and dad reacted accordingly.

Ask for the people who's kids were skyping with their other parent's...what the heck are you doing in the Skype with new partners? the Skype is between kid and parent. If the other parent wants their new partner, mother or minister in the picture so be it. That is THEIR call. Not yours. I question the need to control so many things. And for what reason?

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