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  • Shared Custody Schedule

    I have been seperated from my ex for about 1 year and finally going through mediation. She fet that we can work it out the seperation agreement on our own, but I prefer to have someone who is impartial, not that we are having major problems, at least I thought.

    During the course of the seperation my pending ex has moved 4 times, and now feels that she is in a stable situation. During those periods we have tried different schedules with the kids. We have them 50-50.

    Our kids are 3 and 8. Current schedule is she has them every Monday, Tuesday and I have them Wednesday, Thursday, and we alternate every other weekend. We have been on this schedule for the past 8 weeks, and I feel that it is a very good, stable and consistent

    She wants to change to 1 week on, 1 week off. The claim is that it will be better for kids in the areas of schooling; so that she know what is going on at school with our oldest regarding homework, projects, etc. For the youngest working on his character for a week. I think all of this noble, but I still disagree with changing the schedule.

    My prefererence is to keep the schedule as is. Regarding the school work I do not see a problem with it, he was getting it done with me. We are both good parents and want the best for the kids. However, we do not see eye to eye=egarding the changing the schedule.

    She feels so strongly about this that she is willing to have the courts decide, if it cannot be worked in mediation that favours her.

    What I want to know from the forum is what schedules have other's used, and benefits?

  • #2
    schedules

    My kids are 4 and 6. We are on the same schedule. We think it's been working out ok. However just the other day, my oldest said he would like to have a week on/week off schedule, because he is finding the current one too confusing. He says he never seems to know where he is supposed to be on a day. My hunch is this will clear up a bit once he has a concept of dates and days of the week.

    We are thinking about his request, but our concern is that homework never seems to get done in the other home. If they were to have him for a whole week, who knows what he'd miss doing. It should be interesting to see how it works out for him in Grade 1, when homework is more important.

    Maybe you should talk with your kids in vague terms about it, just to feel out what they think. Sometimes they surprise you with the insight they provide from their perspective.

    As for benefits of the current schedule - it means you can plan a re-curring activity on your nights with them. So if you wanted to sign them up for something that would work. Plus, it's never too long until you see them again. A benefit to the weekly schedule I think, might be that it would be easier to keep track of belongings and clothes. We never seem to have the seasonal things we've sent with them when we need them. Having a couple of transitions a week means a lot more lugging of the stuff to school and back for the kids on a regular basis.

    Just my 2 cents.

    Comment


    • #3
      I am on the same schedule. I hate it. Why you ask?

      Well, at first when the kids were not in school, it seemed like a great way to ensure constant contact. But, even at a very young age my kids felt is was very confusing, a lot of back and forth, too many transitions, etc., etc., etc. As my child said... "I'm getting dizzy". I wanted week on/week off. The ex refused.

      Now, there are some advantages to a set week day-type schedule. For example, lessons and sports. If your ex does not want to be involved in an activity, you can select an activity on your nights that are not on the ex's nights. So every Teusday you could enroll a child in swimming knowing that you will always take them.

      Also, if gives you a set of free nights. What if I wanted to go to a evening course. You could pick a night that is not with the kids... and go.

      So Pros:

      - set nights for kids activities
      - set free nights for your life
      - lots of contact

      Now the cons...

      - kids still find it confusing... lots of overscheduling.. we are supposed to be making it easy on them
      - my kids request logner streches all the time (all under 7)... sometimes they say 10 days would be best.
      - lots of wasted trips... pick up drop off, back and forth, here and there
      - lots of transitioning...
      - items: you have to keep track of 100 different things and move them around several times a week
      - exhaustion
      - settling in... kids just get settled, then move again... repeat ad nauseum
      - school... what a pain trying to keep track of school homework, etc... let's say they get homework on Monday due Thursday... well, in that time they may have switched houses.. TWICE.. so who did it... who is tracking it...
      - school projects.. let's say they get a project due Friday... who completes it... where is it? what if it is BIG... does it move around? Most homework and projects do not extend more than a week
      - paperwork... trying to track of everything... its like lauching missisles at NATO
      - schools hate it... who has the kids when?
      - bus drivers hate it - who has the kids when?
      - daycares hate it - who has the kids when?
      (most people understand week on / week off)
      - did I mention the kids still find it confusing
      - coming off long schedules (like summer, christmas, march break) back to a ping-pong schedule really seems weird (and confusing)
      - stress
      - the parents own personal confusion (hey... what day is today... where am I going... ???)
      - holidays and such get really screwy... example... long weekends, then suddenly one parent has the kid for one day in the middle
      - and about a million other things

      As you can see... I hate it.

      Comment


      • #4
        btw, cut and paste my e-mail in an affidivait... and you would win your case. Judges don't like these crazy schedules either...

        Comment


        • #5
          I chose 3 1/2 days per week...works for us!
          I get Sun AM through Wednesday PM...no problems so far...

          Comment


          • #6
            Shared Custody Schedule

            Thanks for the input. From the feedback that I am getting from other areas it appears that the week to week schedule has more pros than cons espacially for the young school age kids.

            What about the vacation schedules? Once you have the week to week schedule established, then you book vacation time, if you are going somewhere you may infringed upon the other parent week. Once a schedule has been established its there not to be change, but vacations poses a problem because if you are going somewhere it does not always fit in nicely with the schedule. If you were to maintain the schedule regardless of the vacation there will be times that you will have the kids for 2 weeks in a row.

            Has anyone came across this situation, or is it just a matter of life.

            I am currently inclined to go week to week but have to bring to the table what this decision will mean for different scenarios.

            Comment


            • #7
              Vacations and holidays do tend to make things confusing. Usually you decide ahead of time how to handle these.

              For vacations we have it stipulated that each parent gets 14 consecutive days in the summer months. Every year there is a parent that has priorty for making the first choice of when those two weeks happen. Then it switches the next year. We then have to figure out together how the regular schedule will work around that.

              Trickier though are days like Mother's Day and Father's day. Should it be just a visit with the other parent on that day? Or should it entail an overnight? This is something we are still working out.

              For summer vacations, make sure you stipulate that an itinerary with addresses, phone numbers and days leaving and returning are presented 1 week before any trip. Also, make sure to get in writing at least one phone call from your kids during that time. It's a very nervous feeling not to know where your kids are and not hear from them for 2 weeks!

              I believe I'm up to 4 cents now.

              Comment


              • #8
                We have a 50/50 schedule, Wed to Wed with after school pickup. It works for us. We also have the kids in the morning at 7 am that fall on her weeks so we drop them off at school due to ex's work schedule, we also have them on PD days and holidays that fall on her weeks, and sick days that fall on her weeks. My husband works from home so he is very fortunate to be able to look after his kids during his ex's weeks. The exceptions are Father's and Mother's day, the kids spend those days with each parent regardless of the schedule, and they rotate the christmas holiday week, he gets odd and she gets even years. The summer schedule is a 2 week rotation, gives time for vacations with the kids and without. We look after the kids during her 2 weeks of the summer schedule, however we take 2 weeks for us whether his ex likes it or not, considering it is the only 2 weeks without the kids we get all year round.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I guess I'm the odd one out here in that I like my Tue, Thu and every second weekend thing. It's not confusing to us or the kids at all. They are 6 and 9 and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want the week/week thing because they miss us.

                  My situation is good for that kind of schedule though, my ex and I live 10 minutes walk apart and our daycare is very accommodating.

                  It depends on your situation and mostly, the feelings of the children. I think the week/week thing would be harder on young kids but apparently it works very well for some.

                  If you can keep a decent enough relationship with your ex you might be able to try both ways and see which works well for you and the kids.

                  DD

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I have 50/50 with my 4 year old son. It is a week about arrangement, Friday evening to Friday evening. Both Mom and Dad take the boy on their off week (Tuesday evenings) for either an overnight visit, or return him to the other parent the same evening depending on scheduling variables.

                    My understanding is that the more exposure the child has to each parent (at my son's age at least), the better. That is to say that the fact that each parent spends time with the child mid-week (on their off-week) is a good thing. The boy doesn't go longer than 4 days without seeing the other parent, and any seperation fears/anxieties are mitigated.

                    Comment

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