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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 06-26-2019, 12:27 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Default Med/Arb

My lawyer had convinced me to try med/arb. Its faster he said. Its cheaper he said. Youll be able to move on with your life sooner he said. Lies. Lies. Lies. It has now been just over 2 years since I stopped with the court proceedings and we switched to med arb. The other side or rather the dark side as I now refer to them has managed to stall, stall, stall once again. We dont even have a mediation date!!!!!!!!!
They cancelled the last one 6 months ago because they needed more time for him to make financial disclosure ( youd think after nearly a decade of litigation his lawyer would have his financial information).
... and yes we are less than 18 mos away from a decade of litigation with not one single issue including custody, access or visitation settled. I have sent umpteen severable offers to settle on ALL issues. To date the dark side has sent notta, zip, zero offers to settle. Not even any counter offers. My theory is that his lawyer is too busy milking his golden goose to even consider letting him
settle.

This ongoing bs is torture. Plain and simple psychological torture.
Rant over.

Questions

How long is med/arb supposed to take on average?
Since we havent even settled on a date after 2 years can I drop this hot potato and just walk over to family court and start another file? I want to move this
forward,
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  #2  
Old 06-26-2019, 05:16 AM
tilt tilt is offline
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I would say that if you dont see substantial progress in mediation in three months than you are better off with the court process. (Substantial progress would be all minor issues settled via signed MOS and most major issues agreed too).

Mediation only works if BOTH parties are highly motivated. You can also do both con-currently; the stick of a possible Court Order at an upcoming court date often makes the carrot of mediation suddenly more attractive to the other side. Mediation is a great way for lawyers to rack up billable hours with relatively little work (just talking/negotiating is so much easier than making sure deadlines are adhered too and the right forms filled out.

Perhaps it is time to change lawyers after ten years of getting nowhere.
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  #3  
Old 06-26-2019, 09:11 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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From what you've told us- I don't see how med/arb will benefit you. The other side is not motivated to settle this. I'm in the same position- the other side keeps stalling. I've sent two offers- they haven't responded once.

My lawyer is setting down a date for a SC. Don't wait- it's not worth it- it costs you more in all the correspondence, and the lawyers to say "hey how's it going- when do you want to get together?"

The caveat is that I think it depends on how strong your case is. If it's weak- mediation can benefit the party with the weaker side.

Also- there is a school of thought that having the same individual do the arbitration and mediation together is not a good thing. I can't find the article right now- but it's basically that one party is not going ot get a fair shake. That there are biases from the mediation that the arbitrator brings into their decision.
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  #4  
Old 06-26-2019, 10:04 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I will quote what the judge said to my husbands ex:

Mediation only works if both parties are willing to do it.

Also:

If one person continues to bring up the past and not move forward, the other party will say why should I mediate.

In his case the judge agreed with my husband that mediation would never have worked. In your case you can outline that you attempted mediation but the other party was unwilling to cooperate.

File a motion, get this moving and over with. If his lawyer wants to continue to play these games, move it to trial and be done with it. Your kids deserve better than what their father is giving them.
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  #5  
Old 06-26-2019, 11:21 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Three years ago we made it to our third TMC. The judge kept refusing to put us on the trial list as his lawyer estimated a 22+ day trial whereas mine estimated a four to five day trial. The judge refused to put us on the trial list as he was unwilling to accommodate a potential 22 day or longer trial. I have not had the same lawyer throughout all this litigation.
Fast forward to today where mediation has been agreed to over two years ago with no date set. My lawyer told me that it wont look good on me if I go to court in the middle of mediation as I agreed to try it. ?????? What mediation?????
He also said that the judge still wont put us on the trial list!

It wont have to be a 22 day trial now as the custody issues are basically resolved since the youngest is now a teen and once again he has gone several years with no contact with the kids ( his choice as he feels that will show the courts he doesnt need supervised access). The financial issues are a bit complicated and involve a substantial amount of money. The sale proceeds from the matrimonial home have been sitting in trust for several years now and he is adamantly denying me access to my share of those funds. He doesnt need them as he has millions available to him .

Can I refuse to participate further in this sham mediation?Will a judge hold that against me? Can the court continue to refuse to put our case on the trial list? How in gods name does all of this serve the best interests of the children?

Last edited by Stillbreathing; 06-26-2019 at 11:23 AM.
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  #6  
Old 06-26-2019, 11:42 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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I wonder if you could send an ultimatum. For instance, if a mediation date is not scheduled in the next 30 days you will have no other choice but to move this forward via litigation.

Your lawyer sounds like a pussy. Might be time for a barracuda?
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  #7  
Old 06-27-2019, 09:57 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I
Your lawyer sounds like a pussy. Might be time for a barracuda?
Yeah- I was wondering the same thing.

I've noticed there are way too many "good" family lawyers that are afraid of court.
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  #8  
Old 06-27-2019, 11:35 AM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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How can a trial be 22 days??? Geez! You'd go bankrupt, but I guess in your case you may be able to claim cost.

I used to think that family court was just expensive but have realized that it's not as useful as I thought it would be. And that's the sad part.
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  #9  
Old 07-05-2019, 06:19 PM
ClearWay Law ClearWay Law is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
My lawyer had convinced me to try med/arb. Its faster he said. Its cheaper he said. Youll be able to move on with your life sooner he said. Lies. Lies. Lies. It has now been just over 2 years since I stopped with the court proceedings and we switched to med arb. The other side or rather the dark side as I now refer to them has managed to stall, stall, stall once again. We dont even have a mediation date!!!!!!!!!
They cancelled the last one 6 months ago because they needed more time for him to make financial disclosure ( youd think after nearly a decade of litigation his lawyer would have his financial information).
... and yes we are less than 18 mos away from a decade of litigation with not one single issue including custody, access or visitation settled. I have sent umpteen severable offers to settle on ALL issues. To date the dark side has sent notta, zip, zero offers to settle. Not even any counter offers. My theory is that his lawyer is too busy milking his golden goose to even consider letting him
settle.

This ongoing bs is torture. Plain and simple psychological torture.
Rant over.

Questions

How long is med/arb supposed to take on average?
Since we havent even settled on a date after 2 years can I drop this hot potato and just walk over to family court and start another file? I want to move this
forward,
Mediation and arbitration is often much faster than going to court. Of course, it doesn't work out for everyone. But for most it does.
Just like everything in family law, it's always different for each person.
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  #10  
Old 07-05-2019, 06:20 PM
ClearWay Law ClearWay Law is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gettingexpensive View Post
How can a trial be 22 days??? Geez! You'd go bankrupt, but I guess in your case you may be able to claim cost.

I used to think that family court was just expensive but have realized that it's not as useful as I thought it would be. And that's the sad part.
Don't count on claiming cost. Most people don't get it.
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