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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 08-12-2013, 07:59 PM
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You send her back a fair counter offer.

50-50 shared access, 2-2-3 model
Joint legal
Cs paid according to offset table guidelines and adjusted each year on Jul 1.
Alternating holidays (for gods sake DEFINE them)
Summer schedule, who picks weeks first and by when.
Equalization

Then you sit on your heels and stall for 6 Months. You instruct your lawyer to not address retarded back and forth with the other side.

Read the list (its found on Divorce Information for Men and Fathers | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com) and follow it.
Get your valuables inventoried. Get copies of rrsps, bank statements, pay stubs, etc and lock them off premises. In a drawer at the office, safety deposit box, rent a storage unit, whatever.

Here is the single most valuable piece of advice you will ever get...

UNTIL YOU HAVE A SIGNED AGREEMENT, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LEAVE THE HOUSE.

If she tries to leave with the kids DO NOT stand in front of her, don't touch her and let her leave. But you have your lawyer file an emergency motion to have the kids returned to the marital home and for exclusive possession.

SHE can live whereever she wants, but until a final order is signed, the kids stay in the home.
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  #22  
Old 08-12-2013, 08:02 PM
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As for her chances, assuming you stick to your guns and don't do anything stupid...less than zero.

If you fight for it, and don't make stupid mistakes (getting caught alone with her without your recorder running, getting suckholed into an argument) you will get 50-50.

Nbdad's rule #1

Until the ink is dry on the final order, any involvement with your ex should have fuzzy pink bunnies and glitter farting unicorns all over it.
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  #23  
Old 08-12-2013, 09:08 PM
keepmovingforward keepmovingforward is offline
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Thanks.
And thanks for the link.

What is going to make her move off the "EOW I'm still living in the 1990's" crap?

Most people I talk to - mostly woman - say there is no way shes getting that. And there is no way we are going to court. It's too stupid. Long before then it will be decided in a case conference or mediation. I just don't understand all the jargon.

Guess I will be getting an education at my lawyers...
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  #24  
Old 08-12-2013, 09:20 PM
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Sorry NBDad didn't see the list. Followed the link to the website and got the homepage. Couldn't find the list.
Please help.
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  #25  
Old 08-12-2013, 11:18 PM
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THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum
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  #26  
Old 08-26-2013, 12:05 PM
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Well my youngest just turned 7 and no where close to an agreement. My oldest will be 10 in November. Hopefully an agreement by then.
Filing for custody on my lawyers recommendation.

Seems scary. Although I am definitely 50% of their care minimum.

My lawyer is asking me to summarize why I think I am the primary caregiver. Should be easy enough. But what should I be concentrating on ?

Also, where does the process go from here ?

Thoughts / experiences would be appreciated. Thanks,
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  #27  
Old 08-28-2013, 11:00 PM
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Trying to bring my wife into 2013. She's stuck in 1990's....
Does anyone have links to articles or websites that discuss shared parenting and 50-50?
Need her to read and understand today's environment in family law.

Thanks.
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  #28  
Old 08-29-2013, 06:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keepmovingforward View Post
Trying to bring my wife into 2013. She's stuck in 1990's....
Does anyone have links to articles or websites that discuss shared parenting and 50-50?
Need her to read and understand today's environment in family law.

Thanks.
I don't recommend you try to "educate" the other parent. They have to come to this realization themselves. At best, you could leave out a copy of the book "Tug of War" and hope they pick it up and read it.

You should read "the list" in more detail. If you try to "educated" the other parent they can easily twist this into it being a "controlling" act and a demonstration of the possible "violence and abuse" (Rule 24.(4) of the CLRA) and why joint custody and equal access on a 50-50 basis wouldn't be appropriate.

If the other parent starts to read the mountains of "literature" on what constitutes "emotional abuse" you are in for a long haul of nonsense. Every thing you do will be 'abusive'. You asking her to research a topic will be "controlling"... You not responding to her questions, screams, throwing a toaster at you, etc... Will be "abusive"...

Always remember that in a family law matter it is a "civil court" matter... The decision from a judge is based on the "balance of probabilities" not "beyond reasonable doubt". Often, if someone jams enough nonsense hearsay into affidavits ("throws crap at the wall") something may stick. The reason NBDad and others are recommending you have very little contact is to insure you don't provide them any crap to throw at you.

The reality is that often you can have the crap of not talking to the other parent as "abusive" behaviour. It really is often a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation. Especially when dealing with a highly conflicted person.

They will pick apart every word you say, analyze it, and try to find some fault with what your position is and your character. They can be relentless and often hire lawyers who operate in a similar negative pattern. For them, they want to prove a point and not actually "solve" problems. They wallow in conflict and some times you just have to ignore the nonsense.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #29  
Old 11-05-2013, 04:32 PM
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Need some help here regarding sharing of expenses in a 50-50 arrangement.

Apparently my stbx is not really worried about the % of time with the kids. 40, 45, 50%. What she's really worried about is the cheque.

She says 50-50 and I pay her off the tables. Bear in mind, she makes 25% more than me !

She's concerned that she will get stuck with paying for all the clothes and things for the kids. Even though we have generally split these things. Roughly, she buys the clothes, I buy the hockey equipment, and pay the fees.

She was even worried about haircuts.

My lawyer suggested a joint bank account. She said no, that won't work. She is NOT exchanging receipts every month. It would be easier if I just gave her a cheque. WTF ?

I said, Why are ENTITLED to a cheque ? So I pay for the kids at my house and yours ? And your 6 figure income pays for nothing ? WOW.

This is a woman with a masters that apparently can't exchange a few expenses....

What is everyone else's experience with splitting expenses ?

If we don't get an agreement, case conference in January. Would a judge seriously tell me to pay HER ? Even at 50-50 ?
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  #30  
Old 11-05-2013, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keepmovingforward View Post
Need some help here regarding sharing of expenses in a 50-50 arrangement.

Apparently my stbx is not really worried about the % of time with the kids. 40, 45, 50%. What she's really worried about is the cheque.

She says 50-50 and I pay her off the tables. Bear in mind, she makes 25% more than me !

She's concerned that she will get stuck with paying for all the clothes and things for the kids. Even though we have generally split these things. Roughly, she buys the clothes, I buy the hockey equipment, and pay the fees.

She was even worried about haircuts.

My lawyer suggested a joint bank account. She said no, that won't work. She is NOT exchanging receipts every month. It would be easier if I just gave her a cheque. WTF ?

I said, Why are ENTITLED to a cheque ? So I pay for the kids at my house and yours ? And your 6 figure income pays for nothing ? WOW.

This is a woman with a masters that apparently can't exchange a few expenses....

What is everyone else's experience with splitting expenses ?

If we don't get an agreement, case conference in January. Would a judge seriously tell me to pay HER ? Even at 50-50 ?
Shocking.... lol

Hopefully she put that in writing for you. If not try and get her too.
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