Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 07-16-2013, 10:48 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepmovingforward View Post
Oh, one other thing.
I have been keeping a journal since Jan 1. Even before the separation.
My journal entries don't mention arguments or mental diagnosis of my spouse or how she didn't agree with me. My notes strictly deal with my involvement with the kids. Hopefully that will come in handy.

But, at the end of the day, putting all the BS aside, bottom line, she's not a traditional mom, and we are both equal caregivers of these children.
Good! I have to say, reading the forums, I see a lot of people trying to paint their exes with a diagnosis of mental illness. Yes there is a lot of mental illness around, and it touches all of us in one way or another, but in my personal opinion it doesn't belong in court unless that illness threatens the safety or inhibits the ability to parent, and can be demonstrated by a medical professional. My ex has been diagnosed, my son, my former mother in law and brother in law, my GF's ex, all suffer from varying mental illnesses. That doesn't mean the court will necessarily rule against them.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:08 AM
keepmovingforward keepmovingforward is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 31
keepmovingforward is on a distinguished road
Default

One thing I hope is in my favour is the fact she has the bf. Yes, she cheated on me. Oh wait - he's just a "friend"... a coworker. "There's nothing going on....."
Saw the first texts about a year ago. Then I turned into a PI . Short of getting pictures, I have the letters, the texts, caught her shopping with him, at his house, on the phone with him, yadda yadda...

SO, my hope is that she will not continue to live like this and want to settle and start her life with the bf.
AND, she knows I have the texts and letters. She doesn't want her image tarnished. Not that I am going to blackmail her or anything. What's done is done. It's about us raising children in the new reality.

BUT, I also fear desperation will set in and she will frame me with the violence card. Or mental abuse. So I am just going to stay away and stay on point about the boys.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:18 AM
FB_ FB_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,414
FB_ will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepmovingforward View Post
One thing I hope is in my favour is the fact she has the bf. Yes, she cheated on me. Oh wait - he's just a "friend"... a coworker. "There's nothing going on....."
Saw the first texts about a year ago. Then I turned into a PI . Short of getting pictures, I have the letters, the texts, caught her shopping with him, at his house, on the phone with him, yadda yadda...

SO, my hope is that she will not continue to live like this and want to settle and start her life with the bf.
AND, she knows I have the texts and letters. She doesn't want her image tarnished. Not that I am going to blackmail her or anything. What's done is done. It's about us raising children in the new reality.

BUT, I also fear desperation will set in and she will frame me with the violence card. Or mental abuse. So I am just going to stay away and stay on point about the boys.
This has NO relevance.

Same thing here. The judge won't care what either of you did. My ex brought the kids to sleep at her new boyfriends place during our in home separation and I could do NOTHING about it.

Your marriage is over, it totally sucks what happened to you and I know exactly how you feel. It will take a long time for that pain to go away, however you need to focus on your KIDS only. Ignore her. Ignore what she does.

EDIT:

Wait till she brings him into your house while you are there. This happened to me as well. I called the police they would do nothing since she was on title to the house. KEEP YOUR COOL. Do not threaten, yell, or react at all. It totally sucks but she will do it to try and get you to move out.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:21 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,702
DowntroddenDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepmovingforward View Post
One thing I hope is in my favour is the fact she has the bf. Yes, she cheated on me. Oh wait - he's just a "friend"... a coworker. "There's nothing going on....."
Saw the first texts about a year ago. Then I turned into a PI . Short of getting pictures, I have the letters, the texts, caught her shopping with him, at his house, on the phone with him, yadda yadda...

SO, my hope is that she will not continue to live like this and want to settle and start her life with the bf.
AND, she knows I have the texts and letters. She doesn't want her image tarnished. Not that I am going to blackmail her or anything. What's done is done. It's about us raising children in the new reality.

BUT, I also fear desperation will set in and she will frame me with the violence card. Or mental abuse. So I am just going to stay away and stay on point about the boys.
From a legal perspective, unless you want to be granted a divorce before the one year waiting period, it doesn't matter at all that she committed adultery. It does not impact child support, spousal support, or custody. Whether or not she lives with someone is irrelevant unless that person has a criminal record that would make him a danger to the kids.

So don't think about using it. Let it go, you can't change it, and thinking about it can make you lose focus on what really matters, the kids.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:25 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,819
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
One thing I hope is in my favour is the fact she has the bf. Yes, she cheated on me. Oh wait - he's just a "friend"... a coworker. "There's nothing going on....."
Saw the first texts about a year ago. Then I turned into a PI . Short of getting pictures, I have the letters, the texts, caught her shopping with him, at his house, on the phone with him, yadda yadda...
Totally irrelevant. Drop this whole strategy quick. It will hurt you, not help you. Stop interfering in her private life, your marriage is over. If you think that putting slanderous nonsense in an affidavit is going to help you...you are very wrong. The only thing you should be concentrating on is proving that you are a great dad. Slandering your ex as a parent or a person is bad strategy. If she bashes you...take the high road and do not retaliate and bash her back...instead simply prove who you are to the court. You will look like the rational, truthful person...which is exactly what you want to portray.

Concentrate only on things that will help you in your custody battle. Start keeping a daily journal of time with the kids (I also kept ticket stubs, receipts, etc...as backup documentation)...make sure you stay involved in their lives...etc.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:36 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,973
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

The only relevance it may have, outside of getting a divorce faster, is if you encourage her spending time with him.

We call it the "Mr. Wonderful Effect". What you do is encourage her to spend time with him and to hopefully move forward with him. That gives you more time with the kids and gives her reason to want to get this over with so she can start up her life with the new guy.

It is a win/win for you as you get to spend extra time with the kids, gets her outta the house and possibly causes the process to move a little faster. The only hard part about it is sucking up your pride. If one can get over their own issues, it is a very useful tool.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 07-16-2013, 11:39 AM
FB_ FB_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,414
FB_ will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
The only relevance it may have, outside of getting a divorce faster, is if you encourage her spending time with him.

We call it the "Mr. Wonderful Effect". What you do is encourage her to spend time with him and to hopefully move forward with him. That gives you more time with the kids and gives her reason to want to get this over with so she can start up her life with the new guy.

It is a win/win for you as you get to spend extra time with the kids, gets her outta the house and possibly causes the process to move a little faster. The only hard part about it is sucking up your pride. If one can get over their own issues, it is a very useful tool.
I didn't encourage but this is what happened in my case. She moved in with him and I got to keep the house without much of a fight.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 07-16-2013, 12:24 PM
keepmovingforward keepmovingforward is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 31
keepmovingforward is on a distinguished road
Default

I didn't bring up the cheating because of any strategy. I know it's irrelevant from a legal standpoint. As my lawyer says, it's an irritant, like a mosquito......but don't waste another minute on it.

I only bring it up because she has another vine to grab onto and this may soften her stance...
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 07-16-2013, 12:28 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,819
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
I only bring it up because she has another vine to grab onto and this may soften her stance...
Highly unlikely and you have more important things to concentrate on.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 08-12-2013, 06:47 PM
keepmovingforward keepmovingforward is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 31
keepmovingforward is on a distinguished road
Default

Well, got my offer. What I thought.
She expects for me to see the kids EOW and one day during the week. AND, of course pay her child support even though she makes more than me (6 figures) and spends 12 hours a day out of the house.

got an appointment with my lawyer.

So, what is my next steps ? If I disagree ? Lawyers conference ? Case conference ? Mediation ? I have heard all these terms. If this goes to court how long is that ? I am going to be in the home for months and months....

Appreciate the experience viewpoint.

What are her chances because "she is a woman"...

Last edited by keepmovingforward; 08-12-2013 at 06:48 PM. Reason: added comment
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Case Law, Case Conference and Mediation Free-spirit Divorce & Family Law 5 09-30-2012 09:55 PM
Postponing Case Conference frustrateddad1970 Divorce & Family Law 2 06-18-2011 11:38 AM
self represented at the case conference, a good idea? foxy Divorce & Family Law 5 12-02-2009 10:08 PM
Case Conference coming, not getting good news riverbag Common Law Issues 10 08-28-2009 02:34 PM
Joint Custody-Do we have a good case? ikikass70 Parenting Issues 10 01-02-2009 03:56 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:05 AM.