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She showed me an email from her lawyer telling her that judges don't order 50-50. He (meaning me) is mistaken. I couldn't believe it. Of course she started laughing at me saying I don't have a chance and why "are you dragging us through the courts !" Her lawyer is telling her that the 5/14 dys (36%) offer she gave me is very generous.
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lol...Who cares what she or her lawyer says. Unscrupulous lawyers tell clients what they want to hear. Her lawyer isn't the judge and you have an excellent case for shared access/custody provided you lose the attitude. Ignore her and her lawyer and focus on proving what kind of parent you are. I'm not sure why you're even discussing this type of stuff with her.
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So, I guess 50-50 is not all alive and well across Ontario. You GTA folks are the progressive ones.
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I live in Southern Ontario...not the GTA and 50/50 seems to be the standard here.
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Maybe I just take her offer and cut my losses. All my lawyer will say is "you have a good chance".
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What do you expect your lawyer to do? Promise you a win? Only unscrupulous lawyers try to tell you what the outcome will be. A good lawyer works on strategy with you to prove your case and points you in the most reasonable direction to go. Congratulations, it sounds like you have a good lawyer because they told you accurately that you have a good chance based on your evidence.
It is normal at this stage of the process to be paranoid....its normal to be somewhat susceptible to threats from the other side...and its normal to be scared. There is a great deal at risk here. You need to put aside the fear, ignore your ex and think about what's right for your children. If you believe that having joint custody/access is best than keep working on that.
More importantly, find a way to deal with your ex in a more detached manner. I know its difficult now but the custody/access fight is just beginning. You need to stop the pattern of communication you currently have with her and let go of the anger/bitterness. Its a process and takes a lot of time...so the sooner you start, the sooner you will get to the goal.
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And all the while I continue to get them off to school, pick them up from school, do homework, engage in father/son activities and take them to their extracurricular stuff - you know being a father since day 1. I'm stunned that a judge would rule EOW and have a nice day because I am a man.
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So good, you're doing the right things. And in my experience, judges don't make rulings based on your gender. In fact, I've seen just the opposite. Judges more and more are trying to order shared custody arrangements. They might make a ruling based on your attitude, however, so stop making wild assumptions and being gender-paranoid. Just take a deep breath and relax. The problem with going the contested divorce route is always that some things are out of your control. So don't worry about them until you have to. Right now, you don't need to worry...you have good evidence to prove your case.
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I am told the first case conference doesn't decide anything. You need questioning, then the settlement conference. That's where we will get some idea of where the law sits on this matter.
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CC's are on consent...without consent, your next move will be to go to motion because you need an interim custody decision. I didn't read this whole thread but it sounds like you're in an in-home separation situation. So first, the motion needs to decide what to do with the house...then to determine the custody/access arrangement. How mine worked was because we had no expert evidence in favor of one party or the other (ie. OCL or private custody assessor)...the judge continued with a joint custody arrangement on the interim agreement. This sounds like what your lawyer will be asking for...and its a good chance its what you'll get.
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But I will continue on until a judge says that I am not deserving of my kids equal time.
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Good...that's what you should do.
So now just stop making wild assumptions and imagining the worse. Make sure all your ducks are in order and mostly relax and de-stress. You need to help your kids through this transition and you cannot do that if you're worrying and under a lot of anxiety.
12-12-2013, 02:56 PM
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