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  • Not sure what to do

    hello: I am wondering if there is anyone else that has experienced what i am currently dealing with.
    I have been with my partner for 3 years, he has been separated for 4. His ex continues to call him and inform him of her upcoming dates, conflicts within her immediate family, her money issues etc. very rare does she call or text to talk about the children, it is 95 percent her problems. My partner tells me he listens because he doesn't want to upset her and to maintain a friendly relationship for the sake of the children. Is this normal behaviour? I have been divorced for 5 years, my ex and I have a pleasant relationship, with our son as our main objective, but we also respect each others personal life and do not discuss it with each other.

  • #2
    Tell your partner to wean his Ex off of being her therapist. He can do it GENTLY, by making up some reason to get off the phone, like "Gotta go, the water's boiling." or something to that effect. Just me, but I'd be a little pissed if my present partner talked to her Ex about all his problems.

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    • #3
      I wish i could help you , but i dont know what to say other ,then His X does this because hi is listening , she knowws she has him because she uses the kids against him , THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW AND SHE CAN GET in to alot of shit in court ,
      Houston

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      • #4
        [quote=melodie2010;63105]My partner tells me he listens because he doesn't want to upset her and to maintain a friendly relationship for the sake of the children. Is this normal behaviour? [quote]

        I dunno if this is 'normal' behavoiur. But he seems like a smart man to me, even though it may be not exacly right that he need play that game in the first place. But such is life, I guess.

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        • #5
          Thank you for listening and responding, I will take your suggestions into consideration

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          • #6
            Originally posted by houston View Post
            I wish i could help you , but i dont know what to say other ,then His X does this because hi is listening , she knowws she has him because she uses the kids against him , THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW AND SHE CAN GET in to alot of shit in court ,
            Houston
            You're a wack-job, it doesn't say anywhere that she is using the kids agianst him and there is certainly NOTHING illegal about her sharing info on her own life with the ex.

            Some people have that kind of relationship with their ex that they can and do share a lot, if it's not mutual and he finds it uncomfortable then it's up to him to establish boundaries. If he can't do that then the alternative is just to be a good listener and maintain the friendship for the sake of the children. I can imagine there are far worse issues to have to deal with in many divorced couples.

            Sounds to me like perhaps the OP has more of an issue with the relationship than the spouse. My ex just called to wish me luck on the first day of my new job, and I can't see any reason why having that kind of relationship with him would ever be a bad thing - for me or my future potential partner.

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            • #7
              I did not join this forum for people to be degraded or insulted for thier opinions, there is more to the situation than was just written. And yes he is uncomfortable with her constant texts and phone calls, we were just looking for help to gently place boundaries within the strained relationship.

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              • #8
                It wasn't an opinion, it was a giant leap to assumptions based on facts that weren't provided or even implied (illegal? really??).

                Like I said if HE is uncomfortable with it, then it's up to him to establish boundaries with her. I'm sure she has a certain comfort level with him given they were married and certainly intimate partners for a time. If he doesn't want as much contact with her then he should just not answer the phone/texts/emails, like he would do with anyone else. He could also establish a regular time to talk with her to update on the kids, perhaps once a week or whatever works for them and keep the conversation on track about the kids. He's a big boy, he figured out how to divore her, I'm sure if he doesn't want to have a close realtionship with her he can figure out how to end that too.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by melodie2010 View Post
                  I did not join this forum for people to be degraded or insulted for thier opinions, there is more to the situation than was just written. And yes he is uncomfortable with her constant texts and phone calls, we were just looking for help to gently place boundaries within the strained relationship.
                  I think you do have a valid question and concerns and i also agree that resorting to name calling is really not appropriate but some do feel the need to do this to make their point and i for one don't appreciate that behavior. Back to your concern I do not believe that it not heathly for your relationship for this to continue.Discussing issues about the children is one thing but to be continually text'd and pouring out the intimate details of her life is is not healthy. That day should be long gone and she she move on, and she needs to find another venue for her issues like with her new interest or other family members or maybe even a therapist. My guess would be that there is no new interest.

                  I will say though there is nothing illegal here with the info you've provided its more of a moral one. Good luck.

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                  • #10
                    .

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                    • #11
                      Melodie2010..maybe try what I suggested in an earlier post, make up some excuse to get off the phone. Or do what Blink says, and just don't answer the phone or respond to any communications. Maybe his Ex will get the hint sooner than later. What is there to lose to try that for a while?

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                      • #12
                        Thank you

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