Need a boost

[LovingFather32]

Very interesting takes guys. Thanks.

I agree for sure that I wait.

My take is that any judge in the future will look at the poorly worded paragraph, shake is head, change the wording and tell my ex to get her butt to work and provide a deadline until he will impute her income to what she is capable of making based on her education/previous employment, etc. Just my thought.

[hopefull]

What makes you think the future Judge will be a "he"? Anyway, lessons learned for all of us...try to look past sex, and don't hook up with someone that just has a 'job' i.e. isn't bringing in as much as you.

Working at a grocery store, retail, timmies, McD, and other low paid jobs isn't a "career"

My take is that any judge in the future will look at the poorly worded paragraph, shake is head, change the wording and tell my ex to get her butt to work and provide a deadline until he will impute her income to what she is capable of making based on her education/previous employment, etc. Just my thought.

[blinkandimgone]

'He' is generally considered an acceptable inclusive term rather than he/she. No need to assume LF is assuming it will be a male or is making any sort of gender biased reference or assumption.

[PeacefulMoments]

What makes you think the future Judge will be a "he"? Anyway, lessons learned for all of us...try to look past sex, and don't hook up with someone that just has a 'job' i.e. isn't bringing in as much as you.

Working at a grocery store, retail, timmies, McD, and other low paid jobs isn't a "career"

I hope you don't mean that someone who has a lower paying job isn't worthy of being a partner. Lots of good, hardworking people for a variety of reasons, don't have "career" jobs, but work in the service industry. Even within the service industry, it is possible to advance and not be a part-time minimum wage clerk. I think that more important than the actual job, is whether the person has the ambition and drive to do their best at whatever they are doing, if they are fiscally responsible with what they earn, and if they are motivated to try and improve, whether through advancing at their current employment or upgrading for a different field of work.

[LovingFather32]

What makes you think the future Judge will be a "he"? Anyway, lessons learned for all of us...try to look past sex, and don't hook up with someone that just has a 'job' i.e. isn't bringing in as much as you.

Working at a grocery store, retail, timmies, McD, and other low paid jobs isn't a "career"

Not sure what your deal is, but I went through your few posts here on odf and they all seem to be negative, and quite frankly don't make much sense.

Those who know me are aware that I was raised by a single mother, live with 3 girls and have the utmost respect for females. In fact I have more female friends than males.

Also, my ex did have a good job. She was a paralegal in a pretty good firm that dealt with real estate. She simply didn't go back to work after the pregnancy (and we both agreed that she would so that we could have dual income, with family support living right across the street).

I meant nothing by saying "he" and certainly wasn't insinuating that females couldn't be judges. Not sure any lessons on "sex" were learned here. :-) Sheesh.

Regarding the shallow stance you have on "careers" .. just read PeacefulMoment's post. I really can't add anything to that.

[SadAndTired]

Well, there are lots of things I disagree with LF on, but this isn't one of them. I have never seen him make any generalized statements against women that are sexist in nature. I've seen him disagree with what his ex has done but only for the choices she makes as a person, not as a woman.

You attacking his use of he for a judge seems unfair.

[LovingFather32]

What turned out to happen was that the mother stopped her facade of job-seeking and is ignoring her financial obligations to the child because the father must pick up her slack, as per the court order.

Can you ever go back to court because of a lack of anticipated material change in circumstance?

Yea that's kind of what I mean. When I do let more time elapse and head back to court, judges arn't stupid, they will know what the intentions of the order were and will get everything back on the right track.

I just want to make sure I'm not acquiescenceing anything or setting her up to say shes's dependent on that income now and initiate a request for SS by not going to court earlier. I was thinking of taking care of it this summer while I had more time, but I think I'll take the advice of most posters here and wait.

[LovingFather32]

Now that you have the "when" figured out, you should go back to the "if" part and figure out how you're going to get past the material change in order to explain all your great points.

ONDaddy .. you seem like a fairly intelligent fella... at times.

This is not difficult.

a) She was ordered to work.

- She decided not to. (What will the judge think?)

b) I have 50/50: 50% child expenses, etc

- Full Table CS should not be paid.

To me this isn't a mind-numbing case. Why make it one?

[LovingFather32]

Also, I don't feel as if I'm going over board in any way. I've sat, waited and will continue to in case she's having difficulty finding work, although I'm not sure how that would be the case. I've found additional work, made significant cut backs and am doing my part to alleviate any financial issues, I just wish she would too, on her own, without assistance as she did for our entire relationship.

[Rioe]

I think timing would be very tricky. Too soon, and a judge would say "she hasn't been job hunting very long yet, give it more time, don't clog the court's time" and too long, and a judge would say "you've been fine with paying up to now so let's continue."

I wonder if it would be good to send the ex an email every now and then, asking how her job hunt is going, remind her to send you her NoA, etc, warning her that the order says she's to find a job and you are financially unable to keep these unfair offset payments up much longer which means your daughter's dance and stuff will have to be stopped. Send her any notices of jobs that fit her qualifications you may notice, tell her you're rooting for her. Anything friendly but firm that you can keep as documentation proving that you are not acquiescing to the unfair CS system but anticipating her upholding her end of the order.

[standing on the sidelines]

I think timing would be very tricky. Too soon, and a judge would say "she hasn't been job hunting very long yet, give it more time, don't clog the court's time" and too long, and a judge would say "you've been fine with paying up to now so let's continue."

I wonder if it would be good to send the ex an email every now and then, asking how her job hunt is going, remind her to send you her NoA, etc, warning her that the order says she's to find a job and you are financially unable to keep these unfair offset payments up much longer which means your daughter's dance and stuff will have to be stopped. Send her any notices of jobs that fit her qualifications you may notice, tell her you're rooting for her. Anything friendly but firm that you can keep as documentation proving that you are not acquiescing to the unfair CS system but anticipating her upholding her end of the order.

Hmm I wonder if he does go this route if he can say that he will give her time once daughter is in mandatory school (say three months or so after sept) to find work or he will be forced to take it back to court? That way she is on notice of further action and she may slip up and send back an email that hangs herself?

[LovingFather32]

I've thought about sending some emails.

But I know she'll instantly go the "he's pressuring me" route.

What are others thoughts on sending emails to at least have evidence that I'm not okay or acquicenceing this?

[Links17]

Once a month you can send a list of job postings you thought should be would great for.

In trial you can question why she didn't apply to those jobs.

I've seen it done before. I don't know if it's necessary.

[rockscan]

She doesnt have a problem asking you about your child support. Or taking money from the government while working under the table. Cant be too hard to send her jobs. Maybe every saturday after youve "read" the paper. "Hey saw this position, thought you would be great for it" etc.

[arabian]

I don't know you guys. I kinda disagree with most of you. LF32 and his ex have been separated for how long now? Going on 3 or 4 years? This woman has had enough time to get her shit together IMO. I'd go after her sooner rather than later. CS is the right of the child is it not? That does not equate into one parent pays and the other doesn't, particularly when both parents are well-educated.

I'd nail her hard and fast. The way the Ontario courts work it will probably take a year of those fucking case conferences anyhow. I'd get it started Sept 1 - as soon as the kid is in school (have the 1st case conference set for 2nd week in September).

I don't understand the thought process with waiting a year or two. I think a judge would see it for what it is - a lousy separation agreement, sloppily drawn up where child's best interests were not considered. You DO have a separation agreement right? Or is this thing still up-in-the air with quasi-Orders? (whatever you do - DO NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR THAT LAWYER YOU HAD BEFORE.

Another thing to think about is the longer she is out of the work force the stronger her argument is that she is unemployable and needs "retraining." Ontario government is extremely generous with tuition/post secondary education grants.

Just my opinion. Hate laziness. Kid deserve the best that BOTH parents can offer - one parent staying home on welfare just doesn't cut it IMO.

Edit - I don't see having income imputed as a means to lessen LF32's CS obligation. I believe that even at minimum wage the ex would provide a better standard of living for the child - that, in itself, is something I'm sure the court would consider seriously.

I would NOT be writing to your ex. You aren't her coach, buddy or pal. She is a parent and should act like one and provide for her child.