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  • 90 Day fiancee is coming to an end

    Hi everyone, my first post here.
    I am under a ton of stress right now as I see my marriage coming to an end.
    We are still together but my wife is always cold and rude to me. Yes, it is brutal.
    She is from eastern Europe, we met and married there. I sponsored her to Canada in 2012 and she arrived in 2013. In 2016 we underwent IVF and our son was born in 2017.
    She told a friend a couple months ago that she wants to take the child back to Ukraine to live. She even has told me this as well. Her words were that I could keep my money, just let her and our son leave.
    This may have been her plan from early on. It would have been impossible for her to undergo IVF due to undisclosed other issues (no details here, but I know for a fact). I realize this does not matter.
    She told me when she was 5 months pregnant and again when our son was 3 months old, she wanted a divorce to return home.


    My life is extremely stressful now. I am in my mid 50's while she is 40. I have tried to be a good husband and provider. As well as a father, but more on this later. I am now a wuss as I have jumped each time she barked for 6 years. I almost want to cry in shame as I write this, knowing how much I have endured trying to follow all her orders. I was not like this before.


    My first questions are about my son. Do I need to fear that she may obtain a passport for him to leave Canada? I will not give my consent at this time. As we are still together, I don't think I can place him on the passport watch list?
    I applied for her citizenship which should be granted in feb-mar '19. Should I cancel this or it doesn't matter? She would still be a permanent resident here. I am terrified of doing this!


    Thank you.
    Older_wuss_dad

  • #2
    Originally posted by Older_dad View Post
    She told a friend a couple months ago that she wants to take the child back to Ukraine to live. She even has told me this as well. Her words were that I could keep my money, just let her and our son leave.
    Do not sign for a passport. The challenge you face is that she can obtain a passport for the child from Ukraine without your consent. Ultimately the court won't let a child go to Ukraine who is currently under marshall law.

    This forum has experience with this very topic:

    https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...14onsc915.html

    Originally posted by Older_dad View Post
    My first questions are about my son. Do I need to fear that she may obtain a passport for him to leave Canada?
    She won't be able to get a Canadian passport without your consent. The Ukrainian passport is a whole different story.

    Originally posted by Older_dad View Post
    I will not give my consent at this time. As we are still together, I don't think I can place him on the passport watch list?
    If the child doesn't have a passport (Canadian) you can't put them on the watch list. Both parents consent is required. But, if she registers the child as a citizen born abroad she may be able to get a Ukrainian passport.

    Originally posted by Older_dad View Post
    I applied for her citizenship which should be granted in feb-mar '19. Should I cancel this or it doesn't matter? She would still be a permanent resident here. I am terrified of doing this!
    Don't cancel it. Furthermore, you are obligated to support the sponsored person. Considering that there is a war waging in Ukraine she would be better off leaving you and collecting child support and spousal support and remaining here.

    Logically, running with a child to Ukraine from Canada is usually left to crazy people (see link) to try and pull off.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Tayken View Post
      Ultimately the court won't let a child go to Ukraine who is currently under marshall law.

      This forum has experience with this very topic:
      https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...14onsc915.html
      That kind of scares me that if there was peace in Ukraine that a justice may allow my son to move there...
      Thank you for the link, interesting read.

      She won't be able to get a Canadian passport without your consent. The Ukrainian passport is a whole different story.
      Thanks, I realize this about Ukr passport too. What really is worrying now is I have been told by her friend that my wife has said twice about two months ago that "there must be some way to get my child back to Ukraine".
      They no longer talk as this friend did not support my wife's desires.
      So is there some way she could leave the country with just a Ukr passport for our son??

      Don't cancel it. Furthermore, you are obligated to support the sponsored person. Considering that there is a war waging in Ukraine she would be better off leaving you and collecting child support and spousal support and remaining here.

      Logically, running with a child to Ukraine from Canada is usually left to crazy people (see link) to try and pull off.
      OK, thats fine, I won't cancel the citizenship app. The sponsorship guarantor time has been met. I am fine with support payments.
      And lastly I agree!

      Comment


      • #4
        You were married in the Ukraine. How many years have you been married.

        No we don't think you are a "wuss".

        So your wife has a boyfriend?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by arabian View Post
          You were married in the Ukraine. How many years have you been married.
          Six+
          No we don't think you are a "wuss".
          I have learned that unless you are a 150% Alpha male, then these Russian girls will run you through a meat grinder until you're dog food. I thought I knew this going in, but to the extent that it holds true, I sorely misjudged. Compassion equals sharks smelling blood.
          It's a total different culture!
          Rule #1: Never show weakness.
          Rule #2: See Rule #1.

          So your wife has a boyfriend?
          Not in Canada. Back home waiting, who knows, but probably not.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Older_dad View Post
            Six+
            I have learned that unless you are a 150% Alpha male, then these Russian girls will run you through a meat grinder until you're dog food. I thought I knew this going in, but to the extent that it holds true, I sorely misjudged. Compassion equals sharks smelling blood.
            It's a total different culture!
            Rule #1: Never show weakness.
            Rule #2: See Rule #1.

            Not in Canada. Back home waiting, who knows, but probably not.
            Unfortunately, the snowdrop position is largely accepted here by many "men". Welcome to Canada my friend and be optimist, it's much much better to be free than living in lies and deceit with a freak control.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Tayken View Post
              She won't be able to get a Canadian passport without your consent. The Ukrainian passport is a whole different story.

              Tayken, you are right !


              My son is on the Canadian passport watch list. So I blocked that avenue.
              Problem is with the Ukr passport. Nothing I can do to stop it being issued.


              So far I am getting conflicting answers to this question. What is the right answer? Maybe others who have dealt with something similar can also chime in.
              My issue is what if my wife tries to board a plane in Canada bound for Ukraine. If she flies on her ukraine passport and my 21 month old son also flies on a new, just issued Ukraine passport. Will CBSA stop her from boarding ???? Would a fake consent letter be even needed ?
              Last edited by Older_dad; 12-17-2018, 06:52 PM. Reason: edit

              Comment


              • #8
                You have to seriously evaluate how "real" the threat is. Go back and read the case I cited. Is she selling all her personal belongings on the internet openly and advertising it is because she is moving back? Probably not.

                Reality check:

                1. There is a war there with Russia.
                2. There is a war there with Russia.
                3. They are under marshall law.
                4. Opportunities suck hardcore there.
                5. If she abducts the child then she won't get CS or SS from you.
                6. Did I mention that opportunities suck there and her income will probably be negative there... So consider #5 as a safeguard.

                Calm down.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                  You have to seriously evaluate how "real" the threat is. Is she selling all her personal belongings on the internet openly and advertising it is because she is moving back? Probably not.

                  Reality check:

                  1. There is a war there with Russia.
                  2. There is a war there with Russia.
                  3. They are under marshall law.
                  4. Opportunities suck hardcore there.
                  5. If she abducts the child then she won't get CS or SS from you.
                  6. Did I mention that opportunities suck there and her income will probably be negative there... So consider #5 as a safeguard.

                  Calm down.
                  We are still together so no belongings to sell. But it is rough. She hates me and does not speak to me other then to put me down. She only speaks russian to our son 21 mths age.
                  She has told me twice, that she wants to return to Ukr with the child.
                  She told a friend twice in October/November "There must be someway I can take X... back to Ukr "
                  She has told me " I dont want your money. I will go to a lawyer and sign the papers if you let me take X... back to Ukr " (she is foregoing a 250-350k probable settlement).
                  I know what that country is like. I have been there many times. Please do not condescend me or think I am being crazy. I am not!
                  I honestly believe she is waiting on citizenship here to start this..... Why, I have no idea. Maybe wants to return with full custody...I don't know.
                  I am going to make an appointment to see a lawyer. I realize now, I am in way over my head.
                  Tonight I peaked at her mobile messenger. She texted a friend today that she is thinking of taking our son to the women's abuse shelter.... I have never laid a finger on her.
                  Three days ago she told me she wants to take X... for a visit in April to Ukr. After all i wrote above!! Now she wants me to sign a passport request for X... to visit!?! WTH ! I SAID NO.


                  https://travel.gc.ca/travelling/publ...ions#directory


                  Under the warning signs heading. I can check off 10 of the 15 bullet points.


                  I am living with pure evil. Sorry to rant on this divorce forum. I wrongly thought this was where I was going. I was way wrong.

                  Comment

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