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This is my second time around, other children are 29 and 30, tons of $ in court with a bipolar spouse, you get the picture.
This time fate gave me a son, we never married, we stayed together for 6 years after. Here is the timeline.
2012-agreement written between us, signed/witnessed, not filed with court
50:50 split, week on, week off, (Fri to Fri) alternating Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving
“no child support” “child stays in school currently enrolled (rural small town)” “If parent moves from school district, must pay for transportation to current school.” “extracurricular activities costs equally paid by both” (this doesn't happen, I pay all)
Dad pays child support for another child he does not see (not my problem), but financially he has no means or desire to go to court and cant live on his own. (FRO arrears is over $15,000). This is why the 'no child support' clause we put in the agreement. I am paying additional expenses (extracurricular, school trips etc) I have our son on my benefits which covers most health/dental.
2018-dad moves 40km away, out of school district, drives son for bus pick up (friends house). Son leaves at 5:30am from dad’s and returns home around 6:30pm
I am within walking distance of school and primary residence at school.
Son now 14, heading to high school in September. He does not want to get up at 5:30am to make 40km trip to friends house, take a bus, then go to H.S. and reverse trip where he would get back to dad’s at 6:30pm. Teenage kids need sleep!
Bus company will only allow 1 address for busing (HS 10 km away from me, so we need a bus route in September).
I occasionally do trips out of country on weeks that son not with me (therefore my home cannot be a drop off spot for dad).
Son cannot talk to dad about his wishes, dad cries (I'm not kidding). Every time I try to inquire with dad, he changes the subject or wont answer me. If I push the issue, he questions his son, “Dont you love me”?, he frequently scans our text messages and then drills our son about the content of our discussions. Where is mom going now?, who is she seeing?
What I hear from my son is that he does not like the living arrangements (with stepmom/step sister), he is too far away from his local school, cant get a regular job or take weekly lessons because dad wont drive him.
I am willing to re-write agreement. I dont want this to turn to the courts because frankly, court makes things nasty. I've been there done that.
What I fear is that my son will one day become angry-teenage-boy and walk away from him. I don't want that to happen, he needs to have both parents in his life and I want him to have a relationship with dad. How can I approach this possible change?
This is my second time around, other children are 29 and 30, tons of $ in court with a bipolar spouse, you get the picture.
This time fate gave me a son, we never married, we stayed together for 6 years after. Here is the timeline.
2012-agreement written between us, signed/witnessed, not filed with court
50:50 split, week on, week off, (Fri to Fri) alternating Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving
“no child support” “child stays in school currently enrolled (rural small town)” “If parent moves from school district, must pay for transportation to current school.” “extracurricular activities costs equally paid by both” (this doesn't happen, I pay all)
Dad pays child support for another child he does not see (not my problem), but financially he has no means or desire to go to court and cant live on his own. (FRO arrears is over $15,000). This is why the 'no child support' clause we put in the agreement. I am paying additional expenses (extracurricular, school trips etc) I have our son on my benefits which covers most health/dental.
2018-dad moves 40km away, out of school district, drives son for bus pick up (friends house). Son leaves at 5:30am from dad’s and returns home around 6:30pm
I am within walking distance of school and primary residence at school.
Son now 14, heading to high school in September. He does not want to get up at 5:30am to make 40km trip to friends house, take a bus, then go to H.S. and reverse trip where he would get back to dad’s at 6:30pm. Teenage kids need sleep!
Bus company will only allow 1 address for busing (HS 10 km away from me, so we need a bus route in September).
I occasionally do trips out of country on weeks that son not with me (therefore my home cannot be a drop off spot for dad).
Son cannot talk to dad about his wishes, dad cries (I'm not kidding). Every time I try to inquire with dad, he changes the subject or wont answer me. If I push the issue, he questions his son, “Dont you love me”?, he frequently scans our text messages and then drills our son about the content of our discussions. Where is mom going now?, who is she seeing?
What I hear from my son is that he does not like the living arrangements (with stepmom/step sister), he is too far away from his local school, cant get a regular job or take weekly lessons because dad wont drive him.
I am willing to re-write agreement. I dont want this to turn to the courts because frankly, court makes things nasty. I've been there done that.
What I fear is that my son will one day become angry-teenage-boy and walk away from him. I don't want that to happen, he needs to have both parents in his life and I want him to have a relationship with dad. How can I approach this possible change?
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