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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 01-04-2013, 12:58 PM
thebtr1 thebtr1 is offline
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Default Harrassing and Bad behaviour

So brief background. My husband has been divorced for 9 years. Child has lived solely with him for last 3 years. Son is now 19. My husband has paid and continues to pay EVERY expense for son.
Son currently is in University living with mother. My husband is paying all schooling expenses. Son has credit card for all incedentals he may need including food clothes etc. My husband is also paying the mother $350 a month in rent (which she calls expenses water hydro and internet). The mother has done nothing but harass and badger since my husband and I became serious and it escalated when we recently got married. We have sent a letter to cease and desist which she just sent a reply asking for what statutes shes breaking etc. We have gone to the police and they basically said until she does something violent or damaging they can do nothing. We have been advised by our lawyer to not respond to anything. Which we don't. She is now demanding information about whether my husband has claimed the son on income tax etc (obviously since he has always claimed and paid) She is threatening if we do not answer her she is going to have him audited. So be it. We just want no contact with this spiteful and ugly person. He is getting emails, texts, cell phone calls and messages, work phone calls and messages. Any advice on where to go from here? There is nothing more he could possibly do for his son. She pays nothing! To the point where she was away and called to check if my husband had dropped of new cc and bought groceries for the son because she was stuck over night and couldnt make it home. She hadnt heard from the son all day and said if my husband didnt not reply to her calls her next step was to call police to check on the son and she would tel them my husband was neglegent and unwilling to help. My husband had done all the things he was supposed to but would not reply to her because we are having no contact. Advice please
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:09 PM
firhill firhill is offline
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Advice please
Ignore her.

I'm assuming the son has a car to get around. If so, when and how does the ex even make contact with your husband?
  #3  
Old 01-04-2013, 01:49 PM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Originally Posted by thebtr1 View Post
So brief background. My husband has been divorced for 9 years. Child has lived solely with him for last 3 years. Son is now 19. My husband has paid and continues to pay EVERY expense for son.
Son currently is in University living with mother. My husband is paying all schooling expenses. Son has credit card for all incedentals he may need including food clothes etc. My husband is also paying the mother $350 a month in rent (which she calls expenses water hydro and internet). The mother has done nothing but harass and badger since my husband and I became serious and it escalated when we recently got married. We have sent a letter to cease and desist which she just sent a reply asking for what statutes shes breaking etc. We have gone to the police and they basically said until she does something violent or damaging they can do nothing. We have been advised by our lawyer to not respond to anything. Which we don't. She is now demanding information about whether my husband has claimed the son on income tax etc (obviously since he has always claimed and paid) She is threatening if we do not answer her she is going to have him audited. So be it. We just want no contact with this spiteful and ugly person. He is getting emails, texts, cell phone calls and messages, work phone calls and messages. Any advice on where to go from here? There is nothing more he could possibly do for his son. She pays nothing! To the point where she was away and called to check if my husband had dropped of new cc and bought groceries for the son because she was stuck over night and couldnt make it home. She hadnt heard from the son all day and said if my husband didnt not reply to her calls her next step was to call police to check on the son and she would tel them my husband was neglegent and unwilling to help. My husband had done all the things he was supposed to but would not reply to her because we are having no contact. Advice please
All you can do is ignore it.

Try blocking her email, cell number, land-line, everything.

I think Mess can tell you a specific app that apparently works very well for cell phones. You can file a police report (sounds like you called - but did you insist on filing a report?) and then use that report to contact Bell and have them block her number.

You could attend court, and speak to th Justice of the Peace as to having a restraining order/peace bond placed on her - but there are spefic requirements for that and from what you've said it won't qualify. I would go speak to one anyway, if only to see what they have to say about it.

I am curious to know why you posted in the "Financial" board?

Last edited by wretchedotis; 01-04-2013 at 01:51 PM.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:06 PM
thebtr1 thebtr1 is offline
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Son has no license or desire to get one. He has bus pass and mother to drive. My husband meets him when they are shopping or having lunch and will drive him home if the ex isnt there.
She is contacting my husband by email, text, cell phone calls and messages as well as now calling his work and leaving messages there.
The contact is never just son related straight to the point contact it is insulting of our house, wedding, him, my children name calling and insults etc. It is ugly and childish. Anything that is required to be addressed concerning the son he addresses with the son and makes no contact with her. Yet it is constant. It has been a year or more of this and it is not declining. She has shown up at our house twice to pick up the son when told not to that he would be taken to a neutral location. We have young children at home that we are trying to protect. She has said the children are not her concern and she will do what she wants. At that point the son yelled for her to get back in the car. We never came out of the house.
She has shown up at a private party put on by one of our friends over the holiday season. She wasent invited but came with an invited guest. We fortunately did not attend as I was sick and my husband had to work. The escalation is starting to become troblesome.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:11 PM
thebtr1 thebtr1 is offline
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I posted because all the harassment is based on financial obligation. I was curiuos also about the financial obligations at this point and how she bases all threats on financial matters. My husband pays for everything!! What does he really have to legally pay? And is there any legal ground for her? She threatens lawsuits constantly
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:26 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Reply only to the stuff relating to the child and be to the point. Keep it to yes or no answers as much as possible.

She cannot "have" someone audited. Should she call the CRA, and they ask her why she believes her information is correct or where she obtained and, and she mentions she is the ex-wife, they will likely tell her to please go away as they don't want to get into the middle of domestic issues or be drawn into the nuttiness.

As for the insults and stuff, you can't change stupid. You can't force her to be a good person or like you. All you can do is ignore it and move on. It serves no purpose getting drawn into a match with crazy, because no wins.

She can say all she wants. It is sticks and stones BS. You don't have to like it, and you can request she cease and desist from making disparaging comments. But you can't stop her.

About the only thing you can do is tell her that you will only reply to messages that relate to the child, and only if they are not demeaning or disparaging. Should she feel the need for insults, that she speak to one of her hens, as you are no long willing to entertain them.

Edit - should she show up at your house, you send her an email, followed by registered mail advising her that she is not welcome at your house or property. That in future, all exchanges will be done at a neutral location, like the nearest police station. That any further invasion by her on your property will be deemed trespassing and you will notify the proper authorities.

Last edited by HammerDad; 01-04-2013 at 02:28 PM.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:44 PM
thebtr1 thebtr1 is offline
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Thank you this is certainly what I thought but I wanted an outside opinion. Last threat was that if there was no reply by yesterday she was contacting CRA. If one parent claims the child each year on their taxes and the other parent doesnt file for 3 years then files and also claims the child does CRA just refuse 2nd parents claim as child has already been claimed or is it refused to both parents? This is the current CRA issue. She is only now filing for the last 3 years and is apparently looking to claim the son.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:12 PM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Originally Posted by thebtr1 View Post
Thank you this is certainly what I thought but I wanted an outside opinion. Last threat was that if there was no reply by yesterday she was contacting CRA. If one parent claims the child each year on their taxes and the other parent doesnt file for 3 years then files and also claims the child does CRA just refuse 2nd parents claim as child has already been claimed or is it refused to both parents? This is the current CRA issue. She is only now filing for the last 3 years and is apparently looking to claim the son.
I think the CRA disqualifies both claims if both parents claim. So no one gets it.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:43 PM
thebtr1 thebtr1 is offline
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I think the CRA disqualifies both claims if both parents claim. So no one gets it.
So will they then reassess the first parent? The first parent has filed his taxes every year and she is only now filing for the last 3.
  #10  
Old 01-04-2013, 04:09 PM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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No one gets it.

Yes, they will re-assess.

CRA is a dinosaur and this particular rule is especially mean spirited since it's based on the assumption divorced parents will cooperate, but gives each of them the option to stick it to the other parent for a few thousand bucks every year.

Something that HC divorced parents love to do unfortunately...
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