Is it hopeless? First case conference gone wrong....any advice is appreciated

[exceptiontotherules]

While I can appreciate the various positions and feelings out there, the first responses to my post were more of what I was looking for in experience with actual cases and the specific areas that came up in our conference. I know many other people out there are in similar situations. I will say, we never thought of taping conversations though, that’s brilliant!
Unfortunately, my bf was let go from his job today and we don’t know how in the world he is going to survive let alone support his kids. I am hoping the legal aid thing will sort it self out now. Does anyone know – do they look at your T4 from last year or what he’ll be making on unemployment?
I am trying to remain optimistic. Thanks again to those who posted.

[exsliketolie]

It is funny... I read this posting and it comes from the gf's point of view. From the case conference that I had with my ex husband recently it was myself, judge and the ex that was in the court room along with the regular staff. His girlfriend was not in there at all. So, it really is from one side on what a lawyer and judge said... your bf's opinion on how the other lawyer reacted. To be able to sit and make your own opinions to what was said in the courtroom is hard as you were not physically there.

As for suddenly being laid off.. you would receive a form for EI and that would have to be provided to the courts to prove it. On that form it will state whether laid off, quit, fired.... whatever the reason for the termination was.

Judges are not blind to the situations. They have done this for many years and do look at both sides. It is unfortunate that your bf came out on the wrong end but obviously the judge saw through what he was saying or his lawyer was saying and felt he was in the wrong. I will assume that the judge made suggestions that could be done and not to go through with a trial... if he was a smart man he should consider them and take into consideration what others have said in their replies to your post. ie...going to court and costing 10000s of dollars. Why would anyone not take the suggestions of a judge and work with that? Why would anyone want to drag a court ordeal out and having to keep hurting the ones that matter in the situation..the children.. all of them!

With the separation agreement.. was this filed in court? Witnessed in front of a notary public? If not then a judge will say he does not care about it! This is not a legal documentation. He follows it to a tee? So with the supposively decrease in his income he has not changed the amount he is paying? He did not waiver from the separation agreement that he so adamantly wants to follow?

You state 15 months and still trying to get Spousal support? Is there a reason to that? Was it anything to do with lawyers not willing to set up a date for conferences months ago? This was not something new thrown at him recently... was it? This was something that has been on the table since he left correct??? Just curious as why would it be something new.... usually this is not just pulled out of the air one day and saying "hey, I can get spousal support too"!!

When you marry someone with children and live together for 8 years.. or less most husbands take on the responsiblity of the children especially when other fathers are not in the picture. I will take it that other fathers were not in the picture? What man would marry someone and just ignore the other kids? If you were in that situation and married someone that had other kids would you want them to just ignore them? Would you ignore your bf's children? So after that long of a period then why would a court not expect him to pay support for them? Did your bf claim them on his income tax? Did he have them on his benefits at work? Did he have a life insurance policies with their names on it? That would show that he took full responsiblity to them and that he should be paying support for them?

His ex wife.. or future ex wife... she stayed home to care for the children? It appears that was the wishes of both parties that she stay home and care for the children. What did the ex wife give up when she married your bf? Was she employed or going to school at the time of marriage? Who supported who in the beginning? It is not all black and white and being the girlfriend in the situation I don't think all the information of the last 9 years may have been given to you which makes trying to find out how a case conference or settlement conference is going to turn out.

[purpleheather]

Standing on the side lines:
: For 18 months with a 2 year old and 2 others under 10, I to managed without SS. Managing is one thing …having cut of notices from the utilities, and constantly trying to keep the bills up to date is another. When you have to borrow from friends and family to pay a hydro bill, or a phone bill or put gas in your car it is pure survival. Making a choice between paying rent or buying food and when you can’t buy food not to mention the embarrassment of having to go to a food bank to put food in your kid’s mouths. When you pray every day that nothing breaks down, because you cant afford to replace it. . So yes, for me for now SS has made the difference between merely surviving and managing to upkeep my home and my family’s needs are met. Less worry about cut of notices and where the next meal is coming from. The reason for the delay is puely at the mercy of the lawyers and the court schedual. There is always the other side of the story

[purpleheather]

While taping conversation without the knowledge of the other party may be legal in Ontario…..but using said tapes or conversations to entrap someone that does not know they are being taped is not legal it is an infringement on the privacy of the other person. A taped conversation say telephone would also have to be backed up by fact and witnessed that it is a true conversation. My ex tried the same thing taping conversations, he tried to have the conversation transcribe and enhanced, which then made it not an original from an original source. He was told that it could not be used as it was not the original recording and at any time during his effort to have it audiably enhanced it could have been tampered with.

[independentgal]

On consent of both parties, other people besides the judge, transcription person, and the exs and their lawyers can be present in the room.

At our first case conference one of my parents came with me and my ex had several people with him(girlfriend, two neighbours, and one of MY disgruntled family members). I had to listen to them mutter and make snide comments, sigh loudly, see them roll their eyes, laugh out loud etc.

At the trial management conference, I came alone fully prepared to refuse entry of my ex's "peanut gallery". It was a small satisfaction when the clerk asked the judge if he would grant permission to allow the Respondent's girlfriend, the judge looked at me, I shook my head and he said, "Nope."

After that though it was adjourned, but I highly recommend that you go in alone(or with your lawyer) and make sure that you request any extras to leave(it is in the Rules for a reason).

[exceptiontotherules]

I don't know what happened in your case and it’s really none of my business. I have enough problems and issues of my own to deal with. I don’t think it is fair that you assume I wasn’t there when I sat with his parents and she had her sister and mother with her under consent.

I sense alot of hostility in your response towards me and I am not quite sure why. While I am a gf in a similar situation, you don’t know me or my circumstances. You can have your own opinion but I thought this forum was supposed to be open for legal questions and answers, not for someone to take their frustrations out on others. I understand you are probably going thorugh alot right now and that is why you responded the way you did but by the sounds of it so are alot of people on this site.
<O
I would like to thank everyone again that has helped me in this difficult time, if I have any questions in the future I will start a new post.

[Dooly]

If you choose to record conversations be EXTREMELY carefull. My cousin got arrested for recording phone calls, now he has to deal with a criminal charge as well as divorce issues. I would suggest that if you choose to record something let the other party know you are doing it, then see how the conversation goes. It could save you alot of unnessesary headaches in the end.

my 2 cents

[ScaredandConfused]

I wish I could say this will work out, I have 50/50 access, joint custody and no primary caregiver identified. I was ordered to pay 1200 per month at a case conference although my ex hasn't even filed a Financial statement and provided bank statements that she was recieiving 6K per month from wealthy family. Court doesn't recongize wealth only tax and pay stubs if the money is a gift. My church is helping during Christmas but at the end of the day, my children and I will be evicted in Jan / Feb and I will be forced to give my children to my ex through attrition.