Not sure what the next step is-child over 18 not in school

[rockscan]

Then maybe you need to sit down with your daughter and ask her what she wants to do/be. Then talk about making that happen. She is probably in a difficult position living in that house catering to her mother. And when she tells you, you email your ex and you tell her IN WRITING that you both owe it to your daughter to help her achieve her dreams. That working together fairly and with her interests in mind will go far. Your ex sounds content to pull the poor me card because shes got days to herself, free child care and free money. She isnt being fair to her kids either. Maybe your daughter likes it because she doesnt have to have a job or maybe shes being controlled by her mother. Either way you are paying what you dont owe and being treated like the bad guy for saying something about it. Talk to your daughter too and see if there is a way to get through to her. If there isnt then she will need to figure it out on her own.

Some people are content to be the victim and let everyone else think they are the reason their life sucks. At some point we all have to grow up and realize we are the ones in charge of our decisions and if we continue to make bad ones, we suffer. Your ex is hurting her kids as a result and you could possibly be the catalyst that your daughter needs to change her life for the better.

[LifeisLife]

You are correct, and that's what we had done. I have talked to my daughter, know what she wants to do, and asked her and made suggestions for the whole situation for her to become free. She seems very guarded and supportive of her mom. I never complain to her about my problems, but her mom has always been the poor victim. My daughter been her servant in her games for years. Just recently she stopped sending my daughter along with her little sis to sis's dad. This happened till her sis was about 5. They both claimed that the little girl wasn't feeling comfortable to go on her own. On some ocassions she brought her sis to our house cause she was babysitting during weekend, and could only come with her.

It's concerning, but scary thing is she doesn't blame the mom. Even she brought up that her mom needs money and needs the cs.

The reason I thread very carefully is because over the years we had on/off relationship where mom alienated her from me for reasons that are ridiculous. Now it seems ok as long as it's not the question of money.

So you are right. She is a big girl now and hopefully she will make the right decisions.

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[rockscan]

My mother did the same thing. She also demanded we stay with her and pay her way well into our 20s when most kids are leading their own lives. We all saw it and struck out on our own and my mother still resents and blames us. Your daughter has to make the decision to do whats best for her not her mother. Your ex is doing her child a disservice. I bet your ex is much more resilient than she lets on and if her daughter was able to spread her wings she would survive and figure out her options. Shes being unfair to her kids. As long as you provide emotional support and financial support where needed for your daughter to move forward, you will be ok. She may be angry and resent you for a bit but she will also grow the backbone she needs to demand some freedom from her mother.

[LifeisLife]

I hope she will see her situation that way and break free of her mom's problem life.

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[rockscan]

Im not a lawyer but my original advise stands. Contact FRO about stopping the payments. Then advise your ex in writing that as your daughter is not in school and over the age of 18 you will begin the process to cease support payments. Remind her of the agreement you have and that should it end up in court you will seek costs. Add that once your daughter is enrolled full time in a post secondary institution you will revisit cs payments and your portion of the expenses.

And file the motion to change. The mtc takes months but FRO will be working to stop the payments or withhold them. Might light a fire under both of them to smarten up.

[LifeisLife]

Thanks rockscan for all the help. I have printed out that form today filled it out and faxed it to FRO. So should I follow up with fro on the progress or do they update me on the progress once they contact her?

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[rockscan]

I would call and speak to your caseworker to make sure. Just confirm what the next steps are and if they need anything else. Then youve got it logged in your files.

[paris]

Filling out the form was the best step. Call your worker, and any payments taken off for the time being will be held by them. If she doesn't dispute the form they will send you a cheque for the money they've held.

When my husband sent his in Mom didn't even respond. She knew she had no right to the CS any more.

[LifeisLife]

Ok will do that. Thanks

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[LifeisLife]

Filling out the form was the best step. Call your worker, and any payments taken off for the time being will be held by them. If she doesn't dispute the form they will send you a cheque for the money they've held.

When my husband sent his in Mom didn't even respond. She knew she had no right to the CS any more.

So I still make the payments? will they hold the payments? Or until they hear from her I don't make the payments? I just know that if they pay her, I will never get that money back. From what I understand even the fro is not very effective in enforcing the repayment back from recepients.

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[paris]

In my husband's case he stopped making the payments (they told him too). He paid them online, but already had an overpayment that they held onto for him. But if yours are deducted from your pay, they will continue to deduct until it's resolved. That's why you call your case worker. So they'll hold the funds for you.

[LifeisLife]

Ok thanks paris!

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