Xmas time split

[dinkyface]

Our court order reads that the xmas period is split 50-50 (alternating first/last), and is based on the vacation period defined by our school board. This year that means Mon Dec 20 thru Fri Dec 31 (12 days). Which means the halfway mark is the morning of Dec 26.

It seems odd because one parent gets the entire week before xmas (which is not really a holiday-ish period), and the other parent gets the xmas break itself (but not xmas day itself) .

I realise that each year the dates will shift around, resulting in different splits.

Is this a typical method for splitting xmas? Do others use this rule? I just sent email confirming xmas dates (as per court order), and my ex has responded indicated unwillingness to follow the rule this year. Am hoping she just needs someone to 'help' her read the order.)

[frustratedwithex]

For Christmas we do the following, (when ex wants to).

Dec.24 from 12 noon to Dec 25 4pm(or 12pm) what ever works.

Dec. 25 from 4pm to Dec. 26 4pm

If New Years is important to you, it could be split the same way.

Then the rest of the holidays are split or alternated each year. If one of you wants to go away with the kids, then you should negotiate alternate years.

My kids are older so this shouldn't always be an issue. However, I am surprised that they want things to be the same as always.

The first year the ex. was included for Christmas eve dinner and church, Christmas morning into the afternoon, at the request of the kids.

The kids asked if we could do the same last year, but my ex. said he refused to be in the same room as me. So I did Christmas eve on the 23 and had the kids overnight (it was his week with them), and Christmas dinner on the 24, they went back to his place after dinner on the 24.

In the end it is just a day, and I told my kids, we can make it any day we want.

[dinkyface]

Ex is still refusing to communicate on this.

I opened the issue 3 weeks ago, just expecting this to be a confirmation of what is in our court order. After her initial response ('You are wrong'), she has not responsed to my second email identifying the relevant lines in the court order, or to my third email 10 days later asking for a response.

She has the first half of xmas this year, and will be travelling out of town (5 hour drive, rural area), so I'm scared she will just not come back when she's supposed to. Actually, I have no idea what dates she thinks she is entitled to, she won't say.

Any ideas... other than court?

And if I go to court, what should I ask for - police enforcement if she does not personally confirm that she will return on the expected date? She has played the 'I won't tell you till the last minute and then I will behave game' a few times already - on issues that are clearly defined in our court order.

[billiechic]

So she has not violated the order yet, but she leaves you hanging to find out whether you'll get the kids?

I don't know if you want to try for an emergency motion over this. You have an order, and there is no proof that she isn't going to cooperate (well, the first response, but it doesn't detail anything).

I would send a final email. Type out the exact wording of the order and let her know that if she doesn't respond that you will be picking the kids up at the time and place in the order. If she doesn't like it she can try to work it out, or take it back to court herself. An order is an order.

You could also indicate that if there is an alternate schedule she would like you to consider for this year, that she should respond by X date. Make sure you have at least 2 weeks after that date in case you need to negotiate back and forth. But only do that if you are really willing to change things.

[Pharah]

For the last few years my ex and I have alternated Christmas holidays. This year, as per the OCL, my ex and I have agreed to the first week, second week, with the switch day being Friday (Christmas Eve) at 6:00pm. My son will be with me from Friday December 17th, until Christmas eve at 6:00pm. Then he will be with this Mom until New Years Eve.

In my case the alternating year works best. Last year my ex asked to have our son for a few hours Christmas eve, which ended in a mess, with their lack of co-operation on times and travelling, I didn't get home with my son until after midnight. Not a very good Christmas eve for the rest of my Family.

[dinkyface]

I would send a final email. Type out the exact wording of the order and let her know that if she doesn't respond that you will be picking the kids up at the time and place in the order.

You could also indicate that if there is an alternate schedule she would like you to consider for this year, that she should respond by X date.

My initial email included an offer to adjust the dates (she works in retail, so possibly may have difficulty getting time off during all of her time allotted).

I already quoted the court order to her in my email.

Our court ordered exchange location is local (we live 5 mins apart), but the problem is they will be out of town, so I would have to drive 5 hours (and possibly crossing paths on the highway!!!) to do the pickup.

Our order says the school board holiday period will be split i.e. Mon Dec 20 thru Fri Dec 31 - 12 days - which means that the handover will be on the morning of the 26th (she gets xmas day).

It's almost like she is daring me to take it to court....

[tugofwar]

So, some MEN actually do care about holidays? Care about seeing their children?..... see DTTE lol thought so.

[dadtotheend]

I told you I care. It just isn't priority one in settlement of custody and access

[Pharah]

Right and it often creates huge conflict. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time for your children, not a time when they are goggled back and forth so that Mommy or Daddy doesn't miss their time with them. My son finds it very disruptive not knowing that his schedule is, so I try to keep it simple.

[Mess]

I totally care, but my ex has 2 sisters with kids too and they have inlaws. Their tradition has been to get together to celebrate on Boxing day so I get them every Xmas eve and day and there's never been an issue.

[dadtotheend]

I think the parents attach far more importance to it than the kids, especially kids under 4. This is more about the parent's emotional needs than the kids, even for kids over 3.

I'm not saying it isn't important - it most definitely is. But whose interests are being best served by Christmas access? Not the kids. They love both parents.

Just ask any family law lawyer. They will tell you that they are REALLY busy at this time of year leading right up to Christmas dealing with "emergency" access motions about holiday time.

The height of immaturity if you ask me, pissing away thousands of dollars over a few hours of access time.

[dinkyface]

So, DTTE... what's your suggestion? At the moment I have no idea when to pick up. Just put any xmas turkey/visiting plans on hold and hope that eventually she will let me know when she feels like doing an xmas handover?

[tugofwar]

Why don't you try figuring out the schedule now and that gives enough time to prepare and work on a schedule that works for everyone.

[dinkyface]

Tug, sorry, not sure I understand your suggestion. I should guess at some alternate schedule, and see if she likes it? She has refused already to respond to my offer to alter the schedule. I was expecting that by opening up the issue 3 weeks ago, that would give lots of time to work something out.

[tugofwar]

It depends on the wording. Did you try to explain why you thought the schedule set forth is not the best for everyone? Explain you are just trying to work a schedule that is beneficial to everyone. I don't know the distance between both houses, try offering something that works for everyone. That's really all you can do.