Right of first refusal

[CCB]

If your ex was pregnant with his or her new partner and there were complications that resulted in them ending up in the hospital for an extended stay, would you expect the kids to be transferred to your care, or would you be let them remain in CP home to be cared for by their step-mother/father in the CP absence?

And you had a right of refusal clause in your SA that provided after 3 days, the kids go to the other parent?

This might be one of those pick your battle scenarios, but sometimes it takes an objective opinion to realize it!

[May_May]

Why don't you approach your ex, or step-parent calmly and showing concern...that you would understand how worried they would be with xxxx being in the hospital. Why don't you let me look after our kids, as it's in the SA agreement...and you really would like to help out. That might be a better way to get your kids ? attraction with honey ?

I agree completely-I'd want our children with me if something happened to the OP.

[AngieJ]

I agree with May_May, approach them as if you are offering to do them a favour and take the kids off their hands while they are dealing with these complications.

It would be one less thing for them to worry about.

Good luck

Angie

[blinkandimgone]

Why don't you approach your ex, or step-parent calmly and showing concern...that you would understand how worried they would be with xxxx being in the hospital. Why don't you let me look after our kids, as it's in the SA agreement...and you really would like to help out. That might be a better way to get your kids ? attraction with honey ?

I agree completely-I'd want our children with me if something happened to the OP.

I disagree with the asking for the ex to 'let' you look after the kids. IMO, it sets the tone that the other parent has the right to dictate when to give or take time with the kids.

I do agree with more honey thna vinegar however would also let it be know that I expect the children would be with me since she will clearly be in no position to care for them during that time.

[CCB]

Thanks guys, it's a really touchy subject, as the ex is extremely defensive and never seems to think she has to play by the rules.

She wouldn't even tell my husband if she ended up in the hospital, the only way we would know is if the kids told us.

I was thinking he should send her a gentle reminder, but I don't know?

[standing on the sidelines]

also make sure that he states he is not tryng anything fishy like trying to use it to gain sole custody of the kids. State to her that once she is out of the hospital and feels ready, the kids go back to the normal routine. Also I would mention to her that he will bring the kids to the hospital regualarly for visits if its allowed.

[Tayken]

Thanks guys, it's a really touchy subject, as the ex is extremely defensive and never seems to think she has to play by the rules.

She wouldn't even tell my husband if she ended up in the hospital, the only way we would know is if the kids told us.

I was thinking he should send her a gentle reminder, but I don't know?

Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Excellent article about RoFR and why it may be a bad idea. Gary Direnfeld has a lot of excellent articles about high-conflict divorce and parenting after divorce on his website.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[CCB]

Thanks for the tip, I will have a look at his website. I used to watch Newlywed, Nearly Dead LOL.

My husband currently has an application in with the courts to increase his access time by 2 days a month. So I know that even a gentle reminder from him will set her off.

[CycleDad]

Well in my situation being nice got me nowhere and actually was worst for the kids. She even claims that I am a good parent but at every oportunity tries to find other care providers or asks for a switch only. In your situation it does not seem any different, I mean she picked her parents over you so unless your unfit parent, I say put in a motion for contempt and ask for makup time. A SA is there for a reason. Perhaps ask for a few days extra a month to replace the RoFR clause that obviously is not being followed.

Can you tell I've had enough of my SBTX? Happy St. Patty's Day!

[CCB]

It's definitely damned if you do, damned if you don't. If she wasn't so alienating toward my husband, I think we could say no big deal, the kids step-father can look after them while she is in the hospital. But after everything that she has done...I don't know...

I never thought about asking for make up days, I'll have to mention that to my husband.