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Old 11-25-2011, 01:09 PM
scarycheri scarycheri is offline
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Default It's like a soap opera

Ok so I'll try to keep this simple. I need some opinions for peace of mind.

I am married to a man who had a child out of wedlock as a teenager. They were never married. Their daughter is 9yrs old & they have been apart for 7 yrs.

The baby mama created a lot of problems for us when my husband and I started dating. She made of point of re-kindling relationships with his mom, dad, grandparents on both side as well as his best friend. She used their daughter as an excuse to contact them. The idea was to pressure him through them to get rid of me. She had people spying on us on Facebook & told us she had hacked into our accounts. It didn't work and we have been married for 4 yrs now. There were a few casualties along the way. He almost lost his relationship with his mom but we were able to fix that. She now sees how she was being used and cut ties with the baby mama. His best friend was lost for good unfortunately due to his wife.

Anyway, the baby mama is finally dating someone serious which has been great for us as she has been much easier to deal with. The problem is she is dating someone who we know. We knew this guy when he was married to someone else. Baby mama & this guy shacked up & shortly afterwards decided to go to court for full custody of his daughter. The mother of this child has contacted us recently for information about visitation & vacation. She is representing herself in the court case & was just looking for info. Well we emailed her a copy of vacation notice sent to baby mama as well as shared their custody order back in August.

A week ago, a few days before the case was to be heard my husband was cornered by his baby mama about this email. Of course he admitted that we gave it to her boyfriends ex. She got upset & said it was private information & did not want it shared with anyone. I was also asked by the mom for help filling out her case brief has I have some experience with this which I did.

This past Monday a case conference was held. The boyfriend threatened the mother, after he lost in court, with being sued by my husbands baby mama if she continues to be involved with us. He made her aware that he knew about the email that we sent her about visitation. The only way he could know is if he was into her email. Not sure what she can sue for. The baby mama knew when she started dating her boyfriend that he was connected to us. Would she have a case? Mu husband is concerned that the baby mama may cause issues with his visitation. Their order is old and very vague. Any thoughts?
  #2  
Old 11-25-2011, 01:59 PM
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MiViLaLoco MiViLaLoco is offline
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I'm far from an expert on this...and other more knowledgeable people may correct or add to this.

1. Threat of being sued... No real case. The "baby mama" may not like it, but really it has absolutely nothing to do with her. It would be her "ex" that would have to sue. Or...she would have to sue your hubby. Plus, there was more than likely no "confidentiality agreement" signed along with a separation agreement...or such clause in the agreement. They are just blowing hot air. If they do manage to find a lawyer to handle this (out of family court) your friend could probably self-represent and get all costs awarded as there was no "expectation of confidentiality" between the "baby mama" and your hubby.

2. Issues with visitation. I would think, regardless of how their agreement is worded that by this time status quo would take precidence. Just document, document, document and refuse to be bullied into less, or different, access than you have at the moment. Period. If it does become an issue, then you have lots of back-up proof, to go after custody yourself due to the other parent being uncooperative and unwilling to foster a relationship between the child and father.
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Old 11-25-2011, 03:01 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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You and your husband, his ex and BF, and the BF's ex are free to associate with whomever you want.

What possible damages could they seek? Should they try, she should simply ask for the case to be dismissed as it is without merit and unconstitutional - ie. freedom of association.
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Old 11-25-2011, 03:16 PM
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mcdreamy mcdreamy is offline
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Quote:
As I said before, I dont butt in with issues regarding my step-daughter. It isnt my place. I have offered my husband's ex help in regards to picking up and dropping off and she has refused the offer. I respect that after all she is my step-daughters mom.

In regards to my current husbands involvment. I do not ask him to get involved in things that are between myself and my ex. I dont ask him to call my ex to make arrangments nor does he act as a liason. It isnt his place.
^^ this is what you have posted in the past about entering into someone else's relationship.

What did you hope to achieve by providing a 3rd party with such personal information? It wouldn't take a genius to predict what the reaction would be, once discovered.

Yes, there is more than likely no legal consequence, however I suspect your actions have damaged the relationship between the two co-parents, and there will be repercussions in the future.
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Old 11-25-2011, 03:35 PM
scarycheri scarycheri is offline
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It is true, I don't get involved with things regarding my husbands ex. When the mom called and asked for the information regarding visitation it was my husband who instructed me to go ahead and email her the info. She is a long time friend of his family. He feels that the info provided is not personal nor confidential. When he has vacation with his daughter or his access schedule are not a secret. There are numerous people she could have called instead to get the info. My guess is she didn't want to be sneaky by asking others and called my husband directly.
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Old 11-25-2011, 03:39 PM
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Their custody agreement is a joke. It's less than two pages long and covers mere basics. There is definitely no confidentiality clause in the agreement.
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Old 11-25-2011, 03:45 PM
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We would never seek custody of step-daughter. Although we don't like the way she is being raised, the baby mama is providing her the basics in life. Most of our issues are moral parenting issues. She has a high paying job, owns a home & on the outside looks good. She is a great liar too. It would be very hard to prove otherwise. It would be a waste of time & money to even bother trying. We just make the most of the time she has at our home & hope that the affects of our efforts are lasting.
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Old 11-25-2011, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
^^ this is what you have posted in the past about entering into someone else's relationship.

What did you hope to achieve by providing a 3rd party with such personal information? It wouldn't take a genius to predict what the reaction would be, once discovered.

Yes, there is more than likely no legal consequence, however I suspect your actions have damaged the relationship between the two co-parents, and there will be repercussions in the future.
It is true, I don't get involved with things regarding my husbands ex. When the mom called and asked for the information regarding visitation it was my husband who instructed me to go ahead and email her the info. She is a long time friend of his family. He feels that the info provided is not personal nor confidential. When he has vacation with his daughter or his access schedule are not a secret. There are numerous people she could have called instead to get the info. My guess is she didn't want to be sneaky by asking others and called my husband directly. As for the co-parenting....there is not such thing in their relationship. She uses her custody to maintain and dictatorship. It's her way or no way. She makes changes at her whim & keeps him out of every decision. She calls the shots right down to removing the tiny hoop earrings we bought for her to wear. The only peace we had was that she wasn't on a mission to remove me from the picture. I have had no contact with her in 4 yrs. I haven't even seen her.
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Old 11-25-2011, 04:40 PM
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If they wanted information kept confidential then they should have kept the information to themselves.

You never signed a non-disclosure agreement. You are free to share the email with anone you choose. You may publish a book of emails if you choose.

They, however, are under no obligation to like you anymore or want anything to do with you.
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Old 11-25-2011, 04:50 PM
scarycheri scarycheri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
If they wanted information kept confidential then they should have kept the information to themselves.

You never signed a non-disclosure agreement. You are free to share the email with anyone you choose. You may publish a book of emails if you choose.

They, however, are under no obligation to like you anymore or want anything to do with you.
lol yeah whether any of this happened or not "liking" me was never in the cards. I'm not worried about that. My goal in life is to be a good parent/person not to be popular.
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