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Sporting Events on Non Custodial parents weekend.

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  • Sporting Events on Non Custodial parents weekend.

    Hi All,

    Do you attend your children’s activities on the other parents time?

    Is your child allowed to speak to you or come near you when it’s the other parents time at these activities?

    If your child was hurt and crying is it interfering on the other parents time to go to your child to see if they are ok and comfort them?

    My child was trying to wave down his parent and they were no where to be found. So I went to my kid to see if he was ok and what he needed. After the practise I went down to change room to let other parent know our child needed an adjustment to his equipment. Am I overstepping ?

    I was only trying to make sure the equipment I had purchased was being used correctly and showing needed adjustments.


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  • #2
    I am a grandparent. I attend all the events that my grandchild has. I talk to my grandchild in front of the parent that is not my child. I give my grandchild kisses and hugs when they score a goal, I make sure that my grandchild has there shoe laces tied on the field. If the parent who has him on that particular day does not like that I make contact with my grandchild they can make a scene all they want. Eg: your child is in the hospital for two weeks do you visit your child on your days only and he on his days only. You are not overstepping anything tell them to take it up with there lawyer to send you a letter lets see how stupid they will look. Give your child all the attention they need when you are attending an event, bring friends along with you to show how proud you are. Make your ex feel like a _______. (Fill in the blank)

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    • #3
      Thank you for the validation!! Any time I go near my child at said events I am accused quite heavily of interfering on other parents time. And my children are repeatedly told to not go near me while I am at these events.

      And to be quite honest it’s to the point I’m afraid now to go near them in fear of retaliation.

      I tended to my child who was upset and in pain. Tried to speak to the other parent to explain what equipment adjustment was needed. 1 hour later I get a viscous email with lies saying I assaulted the other parent in the change room and that now my child and other parents step child are terrified of me. That my partner (who was standing in the hallway away from us) was intimidating and scary and his use of force was not necessary. Of course I am afraid now they will bring this email to court. My only response the ridiculous accusations were that my partner and I disagreed with their version of events and that we would continue to support the emotional and physical needs of our child when it was warranted.


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      • #4
        I believe you can have it written into your agreement that both parents are entitled to attend all school and sporting events.

        This way nothing can be said or complained about.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
          Do you attend your children’s activities on the other parents time?
          Of course, why would I not?

          My child was trying to wave down his parent and they were no where to be found. So I went to my kid to see if he was ok and what he needed.
          Seems reasonable. If a child is hurt you go and comfort them.

          After the practise I went down to change room to let other parent know our child needed an adjustment to his equipment. Am I overstepping ?
          Yes, I think this is overstepping. The change room stuff to me falls under "parenting activities", and unless you are invited I would not be intruding into that space.

          Helping your child with an injury overrides parenting time considerations. Adjusting equipment does not.

          I was only trying to make sure the equipment I had purchased was being used correctly and showing needed adjustments.
          "I had purchased"

          Yes, I'm going to adjust the previous paragraph to say "massively overstepping". Buying the equipment does not give you any special rights. The fact that you felt it was necessary to point out in the forum that you had bought the equipment shines a big bright spotlight on the likely attitude you brought into that change room.

          Others may disagree, and you can choose to listen to them, but the only thing you are going to get by helicoptering during the other parent's time is a world of acrimony and hurt that will eventually turn out poorly for your child.

          Watch the game, let your kid know you are there. That is sufficient. Let the other parent do the parenting.

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          • #6
            Sporting Events on Non Custodial parents weekend.

            Originally posted by Janus View Post
            Of course, why would I not?







            Seems reasonable. If a child is hurt you go and comfort them.







            Yes, I think this is overstepping. The change room stuff to me falls under "parenting activities", and unless you are invited I would not be intruding into that space.



            Helping your child with an injury overrides parenting time considerations. Adjusting equipment does not.







            "I had purchased"



            Yes, I'm going to adjust the previous paragraph to say "massively overstepping". Buying the equipment does not give you any special rights. The fact that you felt it was necessary to point out in the forum that you had bought the equipment shines a big bright spotlight on the likely attitude you brought into that change room.



            Others may disagree, and you can choose to listen to them, but the only thing you are going to get by helicoptering during the other parent's time is a world of acrimony and hurt that will eventually turn out poorly for your child.



            Watch the game, let your kid know you are there. That is sufficient. Let the other parent do the parenting.


            More Info Janus maybe will help. Maybe not. I was trying to be discrete. Child has orthotics in his shoes. Prescribed by a dr. Child’s feet were hurting and he could barely skate. Child had no issue previous week when Mom tied his skates. I went down to see if child had the insoles in his skates. He did not. So I tried to explain to dad(who refused to come to the orthotics appointment he was invited to) that he needed the insoles in his skates... as dad refuses to listen or follow dr’s recommendations. So since my son had to play another hockey game that weekend I wanted to make sure my sons feet were not going to hurt again. Dad couldn’t and wouldn’t even speak to me regarding this issue and how we could fix it so our son wasn’t in pain. Dads gf decided to be the hero the next day after his second game and went and purchased my son brand new skates. Took the expensive insoles I purchased and put them in the new skates. Completely wasted my money as I can’t return the other skates that would have been perfectly fine if dad would have just put the insoles in them and not tied them so right And I am the bad one who interfered? Ok. Just another note. I never go down to the change room on his time any other time. This was his first weekend with dad at hockey this year. If dad actually wants shared custody maybe he should try communicating and making a decision on his own rather than deferring to his gf each time because dad has no balls. My son had to sit and watch dad ignore his mother and cause conflict. When all I was trying to do is make sure my son was not going to be in pain again. Dad had his skates tied so tight his foot was blue. Thx.


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            Last edited by Mom 2 Two; 10-16-2018, 09:03 AM.

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            • #7
              How old is your son?

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              • #8
                10


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                • #9
                  Your boy is old enough to communicate what he needs directly, to Dad. Or he can adjust his own skates/orthotics. Teach him, and he can help Dad with it when needed.



                  It's apparent you and Dad don't get along, so don't get into each other's faces. Attend, and watch your kid on Dad's weekends. Be close enough, that kid can see you, and come say hi to you, and tell you about the game, and such...but yeah, if you don't get along with Dad, I wouldn't be following into the change room, to lecture on proper equipment use...especially if you're both on such bad terms, that you guys would accuse each other of assault?



                  When it's your weekend for skating/hockey with kid, be the bigger parent. One of you have to.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                    ...If dad actually wants shared custody maybe he should try communicating and making a decision on his own rather than deferring to his gf each time because dad has no balls...

                    This comment is ridiculous by the way. It really does sound like you guys need to smarten up, and put your kid first at such events.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks for the input. I always allow/encourage both my children to speak to dad on my time. My children just go to him. On dads time the children are not allowed anywhere near me. I am not able to go say hi.. or good game... it’s really sad. There was no lecture given. I tried to show and explain. My son tried to tell dad he needed the insoles and skates were too tight. Dad doesn’t listen. Which is why he skated over and waved me down while on the ice. I agree wasn’t best to go and try to speak to dad. But I tried to make things better for our child knowing he was in pain and as usual felt scared to speak up to his father for fear of getting in trouble.


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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                        This comment is ridiculous by the way. It really does sound like you guys need to smarten up, and put your kid first at such events.


                        Yes it is ridiculous for sure I agree. But it is the truth. Dad is not allowed by the gf to speak with me unless she is right beside him. She sent her daughter to accompany him to a change room. And she sat there and watched what went on. Ran back upstairs to her mother and reported her version of what she saw and heard.

                        Gf keeps sending me emails on behalf of dad asking for a three way meeting. Is it logical that I meet with my exhusband to discus our children with his gf? Nope don’t think so. I have asked for mediation several times. Unless she is part of it he refuses. Yes absolutely ridiculous.


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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                          Yes it is ridiculous for sure I agree. But it is the truth. Dad is not allowed by the gf to speak with me unless she is right beside him. She sent her daughter to accompany him to a change room. And she sat there and watched what went on. Ran back upstairs to her mother and reported her version of what she saw and heard.

                          Gf keeps sending me emails on behalf of dad asking for a three way meeting. Is it logical that I meet with my exhusband to discus our children with his gf? Nope don’t think so. I have asked for mediation several times. Unless she is part of it he refuses. Yes absolutely ridiculous.


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                          I get why it is hard to be forced to include someone else in your kids life. I can't imagine how hard as I have not been faced by the situation yet....however, is the gf regularly around the kids? does she enjoy is a good relationship with them?

                          My thinking is that anything that helps reduce the tension would probably be a good thing. If this gf is here for good- and everything you've written here would indicate she is...then wouldn't it make more sense to work with her?

                          Have you guys engaged in any family counseling?

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                          • #14
                            Sporting Events on Non Custodial parents weekend.

                            Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                            I get why it is hard to be forced to include someone else in your kids life. I can't imagine how hard as I have not been faced by the situation yet....however, is the gf regularly around the kids? does she enjoy is a good relationship with them?



                            My thinking is that anything that helps reduce the tension would probably be a good thing. If this gf is here for good- and everything you've written here would indicate she is...then wouldn't it make more sense to work with her?



                            Have you guys engaged in any family counseling?


                            Great advice. Been there done this....
                            I begged for family therapy before I started the court process. It was a process that would have included both our partners. Two separate therapists to hear both sides and work to get us all in the same page. I sent two requests for This with information contact names and cost. It went ignored. Previous to this. I went and had a two hour meeting with gf by myself. Every professional I have spoken to says this was a big no no as it completely takes dad out of the equation and makes him no longer accountable. That’s the whole problem. He is not held accountable for anything. I even would contact gf to enlist her help when a family therapist called dad 5 times to ask dad to join therapy with his son. Again I was told wrong. Don’t involve the gf.

                            Many times she says she will act as a go between for us. Is this not crazy? Yes it is. As each time something occurs she is unable to be impartial. Well of course!! She is his gf.

                            My son comes home upset because he watched said gf type the long nasty email to me and then called dad over to hit send. He says mom why is said gf emailing you? All I can say is it’s adult issues sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.

                            Gf is a lying sociopath who makes things up and is working very hard to alienate my children from me (which they accuse me of).

                            What mother (gf)tells her son to tell a 10 year old boy that his mother is sending his mother nasty texts? And says how rude his mother is to dad. My kids have to go their EOW and endure this bs. From 3 of her children.

                            Again all completely fabricated lies. I showed my son the chain of texts from dads gf. Nothing a child couldn’t see. There is no nasties. No swear words. Heck not even conflict or arguing. And the last text was from 6 months ago answering gfs question about drop off time. Yes we are in a big mess because dad can’t speak for himself and has completely given his power over to his gf who runs the show. And this is my 10 years old observations. He asked dad a question. He gets told to ask the gf.

                            I know not all step moms are like this. There are many amazing ones. She even started out to be one. But now for some reason she has lost it.


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                            Last edited by Mom 2 Two; 10-16-2018, 12:19 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                              Great advice. Been there done this....
                              I begged for family therapy before I started the court process. It was a process that would have included both our partners. Two separate therapists to hear both sides and work to get us all in the same page. I sent two requests for This with information contact names and cost. It went ignored. Previous to this. I went and had a two hour meeting with gf by myself. Every professional I have spoken to says this was a big no no as it completely takes dad out of the equation and makes him no longer accountable. That’s the whole problem. He is not held accountable for anything. I even would contact gf to enlist her help when a family therapist called dad 5 times to ask dad to join therapy with his son. Again I was told wrong. Don’t involve the gf.

                              Many times she says she will act as a go between for us. Is this not crazy? Yes it is. As each time something occurs she is unable to be impartial. Well of course!! She is his gf.

                              My son comes home upset because he watched said gf type the long nasty email to me and then called dad over to hit send. He says mom why is said gf emailing you? All I can say is it’s adult issues sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.

                              Gf is a lying sociopath who makes things up and is working very hard to alienate my children from me (which they accuse me of).

                              What mother (gf)tells her son to tell a 10 year old boy that his mother is sending his mother nasty texts? And says how rude his mother is to dad. My kids have to go their EOW and endure this bs. From 3 of her children.

                              Again all completely fabricated lies. I showed my son the chain of texts from dads gf. Nothing a child couldn’t see. There is no nasties. No swear words. Heck not even conflict or arguing. And the last text was from 6 months ago answering gfs question about drop off time. Yes we are in a big mess because dad can’t speak for himself and has completely given his power over to his gf who runs the show. And this is my 10 years old observations. He asked dad a question. He gets told to ask the gf.

                              I know not all step moms are like this. There are many amazing ones. She even started out to be one. But now for some reason she has lost it.


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                              this is brutal- and i can imagine it's doing a number on you as well as the kids to be in the middle of this.

                              I know you're not asking for advice specifically- but I've had the same type of fights you describe. I think, to some extent (from what I have read on here), we all have. If eight months of weekly therapy has taught me anything it is that you don't have to engage. Every small fight becomes a pissing contest. Those are the exact words from my therapist (she's brutally honest- and a bit crass sometimes. I love it)- she constantly reminds me to stop participating and/or starting the pissing contest, it does NOT matter who starts it. You can walk away.

                              Trying to prove you're right to your kid is useless. If you have the lion's share of the parenting time- I would just focus on your interaction with your son(s?). You cannot control or prove you're right. I'm so sorry they have to deal with this. I know from my situation- I hope to ensure that her home life with me is a calm one- free of contests. If she has to deal with bs from her dad (and believe me- I know it's coming...he already used to do it when we were married...like telling a one-year-old how her mother was bitch and lazy c*nt..and he bad mouthed me to my extended family unbeknownst to me)- but I digress- if/when she has to deal with this bs- I plan on making her home life with me peaceful and a safe haven.

                              It honestly sounds like you're engaging.

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