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  • Ex moving kids please help

    Hello to all,

    I am new to this forum but not new divorce and family law. This is my situation. I have been split since 2006, divorced 2009. Ex says I was harassing her and wanted TRO judge saw threw that!!! I have had regular visitation of my 2 daughters every Wednesday and every other weekend threw court order. EX has sole custody threw the advice of my $400 an hour lawyer. She has been always been on my case about me seeing the girls but threw court order she has no choice. This past few months my girls have expressed their wishes to live one week with their mom and one week with myself.

    So I made an appointment with my lawyer to get the ball rolling and to get more access. Two days before my lawyer appointment i get a letter stating she is moving to Ottawa and is cutting my access to less than half!!!

    How can I stop her from moving? She says she has a wonderful job oppurtunity and is buying a house. She told the kids they are moving and they started crying saying I will miss dad. I had them for last nite Wednesday access. They dont want to leave Toronto or me and the rest of the family.

    What do I do?

  • #2
    H There

    I am CP of two very young kids And still I have no right to move myself 5 hrs away with my kids.So I am sure you can stop the move.Considering her date of move you should bring an emergency/regular motion to stop this nuisance.
    Even if for some reasons(chances are negligible) like extremely good life style for the kids etc etc she is allowed to move then too you will have a reasonable order where you will get the whole summer vacation and any other breaks to compensate your weekly access.Also the access cost will be shared reasonably too

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes, stop it now with an emergeny court order.

      I doubt she will be able to move, which may mean that she may end up paying all the court costs, given that she has no right to move in the first place. I don't know though, all I have learned about court is from this forum (fortunately).

      One idea is to prove to her that she cannot move and that you will fight it which will at the least, cost her her lawyer fees for no reason.

      People that want to move (and subsequently move their kids away from the other parent), usually try to justify it as for the kids due to 'a better life' or more family etc, but the reality is that is primarily for the parent. Kids don't care that much about the financial status of the parents, or how often they get to visit/see a relative, they would rather continue to see their other parent and keep their current friends/life. It is all about the parent, not about the kids.

      The other is that you can 'threaten' to go after 50/50 if she continues with this self centered idea. You should not have to threaten, though, 50/50 should be your right....anyway.

      Also, from what I know it may be difficult for you to get 50/50 now since the status quo has been establish, but given the girls want it, you might not just want to 'threaten' to get it, but truly decide to try for it.

      As a side, I don't think kids should have their life changed that much, but I think it is a crap idea that the time of separation and immediatley after, which often has the mother with the kids, should determine the custody/access for the rest of the kids childhood. I think that the many many years while the parents were together is the 'status quo', not the time during and after the separation....

      So they would rather live with you half the time, makes sense given their mother's self centered viewpoint....

      Wow, she decides to move and tell the girls they are moving without even discussing it with you - she has no respect for you in their life - I feel sorry for you and them. One can't pick their parents!!
      Last edited by billm; 07-23-2009, 04:57 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        .




        I totally agree with the first part of what billm says. She has accepted this new job in Ottawa on the 26 of August and brought my daughters to visit their new home (she did the same when she took all of the house contents and left the first time) She must know something that I dont know. To accept the job and buy a house in Ottawa not knowing what my response would be is truely amazing to me. It's totally all for her benefit to say to her friends and family that she can do whatever she wants and no one can stop her.

        What does going for 50/50 mean?

        My lawyer says she can move unless I can prove that they are better off in Toronto rather than Ottawa. I said what more can I say I am here the school is here, their friends are here, their family both sides are here, the doctors are here. We live in a 4 bedroom home with finished basement and its all theirs. I have so many clothes for them, outfits they have never worn before. I dont know that she has to offer them in Ottawa. In Ottawa they have their mother and 2 cats!! Yes her lifestyle might get better but the kids need to start fresh with nothing. HELP!!!!!!!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Desperate Dad View Post
          .

          ...
          What does going for 50/50 mean?
          When I said 50/50 I meant equal physical custody. The girls expressed that they would prefer that arrangement.

          It should be easy to prove the kids are better off with two parents rather than one...otherwise Toronto and Ottawa are the same.

          Holy cow, she already bought the house? She already then gave notice at her old job and maybe even is in the process of selling/giving up her current place. I would hope that does not influence things. If justice is served she will be in for a big surprise when she has to sell the house in Ottawa, quit her new job, and try to get her old one back, or give up the custody to you!

          Incredible how extremely self righteous some people can be! What a terrible thing to do you your own family. I am so sorry for your situation.

          Get on with the fight!
          Last edited by billm; 07-23-2009, 05:22 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            If this is important for you then you must file an emegency motion right now today if not tomorrow, let her know in no uncertain terms you will fight this unilateral decision, other wise your silence is the same as consent.

            Very often because a parent is to so called primary custodial parent they feel they can do as they wish regarding the children, this is not the case, take action now or live with the results. Your objection must be made very clear now!

            Good luck!

            Comment


            • #7
              I have voiced myself to my lawyer and he is in the process of writing a letter to the ex's lawyer. They gave me a deadline of July 27. Tomorrow i will receive the letter to review, is there anything I can say in the letter to make the judge stop and think about? I know she will file the emergency motion after she reviews the letter because i am not accepting what she is proposing. We have a clause that states that she cannot not move more than 80 km from her current residence. So for now I am ok but afor next week I dont know. This is what is baffling me she accepted the job and supposedly bought a home. What does she have up her sleave???

              Comment


              • #8
                I would think that you are the one that needs an emergency motion NOW considering she is already in the process of moving.

                As for what to tell the judge, my guess is to detail your current access (how much you have the kids, the fact they sleep at your house, feel at home etc).

                You can say that you were not informed in anyway of this decision, you do not think it is the best interests of the children.

                You can say that they were upset when their mom told them of the move (how you know that I am not sure - I suppose you daughter told you - be careful not to put them in the middle!)

                You can say that one or both of your daughters has indicated they would like to live with you half the time.

                You can say (I'm guessing) that they have lived in Toronto their whole life.

                You can say (I'm guessing) that they have relatives in Toronto.

                You can say that your current agreement has an 80 km clause.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Don't let her go. That was the worst mistake my husband made, not understanding he had evey RIGHT to stop her from moving away with the kids. He couldn't afford a lawyer and thought he had no other options (which in hind-sight realizes he did). He is now a "Disneyland Dad" during their holidays at spring break and in the summer, at an enormous emotional and financial cost to himself and his children. Good luck.

                  Comment

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