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  • #31
    Thank you rockscan. Appreciate it.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Alpinist View Post
      Would it be fair for me to ask for the table support amount of child support? Thats what we should have done all along.
      Not if you have an agreement. Does it mention updating support or exchanging taxes? Regret is not a material change.

      Fix the wording so you can both get the child benefits, as agreed upon. Delaying this is foolish. No need to amend for highschool, university or anything else your ex wants.

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      • #33
        Yes we are supposed to exchange tax returns. We just didn't last year.

        I agree... We don't need to update post secondary wording.. They are only in grade 7/8.

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        • #34
          So basically his major demand is to update the agreement so he can claim one child. The rest are moot updates and unnecessary.

          Like I said before, tell him you will consider updating the agreement but until he provides full disclosure on his 2020 income you will not consider it.

          Then when he sends that to you, you figure out what the new amount is and propose you update to that with the wording CRA will accept. Tell him the remainder of his requests are irrelevant at this time and you can discuss school expenses with the kids when they are prepared to apply for school.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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          • #35
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            So basically his major demand is to update the agreement so he can claim one child....
            Like I said before, tell him you will consider updating the agreement but until he provides full disclosure on his 2020 income you will not consider it.
            He has been trying unsuccessfully for years to get the wording fixed in accordance with their agreement. This delay will not look good on the OP. Holding it hostage will be even worse.

            Ex is doing everything right, following the order and paying the correct amount. Yet he's been missing out on thousands due to OP's delays.

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            • #36
              Thank you very much, that is very helpful. Should he be paying my legal fees to update the agreement since it is a benefit to him for his taxes? Thanks

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              • #37
                Still paying you have this wrong. For the past few years my ex has been asking me to submit all of these amendment forms for him during taxes thinking this would help and I did everything I could to try to help him including signing and attaching forms to my tax submission.. In order to help him. I have done everything he has asked. It was only a few weeks ago my ex reached out to me asking to update the agreement to fix this, hence why I am on this forum now.. Trying to determine my next steps. I have trying to fix this with him for years, all the while he is paying me below the table support amount of payment. If anything he owes me money.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                  He has been trying unsuccessfully for years to get the wording fixed in accordance with their agreement. This delay will not look good on the OP. Holding it hostage will be even worse.

                  Ex is doing everything right, following the order and paying the correct amount. Yet he's been missing out on thousands due to OP's delays.

                  No he hasn’t, her original posts were asking how to change the wording as they have tried other measures and it doesn’t work. He has now also asked for additional wording to be changed that is unnecessary AND he hasn’t been providing proper disclosure.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Alpinist View Post
                    If anything he owes me money.
                    This is sad. You have an agreement. You know he is paying the amount you agreed on and you also know he is missing out on thousands of dollars over the years which you agreed to as well.

                    The only way to fix the issue is with an updated agreement/court order. You're not changing a thing except being more specific on how the support amount is paid. This doesn't affect you at all. Instead of sending your letter to CRA, you just need to consent to him sending it to court.

                    You don't need to amend for post secondary or anything else if you don't want to. What does your agreement say about updating child support?
                    Last edited by StillPaying; 01-22-2021, 07:54 PM.

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                    • #40
                      Our agreement states that he is to be paying me the table amount of child support.

                      Thanks Rockscan for your advice, I will take you up on it.
                      RT

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                      • #41
                        So I'm here now. I make 45000 per year. Ex makes 160,000. We've worked it out and he's started now paying me an offset amount of child support for our children. I had to fight him on this and he only wanted to pay me a set amount and not disclose his income. I retained a lawyer and we began to work through finalizing our agreement with post secondary details, holidays, life insurance, etc. My lawyer kept suggesting he retain a lawyer to review. We went back and forth several times updating with new amendments, follow up letters and changes/updates. I've spent over 5000 in lawyer fees all while my ex has self responded /self represented. Well he's now taken the final draft to be reviewed with his lawyer. He's paid nothing for legal fees thus far but I have. I'm speculating now that his lawyer reviews there's a chance he comes back with MORE changes. I've already spent tonnes. I know, I feel not the smartest for having spent so much on this agreement. I was really wanting to get the child support offset amount figured out with my ex (he wasn't agreeing) as well I really wanted to get our agreement finalized and stone clad... As he has often found loop holes in our old agreement and its caused conflict.

                        He's been dragging his feet even though it was him that wanted to get this ball rolling in January. Yet I've paid out the wazoo in the end. And he makes 3 times my wage. Each follow up letter is costly when the lawyer charges over 300 per hour.

                        If..... He does come back with more changes this will cost me hundreds more. What are my options here. He's dragged his feet and refused to get a lawyer to review all these amendments we made while I had a lawyer and he didn't.

                        My lawyer months ago suggested I go for back support as he's severely under paid me through the years. He downplayed what his actual income was. It had increased by over 50, 000 per year. So this is why he didn't want to disclose financials with me and why he constantly pressured me to have a set lump sum monthly payment of child support. I told my lawyer I didn't want to go for back support. She said he owed over $12,000. I told her that I'd be fine with him to start paying me the correct support, offset child support, effective the date we sent a letter to my ex. Am I wrong in not going for this back support as my lawyer suggested and should I request the back support now, under the circumstances of my ex dragging out this agreement which is costing me and arm and a leg and him nothing? Or is there another route I could take?

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                        • #42
                          So do this, tell your lawyer to just send his changes and you will review before setting up an appointment to discuss. Look at the changes and decide if they are worth fighting over. If they are bullshit, tell him you want back support in the amount of $10,000. That may shut him up and save some money.

                          Hes allowed to request changes. You can review them yourself without your lawyer.

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                          • #43
                            Thanks rockscan. I knew you would understand. So yes what happens is he sends his changes usually (the self represented changes) and immediately my lawyer looks over everything via email and then responds to me point by point over email and I get billed. My ex has some strange ideas about the separation agreement. Like wanting to pay me lump monthly support payments or one payment to be done with me, lol. We've actually worked through so much already with my lawyer. The agreement is looking great. We've worked through many items, and it wasn't easy.

                            He has this strange idea about post secondary that he wanted to waive any requirement of post secondary payments from either of us.. He wanted to just say that the amount he would have paid me for child support would be used directly to cover post secondary fees. My lawyer and I didn't agree and we responded with a proposal of the standard handling. The child's portion comes off the top and any bursaries or grants and the remainder is split according to income. He agreed to this change. But now... Hes said his lawyer is reviewing and most likely that the lawyer won't like our school working. I have a hard time believing this.

                            I'll do as you've said. Then deal with how he responds. But I like the idea of just myself reviewing his response first before my lawyer.

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                            • #44
                              I guess I just feel like if he comes back wanting to change something we've already discussed, agreed upon and updated, whilst I was paying my lawyer and he agreed to preliminarily while he self represented then I don't feel like paying tonnes more in expenses now. Time will tell what he comes back with!

                              My lawyer did state in a letter to my ex when we were working through post secondary wording that we'd advise he receive legal counsel. Yet.. He did not do this. He still responded on his own accord, while I kept paying my lawyer to have all these changes updated. Draft upon draft, clean copy vs old copy etc. Costly on my end.

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                              • #45
                                Your lawyer works for you not herself. She does not need to review things before you do and provide her suggestions. You are fully capable of reading it and writing down your thoughts and questions. She’s basically double billing you for reading it herself and then reading it again with you.

                                Your ex can be a dick all he wants, if it isn’t in line with the law then its not going to fly. Case in point? My husband’s agreement was in line with the law. His ex decided once the kids went to school that she was entitled to more. She filed a motion and then lost because she wasn’t in line with the law. Your ex will not get away with his changes if they aren’t even remotely close.

                                You are smart enough to deal with things without your lawyer having her hands on everything all the time. She should be sending you the documents and letting you make an appointment to discuss. Tell her going forward you would like the items sent to you to review and you will schedule time with her to review and discuss. Then go from there. If he owes you money and wants to play hardball, tell him you want that money to agree to his changes. See where he goes.

                                And yes this is expensive. My husband spent $12,000 to fight his ex over her refusal to adhere to the agreement and she ended up settling on what he offered from the beginning. Other than $3000 in costs he won, he was out more than ten because she was an idiot. Let’s hope your ex pulls his head out of his ass.

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