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  #11  
Old 09-18-2012, 07:20 PM
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hadenough hadenough is offline
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14 years?! Wth?? And that's one wild living arrangement ^. Who has the 2 handicapped kids, your buddy from work or his ex's bf??

Yeah, peace would be nice. Real nice.
  #12  
Old 09-18-2012, 07:34 PM
murphyslaw murphyslaw is offline
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You think by leaving these crazy people that you actually can get away from them.Instead you pay to have the pleasure of wasting time in front of a judge while they wave their crazy around. Its crazy!A wise-ish woman once told me .."If he was a pathological liar when you were married to him,why the hell did you think that the divorce was going to be any different?"
  #13  
Old 09-18-2012, 11:27 PM
wife#2 wife#2 is offline
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I am so sorry to read your rant and even more sorry to say I completely understand! I remember over a year and a half ago my husband was scheduled to go to his first court appearance. We were so happy for the month leading up to it because we kept saying 'this will all be over in a month'. We were so stupid! We knew nothing about this dumb system and 2 years later, and about 10 court appreances (lost track), we both can say now that we don't think it will ever end. The system supports all this crap. I don't know if I'm more pissed at the ex or the system most days. It is very difficult for us to move on with our lives and our relationship is tested constantly. It's the only thing we have ever fought about. It makes me sick. I have to say though, that finding this site and reading it for many hours over the past few days has helped me a bit. I really, truly thought we were the only ones going though this. Thanks everyone for your stories.
  #14  
Old 09-19-2012, 11:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
FYI: There is a time limit to an Application brought forward to the court with no movement in the matter. The Application may go cold after a year... They should notify both parties before they close it all up.
We have a settlement conference next month.

Quote:
Do you have a court order with an access schedule defined? If so I can help write a painfully detailed letter to CRA that will get that resolved.
No court orders. Signed SA that deals with custody and access only. I have some examples from here on how to word an appeal. My SA mentions offset CS and yearly updates. In fact since July of this year she is supposed to pay me (only $40/month), and I pay her more in SS, but she is 'disgusted' that I am asking for CS from her and refuses. However, I have signed receipts of my CS payments, and it mentions that it is offset payments etc.

Quote:
What elements remain to settle?
On my side - nothing! We have a detailed signed and executed division of family assets (I bought her out of both houses). This was over four years ago, we both had real estate evaluations done (the free ones), and used a joint non divorce lawyer to execute the equalization, which was based on a spread sheet listing all assets and debts - signed by both of us, including the letter of instruction to our joint lawyer. She had a lawyer at the time who was advising her.

We have a signed SA dealing with custody, access, and CS (offset).

I have written a comprehensive SA and she has reviewed it and I have changed it based on that review. I paid a lawyer to read it over and he said in his 20+ years he has never seen a SA as comprehensive as mine and only had a few minor things that he thought should be changed. We have not signed it. Her lawyer wants to throw it away and write a new one and make me pay half. I said no thanks because dealing with her lawyer is like banging my head against the wall and I have spent considerable effort on my SA and I was told it was very valid - I am not saying it can't be changed, just that there is nothing wrong with its form and content per se. I am open to having her lawyer write it, but I will not pay for it mostly because I don't trust I'd get my money's worth!

We exchange tax returns, and have done offset CS since the beginning, with me using my gross company income minus only about 9% expenses and no hidden income.

We came to a SS agreement four years ago, which was sent to her lawyer and agreed to via email and we have been following that. It was only done via email though. It was a 7 year agreement, so only a couple of years left and it diminishes every year - she wants to contest it. She has been working full time since separation back to her pre kid career as a nurse and her income has gone up significantly every year.

I have done all I can. Her lawyer does not want to talk details, or even SA, first she wants to deal with the retro issues - aka write a big cheque to my ex. My view is that I don't owe her anything and in fact have overpaid. My view is that we should do a comprehensive SA and then retro apply it to the time since we split and if one owes the other money, so be it. Or just forget the past and move forward and get a SA done and get divorced.

Quote:
"Hoovering" is what it is called. It is a common behaviour of a highly conflicted person.

Out of the FOG - Hoovers and Hoovering



Then, why doesn't she settle matters and continue to fight things out, debate irrelivant issues etc... ? Might I suggest that this is how the other parent is staying connected and involved in your life. Because with closer comes the fear of abandonment for many highly conflicted people. Even in conflict they maintain a connection. Very hard psychological concept to consider but, there is plenty of clinical research to support it.
Lots of people I know say this, but it is really hard to understand because I can't imagine that she wants anything to do with me. She is envious that I landed on my feet (bought both houses from her and live the same life). But she doesn't see my huge mortgage.

Overall though we don't fight - it just comes up when I update the support numbers yearly or when we spend money on something big. Otherwise a few parenting arguments.

Quote:
As a highly respected poster, if you need anything... i.e. case law, forms, links to agreements, etc... Post and I am quite sure everyone will be there to provide as much insight as we possibly can.
Thanks so much! It's nice to see I have friends here.

Hopefully we won't go to court, because the CC went my way and I have gone over the numbers a 100 times a 100 ways and they always come out in my favour.

Maybe we will avoid the settlement conference maybe not. I think the more my ex spends on her lawyer (apparently of her bf's money), the more she is entrenched that I pay. It would be nice if she realized I have already over paid and that she has it good. I have decided though that giving her money will not make her happy, so why do it, especially considering that I have been forthright and honest and followed the rules - and not to mention I don't have it!

Thanks again Tayken and the other posters.

Last edited by billm; 09-19-2012 at 11:30 AM.
  #15  
Old 09-19-2012, 02:55 PM
tiredofthisnow tiredofthisnow is offline
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I agree with hadenough....a rant category would be great.

It's great to be able to come to this site, rant, give advice, yell, scream, laugh (confusedmommy) and know that it isnt just me who has an ex that is a little bit out there.

I was divorced and remarried when I found this site (stop laughing) and my ex is still after 16 years making waves which of course is why i found you all.

Billm I wish you the best in your journey.
  #16  
Old 09-19-2012, 03:55 PM
Canadaguy Canadaguy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billm View Post
my ex and I are not friends despite having been married for 14 years and having 3 kids together. I don't trust her, she won't follow agreements or tell me what she wants.
It is amazing in seperation that after so many years of trusting someone and sharing everything with them that they turn on your and can't even have a simple conversation and work out a minor detail.

It baffles me because I work with people that I don't like every day in my job but still find a way to get the job done, yet in divorce the crazies live on driving the conflict up instead of resolving the issues.
  #17  
Old 09-24-2012, 10:24 AM
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billm billm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
...
Do you have a court order with an access schedule defined? If so I can help write a painfully detailed letter to CRA that will get that resolved.
Regarding claiming a dependent when you pay offset CS:

Well Tayken, your private message is full so if you can answer this then great.

No court order, just signed receipts and a signed SA that states 50/50 and offset method. I am receiving child tax benefits as is my ex.

Any references or wording help for my appeal to CRA for my dependent claim would be appreciated.

I have 3 kids, 50/50, we agree on which to claim for dependent, pay offset support, SA states to use offset method, receipts states (names are in actual receipt document and signed).

Child Support Payments Tax Year 2011
(ex name) (SIN XXX XXX XXX) and (my name) (SIN xxx xxx xxx) have exchanged child support payments as per their equal shared custody agreement as follows:

2011-01-04
me to ex $ 2,129.00
ex to me $ 992.00
Net $ 1,137.00

2011-02-01
me to ex $ 2,129.00
ex to me $ 992.00
Net $ 1,137.00

Total xxxx.xx

etc...


signed by both

Last edited by billm; 09-24-2012 at 10:55 AM.
  #18  
Old 09-24-2012, 01:04 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billm View Post
Regarding claiming a dependent when you pay offset CS:

Well Tayken, your private message is full so if you can answer this then great.
Sorry, my private mail is just always full. It is hard to get to at times and clean out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by billm View Post
No court order, just signed receipts and a signed SA that states 50/50 and offset method. I am receiving child tax benefits as is my ex.

Any references or wording help for my appeal to CRA for my dependent claim would be appreciated.

I have 3 kids, 50/50, we agree on which to claim for dependent, pay offset support, SA states to use offset method, receipts states (names are in actual receipt document and signed).

Child Support Payments Tax Year 2011
(ex name) (SIN XXX XXX XXX) and (my name) (SIN xxx xxx xxx) have exchanged child support payments as per their equal shared custody agreement as follows:

2011-01-04
me to ex $ 2,129.00
ex to me $ 992.00
Net $ 1,137.00

2011-02-01
me to ex $ 2,129.00
ex to me $ 992.00
Net $ 1,137.00

Total xxxx.xx

etc...


signed by both
Have you thought about a blanket rotation as you have 3 children. Where by you claim for all odd years and she claims for all even years? Those are usually easier agreements for the CRA to deal with and in fact, if written properly in a letter they will just apply the formula themselves as it is what they generally recommend in 50-50 (60-40) access arrangements. If you had an even number of children you just split the children down the middle and rotate who claims what child each year.

My recommendation is to try and present something to the CRA that if explained to someone with a grade 8 education would understand and be able to follow.

The CRA will just deny both parent's claims until something is done. If you filed claiming all children as dependants and their mother does. Neither of you will get to claim them until something is agreed upon or presented to CRA that is easy to understand and works.

Tax law needs a revision to respect 50-50 access schedules big time.

Hope this helps?
Tayken

PS: A family court can't order anything regarding taxes from my understanding. So even trying to deal with CRA and all that in the context of a family law proceeding won't get addressed. I will rely upon OrleansLawyer to correct me if this generalized assumption (belief) is incorrect. (I will try to dig some supporting case law on the matter and other legal documentation in support of this statement.)
  #19  
Old 09-24-2012, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Have you thought about a blanket rotation as you have 3 children. Where by you claim for all odd years and she claims for all even years? Those are usually easier agreements for the CRA to deal with and in fact, if written properly in a letter they will just apply the formula themselves as it is what they generally recommend in 50-50 (60-40) access arrangements. If you had an even number of children you just split the children down the middle and rotate who claims what child each year.
I am registered for all 3 kids as shared for CCTB and HST - so that is being handled fine.

As for the dependent claim and other tax claims such as child fitness etc, we have agreed that I get the youngest and she gets the two older ones - it will work out as they older ones leave. I claim the youngest as a dependent (denied!) and she claims the other two (accepted!).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
The CRA will just deny both parent's claims until something is done. If you filed claiming all children as dependants and their mother does. Neither of you will get to claim them until something is agreed upon or presented to CRA that is easy to understand and works.
We do have it worked out and I have seen her returns to verify, yet her dependent claim is accepted and mine denied presumably because I pay CS - but my receipts, my SA, which are filed with CRA state offset method, and the fact that I received CCTB as shared custody etc.

So I have to appeal. It is so obvious that this CRA paragraph applies to and is specifically intended for my situation, but they won't accept it!!:

If you and another person were required to make support payments for the child for 2011 and, as a result, no one would be entitled to claim the amount for an eligible dependant for the child, you can still claim this amount provided you and the other person(s) paying support agree that you will be the one making the claim. If you cannot agree on who will claim this amount for the child, neither of you can make the claim.
  #20  
Old 09-24-2012, 02:12 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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billm - Try sending a letter outlining that both you and your ex. agree to this arrangement.

My ex. composed a letter that said something like;

"Find attached a joint letter from my spouse and I, (insert spouses name), setting out the custody and living arrangements of our minor children."

Then he asked me to a sign a letter that said something like;

"(him) and (me), confirm the following child custody and living arrangements for the 2010 tax year.

(him), (me), share equally at their respective residences, the custody and parenting of their minor children, (child A name and SIN #), (child B name and SIN#).

Acknowledged and agreed to this day, (and both of us signed it).

He added some charts and tables with his name and SIN, my name and SIN, and the kids names and SIN. I don't know if that was necessary.

We did this before we had a court order and he did not have trouble with CRA accepting his claim for 1 of the children as a dependent. When we did have a court order, he had trouble, they denied his claim, I signed another a letter for him, he also had to appeal, eventually it got sorted out
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