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  • #16
    Originally posted by jjsticker View Post
    Thanks Gilligan
    I called my lawyer today and stated that I want to keep my son when I'm on days to equate to 50 percent a month.
    She said not to
    Any particular reason why she said you should not keep the child? I wouldn't mind the alternative viewpoint. Unless your lawyer thinks that you are somebody who will not adequately protect themselves from a false domestic abuse allegation (or worse, somebody who might actually lose his cool) I don't see how it can hurt. I'm legitimately curious!

    Also my ex is trying to hyphenate my sons name and went as far as getting it stitched on his Jersey.
    So what? Seems reasonable to me. If I was a mother I would certainly want my kid's last name to be hyphenated.

    Which my lawyer will be making a formal objection and putting in a provision of not changing the childs name.
    This doesn't seem like a good fight. If the mom was substituting her last name for yours, then maybe I could see the rational behind making a big fuss... but a hyphenated last name? Not only are you not likely to win this one, but even if you do win, it still isn't worth the money you would spend on it.

    This is weird. You let her take the kid from you with barely a whimper, but then you kick and scream over a hyphenated last name. Your priorities seem to be out of order.

    Comment


    • #17
      I hate the way the game is played. Your ex's lawyer is clearly advising your ex to keep the child more than 50% thereby changing the status quo. If you are not enforcing your access, then you are consenting to this change and it will be what they argue in court. Based on the experience of this forum, I believe there is a good chance the judge will accept that. Doesn't matter if it was fair, right or "false"... it's establishing a status quo.


      Best advice I got was an off hand comment from my lawyer saying that playing nice really doesn't often lead to success.


      You will be blamed for engaging in the conflict, but pushing for a 50/50 is the minimum you should be doing. What's stopping you for keeping the child 100% of the time and playing the game? The best thing I did in my situation was to enforce a 50/50 schedule.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by jjsticker View Post
        Thanks Gilligan
        I called my lawyer today and stated that I want to keep my son when I'm on days to equate to 50 percent a month.
        She said not to and the police involvement already shows my distaste in her approach of with holding my son and breach of our seperation agreement.
        She assured me with the multiple police reports and records she will get blasted by the judge for her actions and for her limiting overnights for no just cause.
        And we will be motioning for status quo as we established it before lawyering up and that was the case also through our all relationship .
        She did also mention that she will be requesting OCL as well during our case conference as the other side hasn't she thinks it will help.
        As my ex has moved twice in 8 months and has a new live in boyfriend.
        Appreciate all the input please keep it coming as I begin to see this from all angles.
        Also my ex is trying to hyphenate my sons name and went as far as getting it stitched on his Jersey.
        Which my lawyer will be making a formal objection and putting in a provision of not changing the childs name.
        make no mistake my friend, you're dealing with your worst enemy ever, first of, why in the world you're giving her your child every time she shows up to your door?!!! Second of, if you have a smart phone you should video tape every single interaction with her, have a file with all these records, it's for your safety, don't give her any advice, she's a grown woman. Third of, I would be cautions to get OCL involved in your case, in my opinion it's not necessary, you already have 50/50 shared custody, and my last advice to you, get a motion ASAP for her breaching the agreement, interfering with your parenting time and attempt to change kid's name (if you have evidence). Ask for 50/50 shared joint custody and full indemnity costs, push your lawyer to do her job and don't negotiate anything less than 50/50 joint custody.
        They all create false status quo by lies and deceit, my ex did the same.

        Comment


        • #19
          Well we had our case conference nothing much came from it we are at the same spot we started nobody agreed on anything.
          My lawyer is going to motion once we get letters from the school ,doctors and his hockey oach stating my involvement and that would be the earliest in January.
          My lawyer said this is going to go the distance.
          I can not believe this process is so stacked against us.
          I check off every box possible .
          No criminal record.
          Live in the school district.
          Attend all functions and sporting events.
          Go to all doctors appointments.
          Am available to leave work to tend to my child if need be at school.
          Work days and afternoons permitting to do 5 5 2 2 schedule.
          Is the childs birthhome.
          Have a separation agreement stating 50% custody/access.
          Established status quo after the fact also.
          And many more so frustrated right now.

          Comment


          • #20
            What did the judge say or request? Was there anything ordered?

            Comment


            • #21
              Also very curious

              If there was any outcome or did they just state opinion. In my experience, these case conference haven't been very useful. They often just further entrench people. In your ex's case, they are establishing a status quo and even delay they can do helps them. Ugly game.

              Comment


              • #22
                Only thing was requested as a potential order was something that is already in place we did not agree for this request because it's already what we have .
                The request was every other weekend overnights.
                For the two weeks I am on afternoons I would pick him up make breakfast and put him on the bus in the morning about 1 hour every day.
                For the two weeks I'm on days I would either pick him up from school or the bus stop infront of my house and have him for 3 hours every day after school.
                Now we wait till January to motion for 5 5 2 2 .
                Feeling defeated as what does a guy need to do to be equally involved in their childs life.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Still doesn’t answer my question which makes me think you went through a dispute resolution conference not a case conference.

                  Normally in case conferences the judge makes requests for additional info, possibly change cs and/or order an OCL report. If you both came to the table asking for what you want and you walked out not agreeing that sounds more like a dispute conference not a case conference.

                  The judge said nothing about it? Didn’t encourage anything? Didn’t advise how an order would play out?

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    The judge just suggested that schedule that is already in place and make it an order on consent but I never agreed to it as we are already doing it without an order.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Sounds like a status quo is being established and the next nail in the coffin is getting a judge to make that schedule official and you will have nothing you can do about it.


                      It may be worth reassessing your situation with your lawyer?

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                        ...makes me think you went through a dispute resolution conference not a case conference.
                        ...that sounds more like a dispute conference not a case conference.
                        I'm curious what you think the difference is between a DRO case conference and a regular case conference?

                        A case conference is a case conference. Normally, you must complete one to continue to a motion. It seems like he did and is now going to a January motion.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Some DRCs are held with a lawyer or clerk NOT a judge. In that case there can be no orders whereas in a case conference there is a judge leading it and they have the power to order disclosure, support changes and more.

                          The reason I asked is because it doesn’t sound like there was any movement and they must now go to a case conference. The other poster can go to a motion though as a DRC is considered a conference for that purpose.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            A DRO is the senior lawyer the judges put in place to handle the conferences. Sometimes you can choose a DRO conference and sometimes you have no choice.

                            However, it's still a conference! You don't need another case conference due to having a DRO case conference. All the same discussions and orders can be made regardless!

                            If you're not looking to delay, book a motion or a settlement conference at your case conference; not a 2nd case conference.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              You need a settlement conference or a motion if the other side refuses a settlement conference.

                              My partner went through a DRC and it was held by someone who had no skill in doing a conference. NOTHING was dealt with, the other side disagreed with EVERYTHING requested and they were left having attended the session with no clear direction on next steps. In the end, the request for disclosure (he disclosed everything, she refused) was not responded to for five months. Eight (!!!) months later she filed a motion for disclosure requesting info that had no relevance. The motion judge ordered the original disclosure from her and they can now go to a settlement conference next year. A year was wasted due to the DRC because the other side disagreed.

                              I am asking OP about his conference because it sounds like a waste of a conference and he should push for a motion.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Yes definitely case conference and judge .
                                We are going to motion in January my lawyer is sending out letters to my sons doctors,dentist,getting report card records his coach and some walk in clinics .
                                And some affidavits are being done. Just thought we would motion next available opportunity .
                                Agree with everyone about her establishing this status quo during the process .
                                My lawyer says it's not looked upon as true as it has been her invoking it since Septemberish.

                                Comment

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