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men vs women's claims of dv

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  • men vs women's claims of dv

    Maybe I'm in the wrong section but something struck me just now while I was reading various posts on this site.

    Is it just me or are men's claims of dv becoming "better tolerated" than those made by women?

    More so I kinda wonder about the perception of this community and how you personally think this would play out in family law by gender these days? As men have been unfairly treated by claims against them in past family and criminal law (based on information available at the time), is society setting up a path to unfairly treat women next to punish them for the wrongs and misrepresentations of a few nasty biatches? This couldn't be the right thing to do.

    Should raising overdue awareness for one gender condemn the other gender for those amounts of claims that were intended to abuse the system? What about the ones that truly do and continue to suffer from dv?

    My personal instinct is to be concerned about our path forward in a men's movement of modern society; mostly because I think dv is genderless. As a male victim of dv, I have little difficulty believing either gender's claims could be true AND not. My own mother was regularly beaten and put down by my father for years. I'd hate to know that for women like her there would be lesser support today in the court system, by the police and by public view. I don't think that because I'm a man moving through an awareness trend that I should be better heard than a woman who suffers from dv.

    I guess I'm in a pensive mood tonight.

  • #2
    As a male victim of dv, did you receive the same level of financial, social and emotional support that a female victim of dv would?

    Were you able to flee anonymously to a shelter with your children, be put into protective care and have your financial and legal needs taken care of for you while you hid in a place of safety?

    Did you call the police and was your abuser arrested, jailed and charged and punished to the full extent of the law?

    Due to your abuser's violence nature, could they not see their children at all, or only the watch of trained social workers at a supervised access centre?

    Or was your dv not taken seriously by anyone else while you were expected to man up?

    Comment


    • #3
      Stat Can 2010 profile -of police reported incidents, violence against women is still more than double than that against men.

      On the upside, it appears family homicide is decreasing. Unfortunately, depressing when we look at the #'s of our children and note our girls are 4 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than our boys.

      Source: http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-002-.../11643-eng.pdf

      I would note, the above stats are police reported only.

      Of course, as we can see from recent news with Ghomeshi and twittered at hashtag BeenRapedNeverReported, the most gendered violent crime is the most under reported.
      Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

      Comment


      • #4
        Victim of divorce? We're you a victim of marriage too? Come on, call it what it is - just because you didn't succeed doesn't mean you are a "victim".

        Comment


        • #5
          i reported abuse, city police said
          'dont be so childish reporting abuse'

          i filed a domestic abuse 'emergency
          protection order' , the police never
          served it

          i testified my x attacked my children
          , in one case putting 5yr old daughter in the car -
          driving her home and then upon entry
          into the home pushing her face into the
          floor and putting her foot on my
          daughters neck.

          what she did too me was on no interest.

          she had custody 36mths later ...


          don't look for sympathy on this site for men
          being treated unfairly , it will condemn men's
          groups and any organized movement men have.
          Last edited by pokeman; 11-03-2014, 11:48 PM. Reason: spelling as usual ...

          Comment


          • #6
            It all boils down to numbers. More men abuse women .... period. The police release their stats for the public.

            Their should absolutely be more resources for men. Lets approach our local politicians for that funding. That being said the services in place for women are very much needed.

            Most women as opposed to men are vulnerable to abuse because of the sacrifices they make when raising very young children. Leaving employment and freedom behind for the greater good of their families. This cuts them off from being self sufficient. The services in place enable a woman to escape and be safe.

            Lets not whine about legal aid and shelters. Women and children need them.

            Dont even get me started on welfare...Abusive men should pay their spousal and child support. Instead they degrade their former wives and throw the welfare card in their faces.

            I saved the best for last.... those special people who abuse the system with their lies. We need real punishments for these fools. Yes folks ...these fools are genderless. Lets charge them with fraud and give them a criminal record.

            Comment


            • #7
              Just to correct a few misconceptions here:

              Originally posted by FightingForFamily View Post
              As a male victim of dv, did you receive the same level of financial, social and emotional support that a female victim of dv would?

              Were you able to flee anonymously to a shelter with your children, be put into protective care and have your financial and legal needs taken care of for you while you hid in a place of safety?

              Did you call the police and was your abuser arrested, jailed and charged and punished to the full extent of the law?

              Due to your abuser's violence nature, could they not see their children at all, or only the watch of trained social workers at a supervised access centre?

              Or was your dv not taken seriously by anyone else while you were expected to man up?
              Just to correct some misconceptions here:

              As a FEMALE victim of ongoing dv, I can tell you I did not receive any financial support and the social support I received was very minimal.

              When I tried to flee with my children, the shelters in my area were full and I was put on a waiting list (yeah...). I had to go to a hôtel but it wasn't sustainable for me financially so I had to go back home.

              Women shelter do not take care of your financial or legal needs unless you are admissible to legal aid. They just shelter you for a few days and give you internet ressources or brochures to find your own apartment, job, lawyer and help yourself (they call this 'empowerment').

              When I called the police, noone was arrested or jailed. He said I attacked him and they believed him (note that he assaulted me in my sleep that day...). As soon as the police left, things obviously got even worst and I wished I had never called.

              In Qc, domestic abusers get awarded 50/50 custody by default as anybody else unless they have abused the children too. Punching your wife does not come into the equation in awarding custody.*

              I am expected to "woman up", "help myself", "coparent" and "be kind" to my abuser "for the best interest of the kids". He still uses threats and blackmail to control my life to this day and he stalls the divorce process at every turn.

              My lawyer doesn't understand my need for a strict and detailed parental agreement and is not very helpful apart from splitting material/financial assets fairly. I look like the "difficult" parent.

              Court treat everyone as if they are angry lying resentful exes to the detriment of true victims of dv whether they are male or female.

              * Just in case you don't believe me, here are some sources confirming this:
              See third column of the little table regarding awarding custody after dv : "Proving cruelty can be difficult if the other spouse does not admit to it. Even if cruelty is proved, this doesn’t benefit the spouse who was mistreated because the judge can’t punish the other one for being cruel."
              https://www.educaloi.qc.ca/en/capsul...easons-divorce

              OR
              "Par exemple, on ne tient pas compte des actes passés de violence conjugale, à moins que cela représente un danger actuel pour la sécurité de l’enfant"
              La garde des enfants avant et après une séparation

              Maybe things are better in Ontario, idk... I hope so...

              Comment


              • #8
                This is a 3 year old thread. Please feel free to start a new thread instead of bumping old threads. Tjanks!

                Comment

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