What to do? No communication and missed access times

[Hide on Bush]

Had our CC on March 7th at which time the Judge informed both parties to take 180 days to try and settle the matter before a SC can be scheduled.

Since this time, Ex has not responded to any of my messages, my Son's messages, nor has made any attempt to contact my Son. Its been almost a full month in which my Ex hasn't communicated anything and has missed two Wednesday accesses and one weekend access. One is due this Wednesday and this Weekend in which again, there is no communication and I have no idea if my Ex is going to show up.

OC has not answered a single email, and I have seen the read receipts of the receiving of the messages with no response.

At what point is this to much with regards to my Ex just giving up access with no communication. I did seek to temporarily suspend access but with a plan in place and an actual schedule regarding time suspended in order to ensure make up time for my Ex was made if deemed appropriate by the mental health professionals.

Right now, not knowing if my Ex is even coming for access is causing alot of stress not only on me, but my Son also and am unsure of what to do when my Ex nor his counsel is responding to me.

[416excouple]

Had our CC on March 7th at which time the Judge informed both parties to take 180 days to try and settle the matter before a SC can be scheduled.



Since this time, Ex has not responded to any of my messages, my Son's messages, nor has made any attempt to contact my Son. Its been almost a full month in which my Ex hasn't communicated anything and has missed two Wednesday accesses and one weekend access. One is due this Wednesday and this Weekend in which again, there is no communication and I have no idea if my Ex is going to show up.



OC has not answered a single email, and I have seen the read receipts of the receiving of the messages with no response.



At what point is this to much with regards to my Ex just giving up access with no communication. I did seek to temporarily suspend access but with a plan in place and an actual schedule regarding time suspended in order to ensure make up time for my Ex was made if deemed appropriate by the mental health professionals.



Right now, not knowing if my Ex is even coming for access is causing alot of stress not only on me, but my Son also and am unsure of what to do when my Ex nor his counsel is responding to me.

What did your ex propose at the CC to resolve issues with parenting? Are you you trying to prescribe an access regime to them? Were they involved with the child prior to separation? What role did they play? sometimes these issues are best resolved if all parties are reasonable, 6 months is long for SC but a reasonable position can bring that closer and even no need for trial.

[Hide on Bush]

Ex did not propose anything at the CC. OC seemed focus on sorting out section 7 expenses rather than my Son claiming he will kill himself if forced to go with my Ex.

I have been trying to sort out a modified, temporarily access schedule for over a month with no answer.

[LMum]

Had our CC on March 7th at which time the Judge informed both parties to take 180 days to try and settle the matter before a SC can be scheduled.

Since this time, Ex has not responded to any of my messages, my Son's messages, nor has made any attempt to contact my Son. Its been almost a full month in which my Ex hasn't communicated anything and has missed two Wednesday accesses and one weekend access. One is due this Wednesday and this Weekend in which again, there is no communication and I have no idea if my Ex is going to show up.

OC has not answered a single email, and I have seen the read receipts of the receiving of the messages with no response.

At what point is this to much with regards to my Ex just giving up access with no communication. I did seek to temporarily suspend access but with a plan in place and an actual schedule regarding time suspended in order to ensure make up time for my Ex was made if deemed appropriate by the mental health professionals.

Right now, not knowing if my Ex is even coming for access is causing alot of stress not only on me, but my Son also and am unsure of what to do when my Ex nor his counsel is responding to me.

I went through almost exactly this, it was mostly when my ex was mad at me and would take it out on my child.

The best thing to do in regards to the stress is to just accept that they aren't coming. Have a plan B to keep your kid entertained while its supposed to be your exs time.

And document it. I keep a calendar that I circle day visits and highlight overnights. Its very visual when weeks and month are missed. And I also keep a word doc with the actually details. I log the date, any communication "I contacted ex to arrange pick up and ex did not respond" Also if they do come, log the time of pick ups and drops off. If you're not already doing this, trust me, you will forget. And I also log anything that may have happened. For example covid came to my house so me and my child was in isolation. It was not my exs fault that he couldn't come. I just wrote it down. Make it 100 honest.

My lawyer was able to use the document in some communications to highlight the lack of communication and the missed access mostly due to the behavior of my ex. I'm not sure what can be brought to trial if it gets that far. But at least you have it front of you if ever needed.

[rockscan]

Send both him and his lawyer an email regarding parenting time and put a time limit on it. As in…

Dear ex, despite my emails to both you and your council regarding your parenting time this Wednesday, April 6 and this upcoming weekend beginning Friday, April 8, I have not had a response confirming you will be spending time with “kid”. As such, “Kid” is no longer available Wednesday, April 6. Please advise whether you will be utilizing your time with him for the weekend by Wednesday, April 6 at 5 pm. If I do not hear from you by that time, I will take that as confirmation you wish to forfeit your parenting time this weekend.

And then you do that every 48 hours before his scheduled time. When you go back to court you can show the non response as coverage for your decision.

Most agreements lay out that a parent will advise within 48 hours of scheduled time their intent to use it and if they don’t the other parent is free to make other plans.

[Stillbreathing]

My STBX did this in order to “teach the court a lesson”. He had supervised access and as the judge put it in writing “ Mr. X felt that if he could not have unsupervised access, he would have none. That is unfortunate. “
Needless to say the judge saw through what he was doing and it backfired on him big time. After 10 years of bs where on 2 occasions he voluntarily terminated access for two years or more, he now has permanent supervised access should he ever wish to resume access again.
My ex and his lawyer also went into radio silence mode which my lawyer and I kept track of and brought up the next time we were in-front of a judge. Just make sure you keep track of the missed visits and have your child ready to go. Rockscan’s idea about 48 hours notice seems reasonable as well.

[rockscan]

My husband’s agreement has a clause in it for parenting time that says he will advise within 48 hours if he would not be seeing his kids. It followed the “parenting time once a month and any other time agreed upon by the parties”. He also lived out of town.