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  • #31
    I really feel for you...i'm a big fan of the video recorder because i was falsely accused of abuse. But thats only if it goes extreme as in my situation. Take pictures of every room in the house, the vehicle (s), any big ticket items etc...if she slaps you with a protection order, you'll be banned from going back to the house, in fact, she may do that to stop you from getting the house.

    I'm just speaking from my experience, It could be all wrong in your case, but I wanted to put it out there because hindsight is always 20/20.

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    • #32
      I've been hearing this fun stuff from friends as well. Can't wait!

      Anyway I'm interviewing lawyers this week, I'm letting the one I had go, there are some family business which if she decides to paly hard ball could get ugly even though there is a prenup in place. I'm headed downtown to the heavy hitters just incase. Hopefully I won't need them other than to sign and look over the seperation agreement and other typical lawyer stuff.

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      • #33
        Just wanted to give an update. Over the last 2 months we have kept quite civil, there has been no threats or fighting, no need for recording devices. We have drawn up an amicable separation agreement and child access schedule. My wife has purchased a house within a very short drive and into a much better school district. The financial payout is very reasonable mostly to just cover her expenses of moving and getting odds and ends she needs for her new place.

        She will be moving in 6 weeks and we should have everything signed within the next two. It sound like I may have gotten off very lucky here. Mainly I think we have kept it civil for our daughter. Hopefully friendly terms will remain.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by dooper View Post
          Just wanted to give an update. Over the last 2 months we have kept quite civil, there has been no threats or fighting, no need for recording devices. We have drawn up an amicable separation agreement and child access schedule. My wife has purchased a house within a very short drive and into a much better school district. The financial payout is very reasonable mostly to just cover her expenses of moving and getting odds and ends she needs for her new place.

          She will be moving in 6 weeks and we should have everything signed within the next two. It sound like I may have gotten off very lucky here. Mainly I think we have kept it civil for our daughter. Hopefully friendly terms will remain.
          Hey, thanks for the update. Many people just vanish and we never get closure on how things went. I hope you can continue to keep things amicable, and hopefully the lawyers don't create too much back and forth to pad their bills.

          The only advice I have for you now is to be wary of upheaval if one of you gets into a new relationship. That can often make the other partner stop being amicable and can also affect the child.

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          • #35
            Thanks for the advice, we did speak about the possibility of meeting someone else, we both know it will be hard for the other, but it is something we are expecting to happen one day.

            Quick update, there was some last minute changes to our separation agreement and the lawyers took everything down to the wire but all is signed. She closes on her house tomorrow, I already started moving and the matrimonial home goes on the market in a couple weeks.

            Stress levels have been up there but that is to be expected. Overall though it's been a fairly smooth process compared to a lot of what I have heard happens.

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            • #36
              Well the house sold quick, closing is in another month. We are both settled in our new homes. Tensions have been pretty low, not all peaches but pretty good.
              Our D4 has been taking it fairly well, there was a bit of confusion and a week of upset. She is getting used to the back and forth and is looking forward to coming to her other house. We have been having family dinners once a week , at a restaurant or each other's houses. It is very important to us that our D knows she still is part of a family.

              All in all its going fairly well, there will be some hiccups and stress , I'm quite relieved that so far things have stayed as amicable and friendly as they have.

              It's not all doom and gloom.

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              • #37
                Congrats Dooper.

                I'm really glad you both managed to get through this relatively unscathed.

                Believe it or not, I have a remarried friend who vacations each year with her ex and his longterm gf and they take all of their kids from the blended families. They're very good friends.

                Its rare but it does happen. Its sounds like you guys might be headed to have a very amicable, divorced relationship and that's a wonderful thing for both of you and most importantly, for your daughter.

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                • #38
                  Good for you - I wonder what factors made your split amicable.

                  It seemed financially things were not an issue which is rare I guess?

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    Good for you - I wonder what factors made your split amicable.

                    It seemed financially things were not an issue which is rare I guess?
                    Thanks guys.

                    Financially we do pretty well and are in the same ballpark as each other. Our finances were never mixed and perhaps that helped. We agreed not to go after each other's savings or things we wanted to keep, such as my sports cars.
                    There was no alimony and no child support as we split access/custody 50%. I did agree to pay her a small amount for her moving expenses and for her to buy some things she needed, paint her new place etc.

                    I made a decision not to fight her on anything really and it kept her from coming after me as I wasn't pissing her off when she said she wanted this or that. Since I called for this I felt it was better I take care of her to keep any depression or anger at a minimum. There were a few arguments and of course some words were said, I would be lying if is said there wasn't.

                    I also think she feels there is a small, albeit very small, chance we may reconcile, which I've told her isnt in the cards, but people can be hopefull I guess.

                    Hopefully we can also be that friendly couple whom can take family vacations in the future. Our daughter would be very happy for that. Obviously one day one of us is going to meet someone else. I have a funny feeling she will be the one who is hurt by this if she hasn't met someone before I have. That will be the next great hurdle.


                    In the end it was all about our daughter. She is everything to both of us. A very tender little girl which we both know deserves nothing but our love, caring and attention. She is what really has kept this amicable.

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                    • #40
                      As PH says, watch people through a divorce and then you'll see their true character.

                      Considering you are support payment free, you are one of the exceptional few - you even get to keep your sports car (hello mid life crisis ).

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                      • #41
                        It is excellent that you guys have done so well.

                        It reminds me of how I was, in many ways, with my own ex.

                        Make no mistake, new partners in the picture WILL change things. Not necessarily in an overtly negative way, but things will change. How they get introduced to the family matrix makes a big difference.

                        I found out from my daughter about "mommy's new friend", and that definitely started things off on the wrong foot with my ex and I, because we were supposed to be giving each other the heads up about new partners before they were introduced to the kids. In my case, ex started seeing a new guy, introduced them to the kids within a week, and then didn't tell me about it at all.

                        It pretty much went downhill from there. As long as you guys don't make those kinds of mistakes, you have a better chance.

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                        • #42
                          I'm personally a little confused and concerned about vacationing and having dinner's with ex. To each their own I suppose but I see red flags.

                          You have said your ex wants to reconcile with you and yet you are having "family" time with her and contemplating vacationing with her. I can't see anything but disaster and hurt feelings coming out of this. While it is honourable that you are respectful to each other, it makes no sense to be entertaining these "family" times together when they are more than likely being interpreted as your personal level of interest in being romantically involved with her again. And when you do finally bring a new woman into your life, you better be prepared for your ex wife to be upset, emotional and hurt. This is inevitable given the situation you describe throughout your thread.

                          Make no mistake, I think it is wonderful when two parents can get along nicely after separation. But these are not autonomous relationships as they are linked by one parent still having feelings for the other parent which means the relationship from one towards the other has not yet been severed emotionally.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Serene View Post
                            I'm personally a little confused and concerned about vacationing and having dinner's with ex. To each their own I suppose but I see red flags.

                            You have said your ex wants to reconcile with you and yet you are having "family" time with her and contemplating vacationing with her. I can't see anything but disaster and hurt feelings coming out of this. While it is honourable that you are respectful to each other, it makes no sense to be entertaining these "family" times together when they are more than likely being interpreted as your personal level of interest in being romantically involved with her again. And when you do finally bring a new woman into your life, you better be prepared for your ex wife to be upset, emotional and hurt. This is inevitable given the situation you describe throughout your thread.

                            Make no mistake, I think it is wonderful when two parents can get along nicely after separation. But these are not autonomous relationships as they are linked by one parent still having feelings for the other parent which means the relationship from one towards the other has not yet been severed emotionally.
                            I understand your concern. Let me be clear, family time is a dinner once a week for an hour and a half. It has always been set forth that this was for our daughters sake.

                            As for vacation time, this has not been discussed with her and is not something in the immediate future. In fact she did ask me to go with them on a one week vacation this fall and I declined nicely but firmly.

                            I am not in anyway stringing her along nor giving her false hope.

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                            • #44
                              Serene, I think you're confusing dooper's story with the details of what another person on this thread shared....

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                              • #45
                                You may not think you're stringing her along. And you may not have intentions to string her along. But my spidey senses say what you think and she things are miles apart!

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