Offer to Settle

[Serene]

Not sure what you mean - A moral obligation yes. But there is no legal basis for him to request access to his child.

I'd recommend some counselling. Many schools have a rainbow program for kids in these situations.

It's hard to swallow though isn't it? I get it.

[MS Mom]

Not sure what you mean - A moral obligation yes. But there is no legal basis for him to request access to his child.

I'd recommend some counselling. Many schools have a rainbow program for kids in these situations.

It's hard to swallow though isn't it? I get it.

This is the part I can't understand.

Access is the right of the child is it not?

[Berner_Faith]

This is the part I can't understand.

Access is the right of the child is it not?

One would hope so, but I guess you have to think of what is best for the child. You cannot force someone to be a parent and in some situations, it is better for the child not to have a lot of contact with a very disinterested parent then to be forced into a relationship with them.

Your daughter seems old enough to understand what is going on and if her Dad doesn't care about a relationship with her that isn't something you can force. Very sad for the child, but at least she has you to support her.

[MS Mom]

One would hope so, but I guess you have to think of what is best for the child. You cannot force someone to be a parent and in some situations, it is better for the child not to have a lot of contact with a very disinterested parent then to be forced into a relationship with them.

Your daughter seems old enough to understand what is going on and if her Dad doesn't care about a relationship with her that isn't something you can force. Very sad for the child, but at least she has you to support her.

Well, I'm at a loss. Last time in court he fought for more access. Now he gives up custody with no request at all for access.

My argument at previous proceedings was that it wasn't in her best interests to increase access, but OCL disagreed. I argued that she was capable of making a decision regarding how much to see her dad, he disagreed and OCL agreed with him. Now she is old enough? or is she old enough because he doesn't care?

At the end of the day, I guess it doesn't matter. He gives up custody and doesn't need to justify that I suppose.

I just finished my SC brief. There is a section at the end "Offer to Settle". That's how he presented his offer to settle. Do I do the same in my SC brief, with my own offer to settle?

[annapurna66]

In regards to your SC brief... yes you must also attach an Offer to Settle if you have not already served one. It is a required part of the brief. SC is just that...a conference to try to settle some or all of the issues. Your Offer should outline your best "shot" (or at least a reasonable one) at settling this. Your Offer is also important from a costs point of view down the road if you are unable to settle.

[dinkyface]

Pretty sure offers are non-severable unless stated otherwise.

So her choice is to ignore it, accept it (in full), or send her own offer to settle (which may include the parts that she wants to accept from his offer).

[MS Mom]

Pretty sure offers are non-severable unless stated otherwise.

So her choice is to ignore it, accept it (in full), or send her own offer to settle (which may include the parts that she wants to accept from his offer).

I sent my own offer to settle. I think they expected me to jump on it since it involves sole custody; but I didn't. Their offer was too wishy-washy and ignored the child's immediate needs.

What his offer did tell me is that he doesn't want custody - joint or otherwise, and he doesn't want access - especially if it might cost him some money.

I don't think, under the circumstances, he has a snowball's chance in hell in retaining joint custody in trial.

Since he's using a lawyer and I'm self-represented he should be doing some cost/benefit analysis moving forward. What he owes me would be a fraction of what he would pay his lawyer through to trial. His financial statement (finally received 8 months later) tells me that he can afford to pay for some braces, lessons and increased support (which are denied in his offer to settle).

I've got nothing really to lose by pushing him forward on this - so I am.

[arabian]

While I know everyone has the right to have counsel, it probably doesn't go unnoticed by the judge when people claim they are unable to afford anything show up at court represented by senior, high priced, lawyers.

I'd be bringing a picture of the daughter on a horse, smiling, with her new braces!

[Rioe]

I sent my own offer to settle. I think they expected me to jump on it since it involves sole custody; but I didn't. Their offer was too wishy-washy and ignored the child's immediate needs.

What his offer did tell me is that he doesn't want custody - joint or otherwise, and he doesn't want access - especially if it might cost him some money.

I don't think, under the circumstances, he has a snowball's chance in hell in retaining joint custody in trial.

Since he's using a lawyer and I'm self-represented he should be doing some cost/benefit analysis moving forward. What he owes me would be a fraction of what he would pay his lawyer through to trial. His financial statement (finally received 8 months later) tells me that he can afford to pay for some braces, lessons and increased support (which are denied in his offer to settle).

I've got nothing really to lose by pushing him forward on this - so I am.

Some people find paying lawyers an exorbitant amount of money far preferable to giving any amount to their exes for any reason, including their own child. They value 'winning' more than anything else, and have backed themselves into a corner where changing their minds now is 'losing.'

I wonder if it would be useful to blatantly point out that the amount you are asking for is probably less than his lawyer would cost for the trial? The cost of his share of braces is the equivalent of one day of his lawyer's time, for example.

[MS Mom]

Some people find paying lawyers an exorbitant amount of money far preferable to giving any amount to their exes for any reason, including their own child. They value 'winning' more than anything else, and have backed themselves into a corner where changing their minds now is 'losing.'

I wonder if it would be useful to blatantly point out that the amount you are asking for is probably less than his lawyer would cost for the trial? The cost of his share of braces is the equivalent of one day of his lawyer's time, for example.

Well, I have blatantly stated as much in my Settlement Conference Brief. His financial statement tells me that while he isn't a millionaire, he's in a much better financial position than he was in only a year ago - due to his move, zero access costs and salary increases. I have no doubt that what he has spent in legal fees thus far already exceeds what I've asked for, and what I've asked for financially is exactly what he agreed to in our previous agreement.