Royal Road To Trial

[stripes]

"Dear Mom,

Thank you for your message of [date]. The existing court order does not require me to transport Kid both to and from your home during my parenting time [assuming this is true - quote the exact words from your order if possible]. In the absence of a court order governing transportation, the most equitable practice is to share the driving equally. This is also consistent with our established practice to date. Therefore I will pick up [Kid] from [place] at [time] on [date] to begin my parenting time. I will ensure that Kid is ready to be picked up from [place] at [time] on [date] so that you or someone delegated by you can bring her to your home.

With respect to this weekend, thank you for your flexibility. It would be fine with me if you or someone you delegate wants to pick up Kid at [place] at [time before bedtime].

With respect to counselling for Kid, I am willing to consider it. Please provide me with a list of professionals whom you would find acceptable so that I may contact them to guide our decisions about Kid.

With respect to 50/50 parenting, I continue to believe that this arrangement is in the best interest of Kid.

Sincerely,

Dad"

Don't call CAS. There's no evidence that Kid is being neglected or abused at Mom's, and that's the only thing that would warrant getting CAS involved. You'll just look vindictive.

[LovingFather32]

Very good post/advice Stripes. Thank you.

I recommence work on Sept 8th. Thursday morning (Sept 10th) will be an adventurous morning I guess .... if she decides to get police involved, etc.

But great post.

[arabian]

good letter Stripes. I would suggest that LF32 asks her to specify the problems that she thinks daughter is having and suggest, once again, that the mother attend an appointment with the family physician to discuss whether or not a psychiatric assessment for child is indicated. I would caution LF32 to not fall into a trap of inadvertently agreeing or disagreeing that a problem exists as his ex will surely try to twist things and use it against him.

[LovingFather32]

good letter Stripes. I would suggest that LF32 asks her to specify the problems that she thinks daughter is having and suggest, once again, that the mother attend an appointment with the family physician to discuss whether or not a psychiatric assessment for child is indicated. I would caution LF32 to not fall into a trap of inadvertently agreeing or disagreeing that a problem exists as his ex will surely try to twist things and use it against him.

Ex lied about your above point last motion.

In her affidavit, she said that D4's pediatrician required my consent for a referral to speak with a professional. And hat I refused to give consent. I saw nothing of the sort. Purely made up.

In that same affidavit she said previous SC judge adjourned that SC b/c D4 was having behavioral issues ... when it was actually adjourned to let more time elapse in D4's new access regime. Ex also said I agreed with her regarding D4's behaviors when what I actually said was D4's behaviors were typical of 3 year old.

The above 2 lies tainted the motion.

Way back in Jan 2015, when she first brought this up, before I took D4 to an appt with my family Dr regarding her concerns ...

I asked her to provide 2-4 trained clinicians who have experience with kids who are going through divorce so that we could meet with them..etc. (yes this is in writing.)

....I'm still waiting for those.

Ex is only interested in Domestic Violence Witness Counselor's ... for a child who's never witnessed violence.

[arabian]

^Well that should tell you just how desperate your ex is and that she is quite willing to take anything you say and twist it to her benefit. With that in mind I would continue to be extremely cautious. All her lies and manipulations will come out at the trial and bite her.

I really feel sorry for your daughter that she has a mother like this. Hopefully things will improve. Seems your ex needs extremely rigid directions/rules in order to conduct herself properly.

[LovingFather32]

A year ago an e-mail like that (one I posted) would have really affected me. Becoming immune (a lil').

How have all you ODF vet's done this for so long?

Yep .. D4 will feel it soon. She told me last time that mommy gets really upset if she asks to call me .. or if she says she misses e or wants a haircut.

She talks to me about MIL, what they did .. their weekends .. and I always smile and say .. Thats Great. They love you a lot!!

Thats why she can be open here. I speak so positively about ex and MIL ...because its her mom.. and D4 comes first.

[MrToronto]

A case law where a non specific gender parent eventually got primary parent

CanLII - 2005 NSSC 152 (CanLII)

[LovingFather32]

Good caselaw Mr. T.

A case law where a non specific gender parent eventually got primary parent

CanLII - 2005 NSSC 152 (CanLII)

Very good Caselaw Mr. T.

Sorry .. not ODF'n too much lately. Hard at work prepping case. (As you know from our intense e-mails ..

I like this caselaw though. A lot of similarities and allegations.

[81] In her current report, she recommends a change of the day-to-day custody to place the child with Mr. Fraser due to the ongoing conflict, the unreasonable access arrangements, the concerns about the mother’s ability to parent and her lack of insight into her behaviour, her extended family’s view that Mr. Fraser ought not to be in his child’s life, the frequency of moves and the stability offered in the father's household

[LovingFather32]

Well .. I offered half way points, etc for driving and ex still refuses.

She said shes never shared driving with me. We used to meet at Tim Horton's and then at the playgroup parking lot. All this is documented. Ex even states that it should be the norm.

She also says that I refuse to return D4 after my access, which is false. We've always shared driving .. even if I work I ensure she gets there.

Ex says to wake D4 up and have her at her house by 7:00am, so that I can have time to get to work for 8. Instead of continuing her pick up's. Which means I need to wake her at like 5:30am ... how is that in her best interests?

She then had her lawyer send a letter calling me an "access parent" and that I threatened to not return D4 after visits that ex refuses to pick her up . I have a sitter/childcare for the day if ex doesnt want to drive...she doesnt like that idea and calls it a threat.

We both have cars, I work .. the logical thing would be to share driving as we have been .. and I can prove that we have in the comm. book.

D4 asked for a haircut once again and I got her one. She was happy as can be .. she loved it. Just a trim,

LAO wrote me a lawyer letter saying that I was just an access parent and that I cant make decisions like that. Our good ol' tax dollars folks ... being spent on gatekeeper's concerned over haircuts and sharing driving.

My lawyer says to just do the driving (that early?) or else I'll look bad. I just dont know anymore. Ex assumes defacto custody but according to Rule 20(4) she is not because I have not consented nor acquiescenced any of this. Abduction/denial of access...this was her strategy for custody.

And now he says I need her permission for haircuts and she is no longer required to drive.

Also, I am officially on the waiting list for a certified child psych as well ...

[arabian]

When is your next CC scheduled for?

[stripes]

Haircuts are trivial - if the kid needs a haircut, take her for one. Mom can do the same.

Good that you've got Kid on the waiting list for a psychologist.

As for the whole pickup/driving thing, how about
Dear Mom,

Thanks for your message of [date]. Unfortunately, your request that I drive Kid to your place on [date] cannot be accommodated for the reasons I communicated in my email of [date]. In addition, your request would require Kid to get up at 5.30, which I do not think is good for her. I will ensure Kid is ready to be picked up at [place] [time] by you or someone acting on you behalf, consistent with our established practice.

Sincerely,

Dad

[LovingFather32]

Haircuts are trivial - if the kid needs a haircut, take her for one. Mom can do the same.

Good that you've got Kid on the waiting list for a psychologist.

As for the whole pickup/driving thing, how about
Dear Mom,

Thanks for your message of [date]. Unfortunately, your request that I drive Kid to your place on [date] cannot be accommodated for the reasons I communicated in my email of [date]. In addition, your request would require Kid to get up at 5.30, which I do not think is good for her. I will ensure Kid is ready to be picked up at [place] [time] by you or someone acting on you behalf, consistent with our established practice.

Sincerely,

Dad

Arabian.. LAO has ignored suggested dates for the SC...next step is to schedule it. Next week my lawyer said.

Stripes. Ex is fabricating that I've refused to bring D4 back after my access (I have large amount of documented evidence of shared driving in log book, texts, etc.) Even if I wasn't able my g/f dropped her.

So their position now is that I'm refusing to drive after my access and threatening to deny access if ex doesn't come. See how it gets twisted into me being an abusive, controlling idiot?

This has been the story of my life since we separated.
There is a HUGE volume of case law of shared driving...especially where one parent worked and both had vehicles.

[rockscan]

So basically theyre basically setting place every aspect of their case before trial and not allowing for any movement to accommodate requests including an SC. Time to set your wall in place. Schedule to SC. Theyve finally pulled out the guns because they want to establish youre access only and youre refusing to cooperate by holding onto the kid. You bet your ass she calls the cops Wednesday morning if d4 isnt where she wants her.

[LovingFather32]

Do I bring the consent order from CC in may/2014 ... "parties are to agree on person or facility"?.... LAO sent me email shortly after that cc accepting one of my supervisors and offering facility at Tom Hortons (shared driving).
After Oct. Motion I have an email from ex stating that playgroup would be next exchange spot. ( shared driving).
I could say we meet at playgroup and bring order. When she doesn't show I call police.

This is such a huge piece of the case. Big decisions will be made next week when I begin work. Do I give in and do all driving to her house...waking D4 up at Crack of dawn
...or do I do something else? This is ridiculous.

[rockscan]

Should you say that due to the disagreement you revert back to the order outlining the drop off point? You have an order for locations right? Stick to that, dont introduce new again?