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  • #31
    Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
    LF32...what exactly did you expect was going to happen after your difficult legal battle with your ex?

    This stuff doesn't surprise me at all. She's going to be pissed off for a while and using the child to say and do stuff to get under your skin. This isn't an unusual situation and you'll have smoother times and flare ups for a long time to come.

    What you should do is ignore it as best as you can. I'd also do whatever you want with your daughter at your house. You can wash her hair, watch Scooby Doo all day and go sledding whenever you damn well please.

    You know why? Because your ex has ZERO legal recourse to stop you from being a parent to your own child.

    Don't stoop to your ex's level. I've learned that one of the best gifts you can give to your kid's after a divorce is to be the voice of reason and calm when they're dealing with a batshit angry parent the other half of the time. In time, have faith that your daughter will get old enough to understand that you are the fair, rational parent. In the meantime, ignore it and have fun with your daughter when she's over however you see fit. The best revenge is parenting well.

    Then you can vent here whenever you want about how nuts your ex is...there's lot of people with similar stories...lol.
    I agree. I make every second count. We went out to see the fireworks New Years eve, watched jugglers, went on a hay ride .. the works. Few days before that we went to the museum of nature to see the dinosaur fossils, volcanoes, etc. My point is .. you're right. Just concentrate on my parenting first and foremost.

    I knew all this was coming.

    BTW PursuingH .. I still totally agree with your remedy for the stresses of divorce you mentioned in my other thread. . Right on point! lol

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
      I also have to be weary about ex sending off sea scrolls to the psychologist.(edited, staged, manipulated surreptitious recordings). We saw what happened with OCL. Although a judge already heard them, laughed and called them edited snippets. She fooled OCL but not the courts. But would it fool psych. the same as it did the OCL?
      I wonder if you can request the doctor not to accept any paperwork etc from either party? To base his opinions on his own observations?

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
        I wonder if you can request the doctor not to accept any paperwork etc from either party? To base his opinions on his own observations?
        Hmmm. That's all I'd like. A fair, objective, neutral third party. No influences. I wonder.

        Comment


        • #34
          I just wasn't sure how to approach it. If mommy says she cant watch Scooby doo, go sledding or wash her hair here I just hate that I'd make D3 think she was going against her mom by disobeying her and doing those things.
          Do whatever you want to do at your house. Seriously.

          Its a really bad idea to cater to a crazy person. They live in a world of warped reality and the rules change too often for you to keep up. If you spend all your time worried about the outcome for your daughter, you're going to have a really difficult time. Trust me, I dealt with similar issues for years now.

          Example....At one point, my fiance used to park his car only in the garage so that my ex didn't lose his temper on my kid because he was over my house. But it didn't help anyway, he'd yell at her for some other miscellaneous offense.

          Getting divorced from a nutbag means you end up with a bit of PTSD baggage. It takes a while to stop reacting to their erratic, angry, weird behavior but the sooner you do, the better. It doesn't help your kid to play crazytrain with your ex.

          Relax....it is YOUR home, that is YOUR child, and you can parent her however you see fit. Empower yourself to ignore her crap.

          Comment


          • #35
            I also have to be weary about ex sending off sea scrolls to the psychologist.(edited, staged, manipulated surreptitious recordings). We saw what happened with OCL. Although a judge already heard them, laughed and called them edited snippets. She fooled OCL but not the courts. But would it fool psych. the same as it did the OCL?
            You and your ex would not be the patient. Your child would be the patient. A child psychologist would not listen to recordings of you and your ex... they'd talk to the child and to each of you - mom and dad separately, child by themselves, and maybe the child with each parent from time to time.

            At risk of displeasing Arabian again, the mom in our situation copies the doctor on lots of emails that are irrelevant to the child patient and the concerns that initiated bringing the children to him. The doctor doesn't read them.

            Comment


            • #36
              I wonder if you can request the doctor not to accept any paperwork etc from either party? To base his opinions on his own observations?

              Hmmm. That's all I'd like. A fair, objective, neutral third party. No influences. I wonder.
              You'd be influencing the doctor by stipulating these boundaries. Why not let the doctor decide what is required and necessary to help your child?

              Keep in mind, the doctor isn't going to read/listen to a bunch of recorded stuff... they are in the business to make money. They don't typically work for free. At the end of the day it is either relevant or irrelevant information. And I think some of the posters on this thread may be meshing two separate things together - the doctor would not be doing a custody/access assessment, merely seeing your child so determine if they need assistance navigating the separation/relationships with their parents. There is a distinct difference and the recordings become irrelevant when its not a part of a custody/access evaluation.

              Comment


              • #37
                It's when my ex is with the psychologist alone that all of these false allegations (and how, in her mind, they've affected D3) will be brought up. I do have the transcripts, etc.

                Let's put it this way. A psychologist will have to hear all of the allegations the second ex is alone with him/her. It does have to do with the child because ex is saying these are the reasons D3 is affected and behaving the way she is. The psychologist will want/need the background for ex's theory. Just another slew of throwing mud and seeing what sticks.

                Comment


                • #38
                  I'm confused or missing something.

                  The false allegations came up when she was with her own psychologist?

                  The transcripts are of her sessions with a psychologist????? That would be odd.

                  I don't believe you would use the same psychologist that your ex sees. Are you perhaps referring to employees of OCL or CAS?

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Serene View Post
                    ....At risk of displeasing Arabian again, the mom in our situation copies the doctor on lots of emails that are irrelevant to the child patient and the concerns that initiated bringing the children to him. The doctor doesn't read them.
                    I'm not "displeased" rather I don't think that your obsessive dislike for your husband's ex is something that should be referenced. I don't blame you for being irritated at some of the woman's behavior but do we have to hear about it all the time? WE GET that you dislike her and everything she does is annoying.

                    This is a thread by LF32 and it shouldn't morph into yet another place for you to vent your frustrations about your husband's ex.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      I'm confused or missing something.

                      The false allegations came up when she was with her own psychologist?

                      The transcripts are of her sessions with a psychologist????? That would be odd.

                      I don't believe you would use the same psychologist that your ex sees. Are you perhaps referring to employees of OCL or CAS?
                      Sorry. Im typing too fast and guzzling a smoothie before I run to the gym.

                      No she doesn't have a psychologist.

                      I meant.. she can repeat all of her false allegations to a psychologist if we get one .. but I have the motion judges transcripts not to mention CAS report, etc if she really wants to get in to that. I hope not though. Just analyze the child and provide a report on her mental/emotional health.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Arabian, there was nothing in my post above that you copied indicated I was irritated by my husband's ex copying emails to doctor. Nor does it reference any frustrations or dislike for my husband's ex. I'm merely pointing out that the doctor doesn't read them even if he has them. Which does relate to the poster's concerns about his ex wife giving these things to the doctor. I surely won't be defending myself with you any more today, especially on references or words I did not use.

                        If the doctor were entertaining all these recordings I'd be of the opinion they aren't a competent doctor. But then what do I know? I've only been knee deep in this for several years, in a situation that has many similarities to the posters issues. And yes, I go to the psych apps when the doctor asks me too or I have something I'd like to speak with the psych about... its all about what you're engaging the doctor for. Given the poster is in court, and the ocl is/was involved, they likely won't get deep in the weeds about what happened in the past, rather they will assist your child with the now and the future *if* you ask them to see your child to see if they need help navigating the separation.

                        Why not see a doctor and express all these issues even before engaging your child or ex? Psychologists have rules of conduct. They should all be operating under same rules. Address your worries and see what they say. Maybe it will alleviate your fears. I do appreciate your fears are real and valid given what has happened to you. But maybe this can be overcome by having a consult with a psychologist before you engage mom and child.

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                        • #42
                          Serene if you find that I become obsessive and continuously write about my ex's g/f (on every thread/topic) please do point it out to me as I wouldn't want to be redundant.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Some thoughts:

                            1) Serene and Arabian, you guys should just ignore each other. Oil and water.
                            2) LF32, your house is totally your house. Remind your daughter that your ex can't tell her what she can or can't do at your house. Document what your daughter said, do what you want to do, and then move on.
                            3) Document ever crazy thing you hear, make sure your daughter is reassured that you're not a monster, and that what you DO is more important than what your ex says about you, and then move on. Absolutely.
                            4) I'm not going to say "focus on being the best parent you can be", because I know that you already are doing just that. Anyone who has followed your journey should know this, and should stop patronizing you with that kind of advice.
                            5) Very proud that you're not stooping to your ex's level, and that you aren't taking this lying down either. Keep in mind that your ex is likely doing this to get a reaction out of you. She knows damn well that your daughter is going to repeat this stuff to you. Therefore, no emails to her about it, while making sure to rebut all of her malarky to your daughter (without dwelling on it) is indeed the best strategy.

                            If your daughter says that her mommy or grandma don't like your girlfriend or her daughter, you can pretty much tell her that.... they don't have to. They aren't the ones that live with her. They don't need to have a relationship with them. My kids have sometimes asked what I thought of my ex's boyfriend, or said things about him that were clearly testing my reaction. I have flat out ignored some of the things, said "that's nice" and moved on, or simply said that it didn't matter what I thought about what he said, because he wasn't my boyfriend, he was mommy's.

                            Some might consider that last bit of advice as too advanced or a bit rough to address with a four year old, but I just think of it as helping them understand boundaries. My partner's 7 year old son has boundary issues and sometimes tries to carry on with my ex as if she is his best friend, whenever she comes to get the kids. I haven't been afraid to tell him that she isn't our friend, she is the mom to my kids, and we don't do friend stuff with her. It just isn't the way for our family. It has helped him understand that there are some natural boundaries that need to be considered. The point I'm trying to make is that kids need to understand the complexities of blended families and divorced families at an age that is much earlier than we would like. It doesn't make it less necessary.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              I have a different thought.

                              If you haven't seen any maladaptive behaviours LF, then I wouldn't subject her to a psych eval. SHE IS THREE!! Most family counsellors do not do much intervention with children of that age. Almost all of the work is done with the family/parents. I am not familiar with child psychs, but what exactly would they do? Light play therapy? Your daughter is fine.

                              It sounds like you are more worried that ex is going to use her "concerns" in court than about the actual mental well-being of your daughter. True?

                              Don't bring her to an eval just to have "proof" for a judge. Only bring her if you think she needs the intervention, not to have card to play in court.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Sad - I'm not the poster. But a psych eval is very different from counseling by a psych. That's not what I was suggesting by any means. Its also very different than a custody and access assessment too. Also not what I was implying.

                                Comment

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