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  • need advice

    seems everytime I turn around my ex has some excuse to start to bicker about everything.......Im soo tired of this.......guess thats why they are called exes..........can someone please enlighten me if I am reading support laws wrong or not..........are both parents equally resp for the cost of daycare & extraordinary activities........can someone also tell me when it became the responsibility of the custodial parent to deliver the common child for the ex spouses visitation weekends? (think I missed that statute)

  • #2
    Extra curricular expenses (section 7) of the child support guidlines are generally shared. The percentage of sharing can be based on income the percentage difference on the income to determine the sharing regime.

    Access travel responsiblity varies. Access is the child's right and it is up to both parents to foster and accomodate access. Lots of case law out available that has both parents providing and participating in this. Access travel can be expensive especially if there is any distance involved.

    In ontario there is one regulation "CHILDREN'S LAW REFORM ACT" that I can recall

    Access

    (5) The entitlement to access to a child includes the right to visit with and be visited by the child and the same right as a parent to make inquiries and to be given information as to the health, education and welfare of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (5).

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    • #3
      need advice

      that is great to have to accomodate his visitation however we live in the same city just opposite sides.......its not like he lives in Toronto and I live in Ottawa.....he lives at west end end & I live at east end of the same city.......thats what is really irking me off about him

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      • #4
        Why not participate equally in access travel equally. Access is the child's right. This will also make the child happy as it would see both parent's working together to foster the realtionship with both parent's

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        • #5
          reply

          I did try that for a few years then he got his panties in a twist when I asked him to pay half for daycare last summer when the subsidized care stopped......he refused and I couldnt afford it so I had my parents look after our child however he would have to drive to accomodate his weekend visitation about an hour (then again I also had to do the same drive....that was never considered by him either) I figure that if he wants to see his child he should make the effort to do so.....he drives to our end of town for a date with no problem.....you think he would to see to his own child

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          • #6
            If he does not want to contribute to day care expenses, then I would take action and have him contribute under court order. You could also bring up the issue of access travel at this time to get it clarified under order.

            If he continues to be unreasonable, the Judge may make him do all the travelling.

            It always best to be fair and reasonable but some people argue for the sake of arguing.

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            • #7
              transportation...

              Transportation is an issue for me too. My ex asks me to share in the transportation, but here is my beef with that...HE CHOSE to move 40 minutes away from the children. I did not get any say in that choice. If I choose to move, I require his consent. Why then, when I had not choice in his location, should I be responsible for the cost of driving them?

              In an effort to "maintain the peace" I offered to drive one way on weekend visitation and no sooner do I make that concession than he wants me to also drive one way twice during the week.

              Not to mention that on the weekends he refuses to transport the kids to their sports so I end up driving for 4 hours to take them to a practice that was 5 minutes from my house.

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              • #8
                I think one thing that is important in these squabbles with exes is to remember the children. It is often too easy to focus on the beligerent ex who is pissing you off and lose focus on what is best for the child. Sometimes the best thing for the child also benefits the ex and even though it rubs you the wrong way it is the right thing to do.

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                • #9
                  Which is EXACTLY why I would give 4 hours of my time to take my child to a 1 hour practice. It certainly isn't for the ex. But I have yet to figure out how to do it without feeling bitter that he has so little interest in contributing to their lives.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Sk8r
                    Which is EXACTLY why I would give 4 hours of my time to take my child to a 1 hour practice. It certainly isn't for the ex. But I have yet to figure out how to do it without feeling bitter that he has so little interest in contributing to their lives.
                    Unfortunately Sk8r you need to swallow that bitterness. If you believe your exe's behavior is harmful to your children it is best that you not share that with your children. You just need to do what you can to best supply a loving and caring environment for them when you can and work within the framework to have as much control and responsibility for them as possible.

                    Just remember that vitrol about your ex in front of your kids will not benefit them in the long run. So you will have to keep such anxiety and feelings to yourself in order to protect your children.

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                    • #11
                      Logically, I understand this. In practice it is extremely difficult. If my kids were younger and oblivious, it would be easier. But when they ask "why are YOU taking us, it's HIS responsibility" I find it difficult to answer.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Sk8r
                        Logically, I understand this. In practice it is extremely difficult. If my kids were younger and oblivious, it would be easier. But when they ask "why are YOU taking us, it's HIS responsibility" I find it difficult to answer.
                        I totally understand your frustration. It is unfortunate that your ex put you in this position. You just have to remember he is being irresonsible and you have to be adult enough for both of you to make sure you children are taken care of... Marriage might not be forever, but children are.

                        I wish the best of luck getting things straightened out. What you are experiencing is entirely unfair, but it sounds like you can take care of it. Just be strong.

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                        • #13
                          Yes, children are forever, but there comes a point when you can't strap the teenagers, pre-teens, into a car seat, and take them where they do not want to go. That is why it is so important for parents to adjust their schedules and make accommodations for their older children needs.

                          LOL Grace

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                          • #14
                            I don't understand why parents have a need to fight over picking up or dropping off their children for access...it really makes them look like it is a burden on them. Why not try meeting in the middle somewhere that way you both share the expense or the parent that has access picks the child up from the one parents home and when visitation is done the other parent picks the child back up.

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                            • #15
                              sk8r I can sooooo relate to your situation and frustration. My ex also moved 40 minutes away from us. He is slowly finding excuses not to come for visitation. Once the children are at his place, he decides he doesn't want to drive them to their practice / game because it's too far. No kidding... that's exactly why I didn't understand his reasoning for moving so far! He tried to blame it on the children, saying they really didn't want to go. But I get a different version from them. They NEVER complain when they're with me. My ex put me in the same situation as you, he said when the kids are with him, he won't drive them anymore. It's so frustration to see the children being thorn between seeing their dad or being able to attend their activities. But I can't change my ex, all I can do is be there for my children. I will drive them around town when they need. They'll figure out soon enough why I'm driving when it's dad's turn. I won't need to explain it. For now, when they ask, I just answer with a question. Something like: "It makes you sad that daddy doesn't drive you ? " I just let them voice their frustration and sadness. I talk to my family, friends , therapist about my frustration and keep in mind that I do it for my children, and my relationship with them will only benefit from it. I wish they could have a great relationship with their dad, but I can't force it. And I'll drive myself crazy trying. Frustration wastes energy. Keep your energy for yourself and your children, you'll need it.

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