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  #11  
Old 05-14-2012, 12:20 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I think it would be very helpful if the M.I.P. session really did a whole section on the cost differences of both contested and mediated divorces. They need to really push it. I suggested such when I wrote back my survey review after my session.
As well as detailed information about how to identify what you refer to as "*ssh*l* lawyers" ("negative advocate solicitors") and how to avoid them and how to better your emotional restraint.

Basically, they should have someone like Gary outlining something along the lines of his well written article:

Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Or license his materials and just provide it to everyone coming in for an M.I.P. session.

Family Law is too often a "cathartic" experience for the litigants involved.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #12  
Old 05-14-2012, 12:55 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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I have just finished my 3 year struggle to finalize all kinds of issues related to my divorce. I agreed to mediation/arbitration and it was completed in 4 hours.
This is great. I'm glad it worked out for you.

This not for everyone.

I signed a med/arb agreement last October, (2011). More than 6 months later, we still have not settled. I asked for arbitration at one point, because I was so frustrated, and stbx asked for one more meeting. He thought we were close and could find some middle ground. It ended up being one more opportunity for him to try and convince the mediator to see it his way.

I found mediation, a perfect place for stbx to talk endlessly about crap, and why the mediator should side with him. Completely nauseating!

During all of this, the mediator work very hard at redirecting him and dismissing as much of the crap as possible. In the end, it didn't change much.

There was so much time spent redirecting him, talking him down off the ledge so to speak, basically for every hour we met, maybe 5 minutes of time was actually used making a decision. Even then, he changed his mind on some

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Originally Posted by momforever1956 View Post
We had signed a mediation/arbitration agreement, which meant if we were stuck on any point at any time, it would go to arbitration.

I had submitted my brief a week before the med/arb date and he submitted his the day before.
We did the same, signed an agreement to arbitrate if we were stuck on any point. Stbx still seemed to think he was right, and if everyone just realized this, we could be done.

I have asked for arbitration again, and we will now submit affidavits and briefs.

The cost of this so far, both financially and emotionally, is huge and I am not done yet. There is still the cost of filing affidavits and briefs, as well as the cost of the arbitrator to review the material and make a decision.

And yes, I asked for the med/arb. We were headed to court, his choice, and I thought mediation would be better than being in a court room. How dumb am I.
  #13  
Old 05-14-2012, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by frustratedwithex View Post
This is great. I'm glad it worked out for you.

This not for everyone.

I signed a med/arb agreement last October, (2011). More than 6 months later, we still have not settled. I asked for arbitration at one point, because I was so frustrated, and stbx asked for one more meeting. He thought we were close and could find some middle ground. It ended up being one more opportunity for him to try and convince the mediator to see it his way.

I found mediation, a perfect place for stbx to talk endlessly about crap, and why the mediator should side with him. Completely nauseating!

During all of this, the mediator work very hard at redirecting him and dismissing as much of the crap as possible. In the end, it didn't change much.

There was so much time spent redirecting him, talking him down off the ledge so to speak, basically for every hour we met, maybe 5 minutes of time was actually used making a decision. Even then, he changed his mind on some



We did the same, signed an agreement to arbitrate if we were stuck on any point. Stbx still seemed to think he was right, and if everyone just realized this, we could be done.

I have asked for arbitration again, and we will now submit affidavits and briefs.

The cost of this so far, both financially and emotionally, is huge and I am not done yet. There is still the cost of filing affidavits and briefs, as well as the cost of the arbitrator to review the material and make a decision.

And yes, I asked for the med/arb. We were headed to court, his choice, and I thought mediation would be better than being in a court room. How dumb am I.
So is the challenge with a highly conflicted party in any mediated, arbitrated or "collaborative" process. At any point in time either party can end the negotiation and take matters directly to court. The good thing about collaborative law is that it is a complete reset of the issues and generally (based on the collaborative agreement) nothing can directly be used in those court proceedings.

Furthermore, depending on the model and who is involved and the issues in the matter mediation, arbitration and collaborative law can be as expensive (or more) than court. The challenge with court is that it takes time where the other three options are dependent on both parties being reasonable in their requests.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #14  
Old 05-16-2012, 06:03 PM
roger roger is offline
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As far has I see this, the ,the lawyers are all out to get our money, dont care if they leave us broke and pennyless...what a system as long has there is money there will she sharks to eat it up no matter how hard you worked all your life... what a system
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