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  • access at spring break.

    I have recently ditched my fam. lawyer
    My ex still has a lawyer.
    I want to take the kids for this march break, my ex also wants to take them.
    We do not have a holiday separation aggreement in place yet, just a court order which gives me access every sunday. this past year we have tried to work holidays out between us. (we are both teachers).
    My question is: Can I go to court over this single issue and get it resolved in time. I do not have a lawyer so am not worried about costs. She does have one, so will be reluctant.
    How do I go about getting in front of a judge and would there be court costs to pay if I lost? I think I have a strong case as she had the kids for spring break in 2008, we shared them equally in 2009 and now surely 2010 it's my turn? also she had the kids for two thirds of the summer holidays, as well as christmas eve etc.
    Thanks for your help.

  • #2
    A lot of agreements/court orders split the break or alternate it each year.

    You can file an emergency motion to be heard on this matter, but it will be an expensive trip for your ex (you say you are unrepresented). If you "lose", you will bear some or all of your costs, it will probably be in the low thousands.

    I watched a couple argue it out in front of a judge on a similar motion one day. The unrepresented parent was unsuccesful and had to eat $2K of the $4k that the other parent's lawyer said that it cost. It is very sad when parents have to resort to the courts at great expense to resolve what it is really a minor issue.

    Frankly, you and your ex ought to be able to resolve this b/w the two of you. You can't run off to court about these small potatoes. It's too emotionally and financially stressful.

    BTW, your access is very limited. Why are only getting one day a week?

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you very much "dadtotheend".
      I really appreciate your help and am so glad to have found such a useful website. I am new to this.
      My case is complicated. I will summarise it here and will be as honest with you as possible.
      I have been in the process of separation and divorce for a year now. Nothing settled yet other than a court order. The court order stated that I see the kids every Sunday. My ex and I have since agreed that I see the kids one weekend in two but that's it. I would love to see them as much as possible (i.e. 50:50) but of course she is vehemently against this because she would lose CS. 50:50 is a long way off and I've been told by my lawyer that I have little chance of this. I am basically a great dad, kids (9 and 11) and I have a great loving relationship with them etc. I was convicted of spousal abuse and I got a conditional discharge. I will not go into the reasons why I did this as there is no excuse, suffice it to say that discovering my ex in bed with her boyfriend had something to do with it. This crime now appears to be playing a big part in the divorce proceedings. I have police tape evidence of a witness (My ex's boyfriend) admitting to the police that my ex has actually assaulted me in the past, which she has. I am thinking of using that evidence to get her charged with assault on me in order to even things up for the divorce court battle? My ex’s lawyer uses every chance he gets in correspondence with me or my ex lawyer to bring up my conviction. I would only do this to even things up to perhaps advantage me with my fight for the kids. I would not do it for revenge. I am a reasonably easy going individual and of course the impact on the children after she gets arrested would be immense. HOWEVER as you are probably aware, men tend to get a very raw deal in divorce proceedings so any help we can get should be taken, no?
      As you can imagine I have spent a large amount on a criminal def. lawyer and div. lawyer and have recently decided to drop the divorce lawyer, at least for a while to give me chance to ask her side a number of unanswered questions.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
      Any advice as always would be most welcome.

      Comment


      • #4
        okay unless you reported her assault on you when it happened then you are barking up the wrong tree there. You have no proof and I do think the boyfriend would be considered a tainted witness. Either he will recant to protect the realtionship with your ex or if they have broken up the judge may look at is as him trying to hurt her.

        I take it that was the only time you assaulted your wife?? Why would you not assault the man who was in bed with her instead?? My ex was like that, he had no problem hitting women but could/would not fight men. If there was a history of it then I can totally understand her not wanting to let you have the kids more. I also hope that you realize that assault is never the way to solve problems. I an totally against men hitting women or women hitting men. Get some anger management classes to show that you are getting help so it doesn't happen again, that will help your case.

        Comment


        • #5
          thanks for taking the time to write, i appreciate it. Without going into too many details here I did not hit my wife. she did however hit me. the boyfriend mentioned this on police tape so the evidence is right there so the police do not need to interview him again. I am not angry and as I said I would not press charges for revenge or to hurt her (though it would hurt her). I am merely considering it to use in divorce court. for instance her lawyer mentioned in a letter to my ex lawyer that I have a history of getting my own way(not compared to my ex, may I add) and the court ruling against me proved this. I would like to say the same about her but no-one knows anything about her abuse of me yet. My question is, is it worth getting that out in the open so that when we go before a judge the playing fields are a bit more level.

          Comment


          • #6
            seems kind of strange that you would be charged and found guilty of spousal abuse when her boyfriend told the police that she hit you and not you hitting her. Something smells fishy there.

            the judge will probably ask you why you did not press charges or whatever. He may look at it as you grasping at straws. If you would have at least made a report, it may have helped you. To me it is not worth it, if you had concrete proof then yes, as it stands now, no.

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm sorry to say it is not likely to make a difference. Unless you want to waste thousands of dollars it is best if you try to negotiate with her. Is there a specific time she may want to kids that you can swap with her?

              Comment


              • #8
                what costs would there be?
                I do not have lawyer costs. Do I pay court costs? If I lost it seems I would have to pay the other lawyers fees ...but if I won, which I believe is likely then surely the only costs would be court costs. does anyone know what that is likely to be?

                Comment


                • #9
                  I understand your fishy smell but please don't try to analyse everything without knowing all the facts. Just trust what I say. Suffice to say that you can be convicted of non physical things such as threats etc. I did not hit her, period.
                  Also her boyfriend let it slip in his police interview when he was giving evidence agaisnt me. I am sure he wishes he did not do this now. He was basically saying how honest she was and that she is so honest that she even admits to hitting me a number of times etc etc...sorry do not have time to explain it all. You sound very cynical, don't be. So I have proof that she did assault me...do I charge her?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    when did the assault happen? It is not likely that she will be convicted since you did not follow through with the charges at the time. To the court it will look like you are being vindictive. It is likely to make her angry, then she WILL fight you. If you do something that makes her angry then the court probably will award her costs if she wins. She will have a reason not to work with you and the court doesn't want the kids caught in the middle.

                    Is it worth the hassle of going to court? Do you want the kids for the whole break? part of it? Do you have specific plans that you can't change? Does she?

                    She is the custodial parent and unfortunately for you she holds the cards. I still think your best bet is to approach this as a negotiation, remembering that the kids need fun time with both parents. If you can't focus on what is best for the kids, then you don't have much of a chance. Sorry.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by laceybank View Post
                      I understand your fishy smell but please don't try to analyse everything without knowing all the facts. Just trust what I say. Suffice to say that you can be convicted of non physical things such as threats etc. I did not hit her, period.
                      Also her boyfriend let it slip in his police interview when he was giving evidence agaisnt me. I am sure he wishes he did not do this now. He was basically saying how honest she was and that she is so honest that she even admits to hitting me a number of times etc etc...sorry do not have time to explain it all. You sound very cynical, don't be. So I have proof that she did assault me...do I charge her?
                      In Ontario - Only the police lay charges. If they haven't allready after investigation -- Most likely no charges will be laid.

                      In perspective as a result of the incident - It appears two criminal charges may prevail - Assault and Uttering threats. Is it in your children's interest that either one or both parent's go through criminal sanctuations such as recognizance, adjudication and if convicted - Criminal Record and all the ramifications. In my view, I am perplexed how the children's interest prevail considering the circumstances.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by laceybank View Post
                        I understand your fishy smell but please don't try to analyse everything without knowing all the facts.
                        It totally sucks that you have been caught in a pendulum which has swung way too far to the other side because domestic violence has been until recently (as in, the last decade) an issue that society has ignored.

                        No one here has benefit of all the facts, except the poster him/herself. If we weren't asked to analyse and advise, even without benefit of all the facts, there would be no point to having this board.

                        It is one of the limitations of this place, but one which people accept because the board provides value notwithstanding.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I have been charged and convicted.
                          She has not. It is up to me to report her, then the police decide whether to charge her.

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                          • #14
                            I was asking about bringing a motion over MArch Break. I called the court today. It seems I can bring such a motion for not cost whatsoever. It is form 14 "Notice of motion" and form 14a "Affidavit". I simply put down my side of the argument, serve it on my ex (via her lawyer) and she has 30 days to respond. The person I asked in court today said that since time is short that it would be heard in an emergency. As long as I have a good case i should not have to pay my ex's lawyer costs if I lose. I believe I will win this very small battle otherwise I would not bring the motion. My ex has had the kids the last 2 march breaks and christmas and for 46 days of a 68 day summer holiday.

                            Comment

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