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My letter to Justin Trudeau

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  • #31
    The court system's are not gender bias. The reason the things are the way they are is because of historic household roles not court bias.

    Again a system that encourages fighting is the problem. The system needs to be fixed but not because of gender bias. It's because it is significantly out of date with current roles and current economic realities. There is almost no reason that 50/50 shouldn't be ordered in MOST cases. I agree abuse and other problems are issues but most of the cases can be solves quickly without fighting using common sense. A system that demands 50/50 as a starting point would be a good place to start.

    People also have to take responsibility for where they are in their lives. Decisions they have made and the affects that it has on them, their children and their finances.

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by FB_ View Post
      The court system's are not gender bias. The reason the things are the way they are is because of historic household roles not court bias.

      Again a system that encourages fighting is the problem. The system needs to be fixed but not because of gender bias. It's because it is significantly out of date with current roles and current economic realities. There is almost no reason that 50/50 shouldn't be ordered in MOST cases. I agree abuse and other problems are issues but most of the cases can be solves quickly without fighting using common sense. A system that demands 50/50 as a starting point would be a good place to start.

      People also have to take responsibility for where they are in their lives. Decisions they have made and the affects that it has on them, their children and their finances.
      Well said.

      Comment


      • #33
        I agree with you FB_.

        What would you suggest as a solution though?

        Is the socialist approach better? CS the same for every child regardless of income of parents or amount of time spent with either parent?

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by karmaseeker View Post
          Absolutely FB. It by it's very nature causes animosity. If you don't get 40 you pay through the nose and payers fight for the money.
          Agreed, it's also fairly disgusting how many justices order 35%-39% parenting time just to guarantee maximum pain to the payor.

          Comment


          • #35
            I have to say I pity the child who is caught up in this war. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be at one parent's place just so a parent can reach the 40% mark so a parent doesn't have to pay as much CS.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
              All this letter makes me want to do is write one of my own to present a very different side with very different issues - which aren't gender related, but rather bad parent related.
              Please do write your own letters. Every letter written puts a spot light on the fact there is a problem. And whether it is my experience or your experience or anyone else's experience - collectively it shows a major problem.

              So do write your letters. Write about your perspective of bad parenting, write about your perspective on business men's ability to hide funds or write them off, write about equal parenting, write about legal costs, provincial disparity, gender bias, federal guidelines, federal rules, divorce law, men's right's, women's right's, children's rights or anything else for that matter.

              Just write!

              http://www.parl.gc.ca/Parliamentarians/en/members
              Last edited by karmaseeker; 02-21-2014, 12:05 PM. Reason: add link

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                I agree with you FB_.

                What would you suggest as a solution though?

                Is the socialist approach better? CS the same for every child regardless of income of parents or amount of time spent with either parent?
                I'm not sure I have the answers

                Here are a couple things I can think of

                1. 50/50 is the default
                2. CS is a sliding scale very similar to Australia
                3. Allegations of Domestic Violence need to be addressed IMMEDIATELY so that a status quo cannot be established based on false accusations. There needs to be a strong deterrent against false allegations.
                4. There has to be a quicker way to deal with Unilateral decisions made by one partner. For example Revoking access to one parent based on personal beliefs.

                These all seem to be the current tactics to create status quo.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                  1. 50/50 is the default
                  2. CS is a sliding scale very similar to Australia
                  3. Allegations of Domestic Violence need to be addressed IMMEDIATELY so that a status quo cannot be established based on false accusations. There needs to be a strong deterrent against false allegations.
                  4. There has to be a quicker way to deal with Unilateral decisions made by one partner. For example Revoking access to one parent based on personal beliefs.
                  Excellent - now get in touch with Vellocot to support his bill C-560. Or get in touch with your local MPP to see if he is going to support the bill.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    50% default sounds good on the surface if you have two parents who genuinely want to parent their children.

                    What happens if I have a child and my partner up and leaves the country? By default he would have joint custody of a child he never intends to see?

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      A few tips for the OP, assuming you still want to send Trudeau a letter, from one who has done a lot of advocacy-writing and editing in my day:

                      1. Keep it short. I guarantee that no one will read more than 200 words.

                      2. Focus on *one* topic of concern (for example, taxes and child/spousal support). Don't make a laundry list of every bad thing you can think of. Stay on-message.

                      In particular, if you're writing to a federal politician, be clear that you're talking about things that fall under federal jurisdiction. Family law is tough because some aspects are federal (the FCSG) and others are provincial (divorce itself is a provincial matter). There's no point telling Justin Trudeau you think all divorcing parents should be mandated to take parenting classes or that provincial judges should have some sort of restrictions on their powers - those are provincial matters that a (potential) prime minister can't do anything about.

                      3. Be very specific about the change you want to see. if you want to change the way child support is calculated, state how it is is calculated now, with chapter and verse from the FCSG. Then state exactly how you would like to see that change. For instance:

                      "The Federal Child Support Guidelines state that income is to be calculated based on line 150 of the payor's federal tax return, which reflects gross income. I believe that a more appropriate baseline is line 236, reflecting net income. Line 236 is more appropriate because ... "

                      Same with your argument for calculating spousal support based on post-child-support income.

                      Same with your argument for child support being deductible by the payor.

                      4. Don't provide "evidence" which consists of statements like "It is well known ..." or "Most people are aware that ...". If you want actual statistical information to support an argument, use a reputable source like Statistics Canada or the Vanier Institute of the Family (an excellent, non-biased research centre) and cite your sources clearly.

                      5. Inflammatory, emotional language about malicious moms and suffering dads will just get your letter tossed in the bin. No one takes that seriously. And don't harangue the recipient. A series of questions beginning "Did you know ...?" followed by disaster scenarios comes off as fear-mongering. Write as though the recipient were a well-intentioned, reasonable person whom you are hoping to persuade through logic, not emotion.

                      6. End by saying that you look forward to a response from his office. Don't bother promising to vote for him.

                      7. To sum up: short, well-targeted letters defining specific problems and proposing specific remedies, purged of emotional reasoning, are the most likely to actually end up on a policymaker's desk.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        I have to say I pity the child who is caught up in this war. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be at one parent's place just so a parent can reach the 40% mark so a parent doesn't have to pay as much CS.

                        My daughter would tell you that it's hell.

                        If she knew about it, she would also confirm that it was about a reduction in CS and not about wanting time with his daughter, because he clearly didn't really want time with her as he only stuck to the agreement for a couple of weeks before dumping her altogether.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by arabian View Post
                          50% default sounds good on the surface if you have two parents who genuinely want to parent their children.

                          What happens if I have a child and my partner up and leaves the country? By default he would have joint custody of a child he never intends to see?

                          Excellent question and my exact spot. Solutions??

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by FightingForFamily View Post
                            Agreed, it's also fairly disgusting how many justices order 35%-39% parenting time just to guarantee maximum pain to the payor.

                            Or how many parents spend thousands on legal fees to get 41% access time so their child support goes down.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              So your ex is off making big money, drags you through court to get 50-50, then doesn't see his child?

                              Maybe there should be a "default" where if an absentee parent doesn't exercise access the 50-50 is automatically nullified?

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                                So your ex is off making big money, drags you through court to get 50-50, then doesn't see his child?

                                Maybe there should be a "default" where if an absentee parent doesn't exercise access the 50-50 is automatically nullified?

                                Pretty much it. Not only that, but he agrees to all sorts of financial obligations that he has no intention of adhering to. I know that when he agrees and signs the dotted line.

                                We were together 7 years and have been apart for over 7, so I know exactly who and what he is.

                                The unlimited bucket of money supplied to dad by his parents forces mom's hand to settle on something that mom knows full well won't ever be realized. Leaving mom to the mercy of dad, again.

                                Then within a few weeks of the agreement he decides he doesn't want to see the child, 2 years later, he leaves the country - sneakily - to avoid being served.

                                But, I'm a Malicious Mother because I expect an agreement to be honoured and adhered to and I expect a father to act in the best interests of his children, not the best interests of his new wife. I also expect the new wife to keep her freaking nose out of my business, and encourage her husband to behave in a way that she would appreciate if he were her ex. But, nope, that won't happen any time soon.

                                Comment

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