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  • CS problems, should I go after it though?

    Ok. So my ex was paying $228/month CS, on a paystub claiming to the courts he made $26 000/yr. After months of waiting for his income tax return (as court ordered) to be shared, I now see he actually made $45500/yr.

    So, the monthly CS should have been $420/month....meaning for 12months, Aug 08-Aug09 he would owe our 6yr old $2304.00. I did not go to court about this, I have been thinking about it, not sure what to do. As soon as I do go, I know I will get the label "wanting money, and greedy" from him (as that is the way he is).

    I do not use the money from CS, I put it into a GIC for her, for her future use and I match it (plus have an RESP set up for her etc....as I am very financially responsible).

    Now for Sept, the FRO put $180 in for CS. So the amount went down from $228 to $180 (even though it should be $420).

    I cannot seem to get my case worker from the FRO on the phone (left a message). I would like to know why the amount has changed?


    So now what do I do? I would love to hear what someone who pays CS thinks. Do I go to court? I do not understand how the amount changed without any notice to me as to why? And why did it go down, when he is making more than he claims (evident from his income tax return)?

    I am so confused. I am not greedy or wanting money, I wish he would own up to his responsibilities, then this would not be an issue at all. (play by the rules....)

  • #2
    Firstly, if the CS payor only submitted $180 then that's what you would get. It doesn't necessarity have anything to do with FRO, they give you what they get...

    Second... just because you are asking for what you are legally entitled to, doesn't make you "greedy". You didn't write the laws... did you??

    Also, what you do with the CS payments, whether you put them into savings, or spend them on household/ child necessities is completely irrelevant.

    If your CS payor is refusing to disclose income, and trying to hide money, he/she is wrong. Plain and simple.

    As far as retrocative support is concerned, it has become common practice for a Judge to award retro relief to the date of the initial application. You could easily gain a judgement for the $2304.00. Fair is fair... right? .

    Look at it this way, you daughter is entitled to that money, your CS payor was deliberately trying to evade their responsibilities.... should your daughter go without that $$, just because you are in a financial position that you can survive without it?

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Doingmybest,

      I am a CS payor, and the parent of my three young children more than half the time each week.

      "what you are legally entitled to" "you did'nt write the laws" "fair is fair". Oh my god that is scary! If you are investing money in a GIC because you don't need it, then why are you taking it?... Ask the father to take responsbility for saving for his daughters education, empower him to be a parent rather than assume he is somehow incapable.

      The law allows you to "TAKE" money at someone elses expense, based on the assumption that you need it to support your child. You need to be the bigger person and consider what is needed to support the child, not what you can get because of how the law is structured.

      Read my posts in the CS thread. I have my children more than half of every week, pay all their extracuricular, buy their clothes, pay for school and pre-school; and still my childrens mother is applying for full CS because "she didnt write the law" and she deserves it because it what the CS tables say she deserves.

      "What she is legally entitled to" does not figure into fair and just, it is the position of the divorce act that can only be changed by you. If you do not need the money, then I challenge you to engage your daughters father to be a parent rather than a bank machine.

      It is a sad state of society that so many people take the approach that because the divorce act is structured the way it is that we should all assume it is fair. Tolerating Injustice is always more palatable when you are not being affected, but I challenge you as a human to think about what is fair.

      Comment


      • #4
        Just because a CS receipient doesn't absolutely NEED a CS payment to provide for the children, does not and should not mean that a CS payor be any less responsible for financial contributions.

        In this particular situation, "doingmybest" has stated that the CS payor had been maliciously absconding his obligations to his child.

        Refusing to provide financial disclosure is tantamount to refusing to pay child support.

        It is not unrealistic to believe that a CS payor could feel that he/she should not "have to pay" if the custodial parent provides well for the child without such assistance. Ofcourse he/she would want to keep their money for themselves... who wouldn't?

        But asking a CP to "empower" a NCP to "be a parent" by allowing him/her to shirk his/her financial responsibilities is ludacris.

        Regardless of how the custodial parent spends/saves the money, it is still the child who goes without, if the CS payor refuses to pay.

        Even with a GIC.... this child in particular will benefit from the contributions of her non custodial parent.... and she should.

        I ask you this epinecone...... asking the custodial parent to foot the entire bill, just because he/she can... how is that fair????

        Can you seriously be asking this poster to "be the bigger person", by taking all of the burden on him/herself?

        Does that mean that, by your standards, every CP who earns a decent living should release the NCP from paying child support for their children???

        You can't really believe that... can you???

        This has nothing to do with treating the NCP as a "bank machine", and has everything to do with the fact that it costs a lot of $$$ just to provide the basics in life, and a ton more to give your children the extras and luxuries we all want.... and BOTH parents should be responsible for providing for their children, to the BEST of their abilities!!!

        Comment


        • #5
          From a DAD that actually stands up and pays his fair share of CS I find this discusting and this is why when I call FRO im labeled the bad guy. So far 4 phone calls to talk to ANGIE 122 at FRO and nothing. If your spouse is making 45000+ per yr I say go to a lawyer that will do the paperwork cheap for you as mine does and file court papers to have his pay garnished and put on the arrears that has accumulated to present. FRO has done nothing for me except make my life a living hell. 1 on the older kids comes off CS and then im put in arrears even knowing the CS amount has gone down. No one has figured it out. But hey thats another story. Go after the dead beat because thats how this situation should be handled. (breath....... breath)

          Comment


          • #6
            Lol Epinecone... empower him to be a parent...still laughing. He can't even tell the truth about his income, and she is expected to hope he will save for his child's future? Thank the Lord she has the foresight to do it, and has the income to do it as well. Why you feel he shouldn't contribute to that is a mystery. I am assuming your ex is going after child support because as you said, "you buy them this, buy them that" Maybe she would like to be able to provide as well for them. I assume you shared when you were married, why can't you continue to do that?

            Doingmybest...don't let him make you feel greedy. It is a tactic, guilt tactic to do just that. Obviously it is working. However, maybe try to come to an agreement with him. Tell him if he is honest, upfront with you, you will leave it be, also meaning he has to start paying the required amount. If he is having some kind of hardhsip, ask him. Try to reason, and be fair. Find out whats really going on. If he's just being a jerk, well....

            Comment


            • #7
              As a father who is currently substancially overpaying CS and working on getting this rectified, I still have a responsibility to pay and I will do so. Don't feel guilty doingmybest. If the father of your child is not owning up to paying take him to court. It sounds like your ex is still emotionally hurt by the whole process but doesn't realise that not paying CS doesn't hurt you...it hurts his child. Where the money goes isn't important but I do commend you for your actions.

              Comment


              • #8
                Wow.. Hot Topic...

                This is probably why CS is one of the biggest issues in any family breakup :-) it generates alot of emotion from everyone.

                DoingMyBest indicated she does not need the CS.. So why do people insist on maligning the childrens father.

                In regards to Enabling a parent, it is best established through equal shared parenting... The children need both parents more than anything else.

                Taking money from the other parent just because you can is wrong. The typical excuse is that it is the CP being the responsible parent.. How about you offer the other parent Equal Shared Parenting / Joint Custody?

                jankes71 - your comments about me buying things is interesting.. I am fully supporting two adults, three children, in two homes... In a year I have gone from debt free to 120k in debt.. So please help me understand how I am supposed to let her feel like she is providing the same? Do you believe that mothers are incapable of working to support themselves?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Dear Mr. E PineCone...

                  Your views on this topic are really quite interesting....
                  In an entertaining type of way.
                  I think you put your brain in backwards this morning.

                  How do you twist this into "maligning" the father?

                  Funny..... but I can already tell that I might as well slam my head in the door rather than argue this with you...

                  Neither option acomplishes anything more than giving me a unnecessary head ache.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It's not personal... so don't be upset. Just my opinion.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hi Representingself,

                      I do not believe that NCP should not pay CS. I think every parent has a responsibility to their children. However, I think that every NCP should be given the opportunity to have Equal Access the their children.

                      I believe that every parent, father and mother, has a right to their children, and their children a right to them. I believe that every parent has an equal responsibility toward the children, and that the system we have now is flawed in that it does not allow this to happen.

                      I believe that every parent should be given the opportunity to have their children with them in Equal Shared Parenting, and be involved in the decision making process for that childrens life.

                      We spend so much time focussed on how this guy is a deadbeat, etc.. And it makes me think of all of the good fathers I know who have not been able to get to Equal Shared Parenting.. Watching their lives disintegrate is terrifying..

                      I am not trying to make DoingMyBest feel guilty, I am trying to make all of us see the injustice in turning one parent into a bank machine.. I truly believe that their are many men that are currently NCP's that would make excellent fathers if their former spouses and the legal system allowed them to be.

                      Nothing will change when we all stand back and say "well the law says this so it must be so".. The fact that a small group of people developed a list of assumptions and tables to tell us how much raising a child costs does not mean that everyone fits into it. So to stand back and say that this man is not doing his responsibility if he does not pay the table amounts of child support is ridiculous.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Sorry RepresentingSelf,

                        It's a very emotional thing for me.. I'ts my personal situation that has jaded me... I am at the end of my own financial rope.. And I am worried about how I can continue to meet all of my responsibilities going forward..

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I also agree with your "ideal" parenting scenario, where each parent plays a positive role in the lives of their children, and each parent shares in the responsibility... Alas, that is often not possible, for many reasons.

                          It is not always the case of the "gold digging" ex verses the "dead beat" dad.... and I think we ALL know that! But our personal biases reflect on others, which often causes more conflict.

                          No one meant to treat the NCP in this particular case, as a "bank machine".... and if I came across as doing so, then I apologize.

                          The fact is, that this system is flawed in many, many ways.

                          Some women use their kids as weapons and cash cows, against their ex's and some men use thier "demands" for joint custody as a means to get out of paying child support.

                          The whole situation sucks But that's just the hard reality.

                          I am also sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time in your personal situation. Divorce is a horrible, nasty monster, with all kinds of victims.
                          Good luck

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            OMG. I am SO bookmarking this response. I have nothing against you Doingmybest, but after the year we've suffered at the hands of my husband's greedy ex wife, I applaud this response. Well said, and I'm printing this out for my dh to read. Thank you!



                            Originally posted by epinecone View Post
                            Hi Doingmybest,

                            I am a CS payor, and the parent of my three young children more than half the time each week.

                            "what you are legally entitled to" "you did'nt write the laws" "fair is fair". Oh my god that is scary! If you are investing money in a GIC because you don't need it, then why are you taking it?... Ask the father to take responsbility for saving for his daughters education, empower him to be a parent rather than assume he is somehow incapable.

                            The law allows you to "TAKE" money at someone elses expense, based on the assumption that you need it to support your child. You need to be the bigger person and consider what is needed to support the child, not what you can get because of how the law is structured.

                            Read my posts in the CS thread. I have my children more than half of every week, pay all their extracuricular, buy their clothes, pay for school and pre-school; and still my childrens mother is applying for full CS because "she didnt write the law" and she deserves it because it what the CS tables say she deserves.

                            "What she is legally entitled to" does not figure into fair and just, it is the position of the divorce act that can only be changed by you. If you do not need the money, then I challenge you to engage your daughters father to be a parent rather than a bank machine.

                            It is a sad state of society that so many people take the approach that because the divorce act is structured the way it is that we should all assume it is fair. Tolerating Injustice is always more palatable when you are not being affected, but I challenge you as a human to think about what is fair.

                            Comment

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